The Hell?

Last week, Caroline, Moe, and I headed out to the wilds of Manassas to see Kelly Clarkson at Nissan Pavillion. And I am ok admitting that to you, Kelly Clarkson rocks out and has (I think) managed to earn enough street cred to escape her American Idol beginnings. But the point of this post is not to discuss Kelly.

The point is to comment on the latest shoe trend: the croc. Let me just say, I cannot think of an uglier shoe. I would rather see Sienna Miller scampering about in a denim mini, leggings, and Ugg boots than have to see another 14 year old or soccer mom running around in crocs. Crocs not infiltrated your corner of suburbia yet? Not to worry, they will soon. Gaze upon the hideousness:

And the orange is not even the worst color I have seen. The lime green (the most popular color in DC) is what really frightens me. Now, my biggest problem with these shoes is not that they are ugly. And they are. But it's that people who buy them go on and on about how comfortable they are, but let's be honest folks. The things are made from plastic. And you can put however many little cut-outs along the side as you want, you are still sticking your foot into a plastic cave where it will live and sweat all day. Meaning your shoes and your feet are going to be N-A-S-T-Y.

Feet need to breathe! Feet need air! Especially in the DC swamp in the summer! Save your feet, do not give in to the temptation to buy ugly plastic shoes that make your feet sweat and were probably assembled my orphan children in Korea!

FIGHT THE CROCS

For more information, visit the shoe blog run by The Manolo. He is all knowing.

Currently Wearing: Brown thong sandels by Kenneth Cole. No crocs for me, bitches!

In this corner, Captain Jack. In that corner...er...Captain Jack

This weekend I traveled to Charlottesville to visit Selvi, she of the First Big Job and Post School Life. Selvi has joined the ranks of us fellow rat-racers and is currently working as a genetic counselor at her first “real” job. Go Selvi!

As the dutiful friend that I am, I braved central Virginia to visit the Selvster. And this weekend will forever be known as the weekend of Captain Jacks. I had taped the first 8 episodes of the Doctor Who marathon on SciFi this week so I could share with Selvi, but when we settled in to watch on Friday night, the sound quality on the tape was terrible.

(Aside: yes, I realize there is pretty much nothing dorkier than Doctor Who. But I believe we have sufficiently covered the topic that I am a big nerd and the show is the shit. So shut it. For further details, see my tv blog, TV Sluts)

Getting back to our story, the sound quality was the suck, so we set out to scour Charlottesville video stores for the DVD that was released last week. The first, oh let’s say, three places I called and asked had no idea what I was asking about and also had it checked out. Poop. Then what do we pass but the beautiful glowing yellow Best Buy sign. Somehow I had always known it was going to come to this. 5 minutes later I purchased Doctor Who Series 1 on DVD for the bargain price of $65. TOTALLY worth it.

Around, 4:30 in the morning Selvi and I decided to turn after watching 10 episodes and becoming drooling teenyboppers for the Doctor and Captain Jack (that's him in the WWII era coat in the pic).

We finished the last 3 episodes the next afternoon before tackling the nefarious greens at Putt Putt golf. It had these huge plastic zoo animals scattered about, and I swear, the giraffe was leering at me. Do not turn your back on the giraffe!
Saturday evening Selvi and I went to the Carmike Cinemas (and I thought I had escaped Carmike forever) and saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2. And I gotta say, how disappointing. The film had become a parody of itself, Johnny Depp was doing an impression of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack, and the only person to totally rock out was Jack Davenport as Commodore Norrington. HOTT. I totally would have chosen him over lame Will Turner any day of the week. Oh, and Bill Nighy as Davy Jones was pretty badass. But other than that: meh. Seriously. Once again, Hollywood has produced a sequel that was lame and unsurprising.

So, Captain Jack from Doctor Who wins hands down against Captain Jack Sparrow. Actually, come to think about it, Captain Jack would probably kick Captain Jack’s ass, and then they would end up sleeping with each other. Did I mention Selvi and I also watched Brokeback Mountain? What a gay weekend! And by gay I mean fun and fancy free.

Currently Watching: Farscape Season 1 (courtesy of Dorilyn)

Currently Reading: King Dork by Frank Portman (no, it's not an autobiography. Bitches. But it is an awesome book).

Attack of the Condos!

As some of you know, in the past few days it looked like I might be getting a condo. Not just any condo, the most perfect condo in Alexandria. Perfect location (within walking distance of the blue and yellow lines), about 5 miles from my parents’ homes, with 9 foot ceilings, crown molding, a big bedroom, and a gorgeous kitchen. Well, basically, I decided to wait. I’m being responsible! PRAISE ME!

Anyhoo, the condo cost $288,000 which, believe it or not, is a really great price for a one bedroom place in Alexandria. Virginia offers a ton of incentives for first time homebuyers such as no down payment, low monthly payments, etc. so it’s possible I could have afforded this place on my pathetic government salary.

But here’s the thing. I have been telling myself I am about two years away from moving out and that is the frame of mind I have been in. When it seemed like all of a sudden I might be getting a condo in a month or two, I kind of froze. I just haven’t felt “ready.” This is the kind of big step that for someone like me (a compulsive planner), requires time to sink in. I mean, I would own property. I don’t own anything! My mom technically owns my car, and she and my brother pitched in on my laptop. So pretty much the only thing that I own of any value right now is my Sony 5 disc DVD player. Whoo?

I also talked to a friend of Mom’s who owns a bunch of real estate in Northern Virginia and he suggested waiting a year or two. Apparently, interest rates are very high right now and in the next couple of months the market will be cooling down. Which means if I wait, prices might come down. And I am sure people will be trying to sell their condos in the community I want (The Exchange at Van Dorn btw).

So that’s where I stand right now. I’m not going anywhere for at least a year, assuming I don’t win the lottery or get married or something. And, you know what? That’s ok. I like being at home. There’s no shame in living in the basement. Especially not when it looks like mine, I’ve got a 5 disc DVD player down there.

It's Never Too Early to Pick a President

I have become a big fan of podcasts, I listen to them at work while I am trolling through medical records and other assorted activities that don’t necessarily require loads of brainpower (insert obligatory how hard is your job joke here). Right now I listen to my Harry Potter podcasts, The Onion’s daily podcast, and my new obsession, Real Time with Bill Maher. Basically, HBO has taken Bill Maher’s weekly show (which follows a similar format as Politically Incorrect), and posted the audio. While listening to this show, spontaneous laughter and cheering break out from my cubicle and I am sure my office-mate Fatima thinks I am insane.

On the last episode I listened to, Bill had as one of his panel guests, Senator Joe Biden from Delaware (democrat, of course, else why would I care?). Interesting fact: Joe is the only person from either party to publicly state that he will run for President in 2008. And from what I have heard and read about him, I would vote for him in a second. If it comes to Joe Biden or Mark Warner (former VA governor) in the primaries I have no idea what I would do, because I love them so. Here is a quote from Joe, ahem, Senator Biden, from the show:

"The problem with this country is we haven't had any leader with the nerve to challenge the American people to do the things they are ready to do. These people here are ready…what the hell has anybody in this country asked anybody to do in terms of building this country? What would have happened if the President had gone and said, right after 9/11, I have an energy policy, it's gonna be painful, this is what it's gonna take and I expect you to do it? They would have all responded, at that moment, they would have. It was a squandered opportunity. We don't have leadership."

You go Joe! Any politician willing to use profanity to make his point has my vote! Except not, see re: Dick Cheney. It just seemed like everything this guy said resonated with me and made total sense, and how often do you find that in politics? Here is another gem, discussing why democrats always get clobbered by the religious voters who run to the Republicans come election day:

"We have too many elites in our [democrat] party who look down their noses at people of faith. The people of faith don't want us to share their view, they just want to know we respect them"

Again, I agree. You’re always going to have those crazy Christians (CCs) who think blowing up abortion clinics is a good idea, or think Harry Potter is the evil, or STILL wear those WWJD bracelets (seriously, those things went out of style like 3 years ago, get with the program CCs), but for the most part they respect other people’s beliefs.

So remember Senator Joe Biden come election day. Here is his website if you want to check him out.

Quote of the day (from Bill Maher): "Americans want the contribution of the poor and the immigrants, without having to actually see them, or be among them. Which is why I suggest instead of building a wall on the border, we build a Wal-Mart. It would be 1,950 miles long, or the size of a normal Wal-Mart, and there would still be just the one register open. But it would solve this problem because if we build this Wal-Mart exactly on the border, the Americans could come through the front door and shop and the Mexicans could come through the back door and work."

It's the end of the world as we know it

Here is a gmail chat conversation between me and Caroline, based upon viewing the following pictures of KEVIN FEDERLINE. Yes, the handsome (guh!) man shown below is none other than K-FED! Go here if you don't believe me.


me: I just...I don't...
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE??

Caroline: ..._dude_.

me: HE IS TOTALLY CUTE

Caroline: he looks like aston kutcher. dude.

me: I need a sweater, cleraly hell has FROZEN THE FUCK OVER
he looks like the dude from American Pie!

Caroline: i ... can't ...
qowei7ban425.

me: I mean
WTF, Caroline, WTF

Caroline: it's a sign of the armageddon

me: hide your babies and your beadwork!

Caroline: we must buy canned goods with a quickness

me: don't forget the can opener
that is key

Caroline: indeed.
and wineglasses
so we can toast to the end of time

me: and we need extra pairs of glasses so we don't end up like that guy who played the Joker in the old batman series who was in that twilight zone episode
you know, the one who was in the bank vault when the nuke hit and all he wanted to do was read and then he broke his glasses
oh, the irony!

Caroline: HAHAHA

me: so....
what are the chances this will be a permanent change?
I would say slim to none

Caroline: oh, i betcha the goatee's already back.
i mean, those clothes were totally loaners for the photo shoot

me: and the socks with flip-flops look

Caroline: b/c that's hella sexy
the camel-actual-toe

Help! I'm a Prisoner in the Metro!

Picture this: here I am standing on the Metro minding my own business, reading my book. I am tucked into a corner and am not blocking any doors or any walkways. I am, however, holding onto to one of the poles because the driver of the yellow line seems to be doing his best to ensure we never reach the end of line intact.

The doors open at the Pentagon City stop and three teenagers (two guys and a girl) get on the train. This, in itself, is not bad. I was a teenager once. Emotionally, I probably still am. So whatever. Despite the fact that the girl is clutching some new fangled video game called “Hitman” like someone will try to rip it of her arms, I do my best to ignore them. Until one of the teenagers (the shorter guy) commits my biggest Metro pet peeve: leaning against the pole I am holding onto and squashing my hand against him.

I think this is really gross. I don’t like some stranger pressing their sweaty selves against my hand when I am simply trying to hold the pole. Not only is it gross, it’s rude because it ensures nobody else can use that pole because apparently you need the ENTIRE THING to hold up the weight of your body.

So the guy is leaning against the pole and my hand is trapped against his upper arm. I try to wiggle my fingers around (under the guise of getting a better grip) so he will get a clue that he has taken my hand hostage. No luck. So I do it again, with a little more vigorous wiggling. Nothing. Finally, I jerk my hand loose which causes him to dislodge from the pole a bit. This is when he looks around and notices my hand had been squashed. I shoot him a dirty look and get nothing in return. No sheepish glance, no apology, nothing. Just a blank stare. Sigh.

But it could have been worse. Once when I was holding onto the pole, some skeevy guy came along, leaned up against the pole, and trapped my hand against the sweaty, nasty back of his neck! I think that was the low point in my metro adventures. That and the chicken-juvie hall girl (see my post of May 6, 2006 for details).

No locusts!

Summertime, and it’s hot, hazy, and humid. Typical. BUT. Summer also means it’s time to break out the skirts! Now, here’s the thing. I don’t really mind wearing skirts, they keep you cooler and can be fun, but I look better in pants. I’m just saying. When you’ve got pudged legs and calves, you look better in pants. So I tend to not wear skirts until it gets really hot.

This usually inspires people to say “you’re wearing a skirt!” in a shocked manner when they see me. This usually surprises me, because while I was working at the bookstore in Williamsburg in the summer I always wore skirts. In fact, if I wore pants people would be in shock about that. Either way people are surprised. But here we are on Wednesday and I have worn a skirt everyday this week.

Oh, and one thing that really annoys me about skirts. If you sit in any kind of leather or plastic seat, you get that nasty back-of-thighs-sticking-to-chair syndrome. Ick! And then you get the indentations of the chair on your legs and that is not a good look on anyone. This is just another one of the myriad reasons why I don’t really like the summer. But my chair at work has a fabric seat, so woot! No worries!

Mom’s Quote of the Day: “Every time I call King David [our family’s Jewish cemetery] and tell them my name is Rachel Riley, they tell me I must have the wrong number. They say ‘you must want the protestant memorial park.’ Marg, when I die, you go over there and make sure they’ll let me in!”

Currently Watching: The PBS Frontline special on AIDS. It is amazing.

Currently Reading: “Scruples” by Judith Krantz.

Spring Cleaning, er, NOT

When I was younger and bored, my idea of a good time was to declutter my room. Not necessarily clean (too many chemicals, blech!), but really get into the far recesses of my closet, root around under my bed, and go through old school papers, photos, and assorted crap. It occurred to me this morning that I have not done this in a long time. Probably due to the fact that most of my stuff is currently sitting in a storage unit in downtown Alexandria, but also due to the fact that I have managed to purge myself of a lot of baggage in the past couple years.

For once I am not speaking of emotional baggage, but the actual physical unloading of the crap I carry around. Moving out of my townhouse after law school had a lot to do with this. I HATE moving, probably due to the fact that I never did it before (that’s right, I still live in the same house I grew up in) and having to pack up and hit the road immediately after graduation forced me to quickly ascertain what was coming and what was going. If it looked like it would gather dust, I pitched it. If it was easily and cheaply replaceable, I pitched it. If I hadn’t worn it in two years, it got donated.

Which means, despite the fact that I am older now, I probably own less stuff than any other time in my life. Which = whoo! I always had this kind of fear of becoming like the creepy baglady woman in the movie Labyrinth. You know who I mean. The one who tried to get Sarah to stay in her old bedroom with all her stuff piled up on her back.
But now, everything I own in the world can fit in an 8 x 4 room. And by “fit” I mean, be stacked to the ceiling. But still. That’s pretty impressive.

I’ve always been a firm believer in the idea that when your living space is not cluttered it helps your mind become not cluttered. So that means I have no excuse. Ready mind? Get decluttered!

Attack of the Andibear!

Yesterday I was lucky to have dinner with my old pal, Andi. Also known as Andibear and the Worst Lesbian Ever. I got to meet her boyfriend (hence the nickname) and we had dinner at a restaurant in Union Station downtown. It was a beautiful evening (we sat outside) and talked about what we were watching, reading, and also made fun of Nebraska. Because, you know, we could.

I haven’t seen Andi in almost a year, in fact, the last time we hung out was in Roanoke last summer the night before I took the bar exam. And that wasn’t exactly an environment conducive for fun and hijinks. Although she does exhibit a great calming force. There is something very nurturing about Andi.

She and Jeff are oh so very cute and make me want to gouge my eyes out from the cuddliness, or maybe that’s the jealousy. I mean, my GOD. The LESBIAN finds a boyfriend and I am still waiting for that train. But, I digress.

Andi and Jeff were headed back to Boston after a wedding-filled weekend, and I was lucky enough to snag them for a few hours. The good news is they will be coming back to the DC area for a conference in November, which is like 6 months from now, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Oh, and I did my best to convince Andi to make guest appearances at bridge club. The truth came out that on Monday nights when she claims to be “writing papers” she is in fact “watching 24.” But I think she is afraid I will hassle her if she comes once and then never comes back. Where would she get that idea? COME BACK ANDI. We miss you! And we promise not to boot you from the table even if you take forever to decide what to play. And, hello, summer = reruns. So you are good to go.

Currently listening to: For Andibear, “Whiter Shade of Pale.” It’s our song.

Currently Reading: “The Book Thief” by Marcus Zusak

Alias Drinking Game

After five years of watching Alias, I have devised a clever (yet obvious) drinking game. Just follow these simple rules...

Take a drink everytime:

-someone says the word "endgame"

-someone mentions Rambaldi

-Victor Garber does something badass

-Marshall dorks out

-Sloane is a jackass

-Rachel is useless

-you doubt Amy Acker could ever be a super-spy since the chick is so thin she can barely carry the weight of her own head

-Sydney cries

If you follow these simple steps, you should be pretty much good and wasted by the end of the teaser.

Random Musings

I saw a woman in the lobby of my building this morning wearing a pair of cow skin clogs. Like, seriously wearing them. Not in an ironic sense. What would make you think that was a good look?

It's now official, Veronica Mars and Supernatural will be coming back for the 2006-07 television season on the CW. *cubicle dance* At least the new network is doing somethings right. A lot of people have been kvetching about Everwood not getting picked up, but I have never seen the show. Maybe I can catch up over the summer with Netflix. Not like I don't have 45 things on my que right now...but you never know. There might be room for more.

This week has been so long and, to be honest, kind of crummy. I've just been making some dumb mistakes at work, and I am trying really hard to build a good reputation. I just keep looking forward to the weekend as this far off dream-land castle where free-range ponies frolic around and they have big chocolate fountains everywhere. Mmmm...chocolate.

I came to a resolution on Tuesday. Next time I want to see a movie and can't find someone to go with me, I'm going by myself. I've never been to a movie by myself, and I don't really know why. It doesn't have the same stigma as eating alone in a restaurant, but maybe I was worried people would judge me or something. Anyways, I promise. Next time, I'm striking out on my own and going to whatever craptastic film solo. I'll take me out for a date. And I guarantee I'll get lucky at the end of the night. *wink wink nudge nudge*

Currently Listening To: Jewel, "Goodbye Alice in Wonderland"

Currently Reading: "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides

I Don't Wanna Make You Sway

Last night after getting home from the Washington Whedonites meeting (what? I told you I was a dork), I downloaded the Veronica Mars Soundtrack onto my Ipod. Smack dab in the middle of the Album is the song "Sway" by The Perishers. Folks, it is gorgeous. A mellow, dreamy song about lost love. Here's a lyric sample

I talk to you as to a friend
I hope that’s what you’ve come to be
It feels as though we’ve made amends
Like we found a way eventually

It was you who picked the pieces up
When I was a broken soul
And then glued me back together
Returned to me what others stole

I don’t wanna hurt you
I don’t wanna make you sway
Like I know I’ve done before
I will not do it anymore
I’ve always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
Now that I’m coming down
Won’t you be my solid ground?

Sigh. So awesome. Fans will remember this is the song playing when Logan and Veronica dance at the Sadie Hawkins Dance in Season 2. But even if you don't watch the show, this is a great album. It also has "I Turn My Camera On" by the Spoons which I think has been in some car commercial and The Dandy Warhols "We Used to be Friends." Get your ass to ITunes people!

Mom's Quote of the Day:
Me: "What do you want to do for Mother's Day?"
Mom: "I'm the Mom. I don't have to plan anything. That's your job."
Da-um.

Currently Listening to: Dude. Did you even read the post?

Currently Reading: "Haunted" by Chuck Palahniuk

New TV Blog!

Caroline and I have joined forces and in a bid to ensure world domination have created a television blog: TV Sluts

If you like us, you will like this blog. And if you don't like us, what the HELL are you doing reading my blog anyway? Oh, and we don't like you either.

So come one, come all, join us in the blogosphere for some in-depth conversation about your (and by your, I mean our) favorite shows. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section over at TV Sluts.

Ripped From the Headlines

I don't usually use this blog to respond to news items, but as I was riding the Metro to work this week and reading my Washington Post Express, some of the articles really got to me. To wit:

The Spanish National Anthem Controversy. Are people really pissed off about this? Here we have a group of people who originally hail from other countries, who want to celebrate how much they love America. And because they haven't learned English yet (and seriously, English is like THE most difficult language to learn) they have to sing it in Spanish. Shouldn't we be happy that immigrants love America? Shouldn't we be happy that they don't want to blow up buildings? Let them sing about loving this country in any language they want. Maybe we should learn how to sing it in Spanish too.

Palestinians Face Financial Crunch. This makes me laugh. Here is a government that was elected on the platform of wanting to wipe Israel off the map and has known terrorist ties. And then, when the international community, including America, cuts off their aid money, they whine about how they can't pay their employees. Umm, hello? Palestine? This is called biting that mouth that feeds you. Do they really want to bitch about how Israel stopped collecting tax money from Palestinian nationals? You can't run around telling people you want to nuke your neighbor and then expect your neighbor to pay for your government. While not everyone in Palestine voted for Hamas, I can't drum up a lot of sympathy for the people who did. You made your bed, now you gotta lie in it.

Overheard on the Metro: "This train smells like chicken! It takes a black person to know. Who's got that chicken? Can I get some?" (the young lady in question then went on to describe how she fashioned weapons from her toiletry items while at Juvenile Hall)

Currently Watching: Sideways

Currently Reading: "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Jon Krakauer

First Wedding of 2006: Arista Sims Kiffney

Arista's wedding was this past weekend in Savannah, Georgia. Moe and I flew down on Friday and met up with Lori to form the single girl's posse. Because Mike (the groom) has NO SINGLE FRIENDS. That's right, every dude at this wedding was married or engaged. But the wedding itself was gorgeous and the reception was a blast. Here are the pics:


This is the square that was next to our hotel. Savannah is an absolutely breathtaking city. Look at that tree!


Here are us gals outside right before the ceremony. The wedding was held in the garden of the Davenport House, one of the restored bed and breakfasts/museums in Savannah.


The forecasters had been calling for severe showers with hail (!!!) all day, and while it did rain in the morning, about an hour before the wedding, the sky cleared up and it was a perfect day for a white wedding (tm Billy Idol). Arista begged and pleaded and got the Davenport House people to move the ceremony back outdoors, per the original plan. They were setting up chairs just minutes before the ceremony was scheduled to start! But the garden was beautiful.


Arista being escorted down the aisle by her Dad. *sniffle*


Sharing a laugh with the judge who conducted the ceremony. Arista's hair looked amazing.


Mr. and Mrs. Michael Kiffney!

I would highly recommend traveling to Savannah. The people are nice and things are cheap! However, DO NOT GO IN THE SUMMER. My GOD it was 90 degrees there in April, I cannot imagine what it is like there in July or August. If I go back, part of my wants to totally dork out and go tour all the "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" sights, or as they call it in Savannah, "The Book" and "The Movie."

United Airlines Flight Attendant Quote of the Day: "I will soon dim the lights to enhance the appearance of your flight crew." HA! Best steward ever!

Currently Watching: "The Young Riders" Anyone else remember this tv show?

Currently Reading: "The Secret Supper" by Javier Sierra

Jeremy Irons?? HELL YEAH!

So, I'm watching Kingdom of Heaven. And I was sitting here thinking it wasn't that bad. And then Jeremy Irons came on. And it instantly got upgraded to pretty good. Because how much does Jeremy Irons rock? He rocks so much I will watch the following movies because he is in them: The Man in the Iron Mask, Die Hard III: Die Hard With a Vengeance, and Dungeons and Dragons. I'd pretty much watch him sit in a chair and flip through a magazine (as long as he was reading out loud). Because the main attraction of Jeremy Irons is his voice. Sigh, remember him as Scar in The Lion King? Good times!

In concert related news, I scored tickets to see Jewel and Kelly Clarkson this summer. It's getting positively Lillith in here. But girls kick ass. So woot!

Oh, and look for an entry about Arista's wedding coming later this week. I need to get my picture CD back from CVS. Yes folks, I am still not in the digital age. So you will wait for my pictues. WAIT I SAY!

Mom's Birthday Quote of the Day

Gordon: Everybody gets to march or demonstrate for something. There should be a march for the Good Old Boys.
Mom: There is. They're called the KKK.

I cut my finger today. It was a not a paper cut, it wasn't with scissors or some other sharp instrument, I cut my finger with my own fingernail. I was reaching for a book and somehow managed to slice myself with my own fingernail. Sigh. Even my own body is out to destroy me.

In other news, I am getting nominated for a special achievement award at work for the idea I had for the mini-mentor program. Basically, when an attorney starts at our office they are assigned a senior attorney to teach them the law, and now a mini-mentor to show them the ropes. The mini-mentors are attorneys who have been at the Board about a year and remember what it's like to be new. Then the new person has someone close to their age they can go to lunch with, etc. My team chief says I could get a day off or a cash bonus out of it. Whoo cash!

Mom's Quote of the Day: :" LIAR! You LIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" (Mom yelling at the EHarmony commercial guy)

Currently Watching: West Wing *sniffle* Goodbye John Spencer.

Currently Reading: "In the Company of the Courtesan" by Sarah Dunant

Fame Is A Fickle Mistress

My adoring public has asked, and so I must deliver. And by adoring public, I mean two of the four people who read my blog. You have demanded more random trivia (claiming you already knew some of the things on my other list) so here you are. Random Maggie Facts Part Deux.

1. When I'm listening to my Ipod in my cubicle I will often make up and act out music videos to accompany them. But I can't leave my cubicle so they would probably be really boring music videos. Thank goodness for those high cubicle walls!

2. I really like the Conan movies. That would be Conan the Barbarian and Conan the Destroyer, starring Ahnold. But I do not like Ahnold, just the movies.

3. Sometimes, when deciding what to wear, I will pick my shoes first and design an outfit around them.

4. I have never been arrested. But I secretly want to be. I need some more street cred, yo.

5. My favorite color is purple, but I tell everyone it's blue so I don't seem as girly.

He's Lump, He's Lump, He's In My Head

This is Lumpy.



Lumpy is my Dad's dog. He is an 85 pound lab/retriever/boxer mix. While he is large, he is the biggest wuss in the world. He once ran and hid when my beagle barked at him. Did I mention my beagle was 15 years old and wearing one of those cones around her neck they put on dogs after surgery? Yeah, Lump has the heart of a lion. My stepmom refers to him as the Longhaired Wimpdog.

Having said that, Lumpy simply loves to destroy his toys. For Christmas he was given a stuffed Santa. Within days he had ripped off Sant's head, arms, and legs. But then he would walk around with the little arm or leg sticking out of his mouth. And he still loves to gnaw on Santa's torso. Charming.

Last week I went to my Grandmother's house and Lumpy and my Dad were there. Grandma had another one of the Santa toys Lumpy had previously destroyed, and she gave it to him right before I arrived. When I walked into the room and saw Lumpy chewing on it, the following conversation took place:

Me: Isn't that the same Santa toy from before?
Dad: It's his favorite kind.
Me: So he hasn't managed to decapitate, disembowel, or defenestrate it yet?
Dad: Marg, just give him time.
Lumpy: *pops off Santa's head and runs off with it dangling from his mouth*
Dad: See?

You know what they say about good things and those who wait. Go Lumpy! Or as I affectionately call him, Lumpy McLumperson.

Even My Ear Canals Are Messed Up

I have had a cold for the past 5 days and, as they are want to do, my ears clogged up. When I get sick, my ears tend to go on wax production overload and they inevitably get clogged. Why am I telling you this? Because I went to the health unit here at my office to have an ear irrigation, and the very nice doctor told me I have crooked ear canals. As in, me ear canals, are not straight. WTF? Of all the random things to to have wrong with you, my frickin EAR CANALS? Ah, the betrayal that is my genetic legacy.

This news has inspired me to create a list for you. The Top 5 Things You Didn't Know About Maggie. Proceed at your own risk.

1. My ear canals are crooked.

2. When I am alone in my car, I sing along with the radio and imagine I am on American Idol. And Simon only says nice things to me.

3. I enjoy going to the dentist. I never have cavities, and my mouth feels so good afterwards!

4. My feet sweat. Like, a lot.

5. I once had an unhealthy obsession with the anime cartoon "Sailor Moon." Hey, I was 18. And I haven't seen it in like 7 years. God, I was a dork.

Maybe I Am a Good Lawyer

Today I got my first Outstanding rating on a case write-up. Whee! Here at the Board, an attorney can receive three possible ratings on a case: Unsatisfactory, Satisfactory, and Outstanding. And today I got my first Outstanding! *happy dance in cubicle which suspiciously resembles the Snoopy dance*

I also had my six month review last week, and I'll be honest, I was a bit nervous. I have been going through a phase where I had been doubting my skillz as an attorney, a lot of my cases were being heavily revised by my judge, and I just felt kind of down. But then I had my review and received all Successful ratings (out of either Successful or Unsuccessful)! I am "conscientious in [my] approach and cooperative in all [my] relationships. Ms. Riley is an asset to team and to the Board."

I'm an asset! Take THAT high school gym class people picking me last. I am conscientious and an asset. Oh, snap!

Mom Quote of the Day: "Have you updated your blog lately? What's my quote of the day? I need to think of something funny to say!"

Currently Listening To: "We Used to be Friends" from the Dandy Warhols. Not only is this the best song ever because it is the Veronica Mars theme song, it was also featured in the Wonderfalls episode I watched last night. Awesome.

Currently Watching: I'm at work! Duh.

PS: I switched the background here to a darker color. Let me know if you prefer the white background. I can't decide! I think the darkness adds an air of mystery and class, but it is kind of harder to read.

Oh, Yes, There Will be Drag Queens

I am horribly late at writing this post, and am therefore a horrible person. Two weekends ago, us law school gals took out Arista for her bachelorette party. We were wild and crazy, or actually just kinda kooky.

The festivities kicked off on Saturday night when we all gathered at Moe's fab apartment in Courthouse in Arlington. For those of you not from Northern Virginia, this is a very swanky area of Arlington, kind of straddling the edge of yuppie-ville without being completely of it. I arrived, inflatable mattress in tow, ready for a night on the town! The group was comprised of me, Arista (duh), Caroline, Monique, Lori, Janice, and Virginia. Yes folks, we got Virginia to go out! Clearly the end is nigh because this is the first sign of the Apocalypse.


All of us trooped down to the Metro and went to Dupont Circle where we dined at this really adorable restaurant called "Al Tiramasu." Even though we had to wait 45 minutes for our table, and I managed to knock a wine glass off the bar and break it, we burned our way through 2 bottles of wine and were all feeling happy when we sat down. We had this great table right in front of the fire place, and the food was amazing. I even broke my veal taboo and got the fetuccini with veal ragu. Which was, hello, delicious, but I still feel guilty about getting the veal. I mean, little baby cow, people! HOW COULD I??

So, back on topic...after we had all stuffed ourselves, drank three more bottles of wine (and perhaps a gin and tonic here and there), we went back to Moe's for some good old fashioned chick flicks. Specifically, Bridget Jones' Diary, which only improves upon multiple viewings. Although I stand by my opinion that Colin Firth, however hot and amazing he is, does not look like a good kisser. After stuffing ourselves further with cookies, I inflated my mattress and went to sleep. Except I kind of forgot to put the cap on and in the morning it was almost flat. On the good news side of thing, I forgot my sleep shirt and Moe lent me when one of her t-shirts, and her size medium shirt fit over my boobs! Yay!

Sunday morning we all rose and shone (except for Virginia who was so hung over she had to go home, sad!) and went to brunch in Adams Morgan at a delightful little establishment called Perry's. They have a Sunday brunch that is delicious, and includes a free showing of drag queens! Yes, you read me right, there is a drag show at Perry's every Sunday. I had been before, and knew it was awesome, but truth be told, I was a little worried Arista wouldn't be into it. But she rose to the occasion and danced with all the drag queens that came her way, and I think had a great time! And she even danced with the one that was only wearing pasties, and let me assure you, that drag queen had undergone the reassignment surgery. There was no doubt. We had three pitchers of mimosas, danced and shimmied with drag queens, and enjoyed a delicious brunch.


Thus endeth the bachelorette party. Now only three weeks until the wedding and the trip to Savannah for the social event of the season!

What Mitzvah? Bat Mitzvah!

This Saturday was my cousin Bonnie's bat mitzvah. In Judaism, when a girl or boy reaches the age of 13 they are accepted into the community as an adult. A special service commemorates this milestone and the entire family and synagogue celebrate. Did I mention it is a really long service? It began at 9:30 Saturday morning (sundown Friday to sundown Saturday is the Jewish sabbath) and lasted until almost 1:00. I think this might have had something to do with there also being a baby naming ceremony, but whatevs.

Mom and I arrived at the synagogue at about 11 and snuck into the back. Of course all Mom's cousins (she has 17!) recognized us right away because we are these two red-headed splotches in the back row, but it was ok. While my cousin's synagogue is conservative, with such a long service it is not uncommon for people to stand up and move around, go to the back to chat and visit, or have to take their kids out when they get fussy. Most people walked right by Mom and I and kind of stared. I chalk this up to 1) they didn't recognize us and in a tight-knit community they wondered who the strangers were and 2) I in no way look Jewish. Although Mom does except for her red hair. She is a wee little Jewish woman!

As part of the service, Bonnie was required to read for the Torah. Although Jews don't just read. They sing the text. So Bonnie (who had just turned 13) had to stand up in front of hundreds of people and sing. In Hebrew. And then she had to give a speech. But that was in English, whew! She handled herself with grace and aplomb and sounded really good! Turns out that all Mom's cousins are great singers. I think we should take our act on the road: The Meiselman Family Singers (and Maggie).

After the service (finally) ended, we retired to the gathering room where we had lunch. But of course we had to bless the food and that took another 10 minutes of praying/singing. Then we dug in, mingled with the family, and I scored an invite to a Passover Seder in April. Sweet! The best part of the afternoon was after the eating was done, we did more praying/singing, but this time it was awesome praying in celebration of Bonnie with hand clapping, feet stomping and much harmonization. The only little hiccup was when my uncle (my Mom's brother), told her she had to put our camera away because we couldn't take pictures in the synagogue on the sabbath. She got all offended and huffy and was mad at him. But she's always mad at him so I tried to brush it off but she kind of fixated on it for the rest of the day. I'm trying to talk her into coming to the Seder with me, but who knows.

Overall, we had a great time and it was nice to see my family in a non-funeral environment. That seems to be the only time we all get together anymore. Mazletov Bonnie!

Mom's Quote of the Day: "I sure am glad I was raised reformed. It took a lot less time to do stuff. There was a heck of a lot less praying."

Currently Listening to: Summer Mix! The calendar says Spring dammit.

Currently Reading: "Labyrinth" by Kate Mosse

St. Patrick's Day 2006

Ah, St. Patrick's Day. When everyone is Irish, and the people who are actually Irish look down on those pretending to be Irish. It's great! And to add to the wonderfulness, Eric and Selvi came into town for a mini-bridge club reunion. Alas, Chris was on his cruise (screw him!) but at least we got to see Hehe.

Eric arrived on Thursday night. But there is much more to the story than that. Apparently some very responsible DC National Airport employee "thought" he "might" have seen "something resembling" a box cutter on someone who had already passed through security. So they shut down the terminal. AND made everyone who had already been through security go back through and get rescanned. Which means no flights left DC for about 3 hours. Unfortunately for me, when I checked the internet for the flight status it said "On Time." As in, come on down sucker, nothing to see here, your friend will be here on time! And of course I don't get Eric's messages telling me his flight hadn't even left yet until I am standing in the terminal. So I went home and watched Supernatural in the meantime. Booyah!

On Friday morning Selvi joined us and we went to a local high school to see the William and Mary Wind Symphony (formerly Concert Band, but apparently they are too cool for that now). It was fun and the band sounded amazing. And I swear to god, the following conversation took place:

Selvi: GO PETE!
Random School Official: We are trying to discourage the kids from doing that.
Selvi: *shame*
Pete: Oh my god kill me now.

Here is a picture of Eric, Selvi, and I with some of the current band kids. Aren't they cute??!!



And then here is my and Andrew. I haven't decided how I feel about the facial hair yet. Redheads unite!



Friday afternoon-night we spent at an Irish pub in Old Town Alexandria called Murphy's. It was PACKED and there was quite a police presence (as you can see in the pics). But we scored a sweet spot by the window which allowed for a breeze and not too much crowding for the slack jawed (drunken) yockels. There was much alcohol consumed, but we kicked it old school, because my MOM drove us and picked us up. That's right, my Mom drove her 26 year old drunken daughter around. She rocks.







Saturday was bridge day! We trekked out to Hehe's place in Herndon (or as I affectionately call it, Purgatory) and played some bride! See below. Selvi was craving some veggies I guess. But really, she should have left the tree alone.



Eric's contemplating his cards.



Hehe and Selvi!


Me: When was your last car accident?
Selvi: That wasn't an accident! It was a minor mishap.
Me: Yeah, it wasn't an accident, you meant to drive into that ditch.

Oh, and did I mention that last week Josh and Donna totally made out on The West Wing? It's like John Wells finally listened to the psychic vibrations I was sending his way. Either that or he was afraid I would fly out to LA and KICK HIS ASS.




Currently watching: Swingers

Currently Reading: "The Amber Spyglass" by Phillip Pullman

Twist My Arm Why Don't Cha

As I say in my profile, I have tried hard to bury my inner nerd, but it always seems to find it's way out (like that scene in Alien and Spaceballs). One of my guilty pleasures is the Sci-Fi series Battlestar Galactica that currently airs on Friday nights. Although I always have to tape it, because I'm not so lame that I'm sitting home on Friday night, but I think we can all agree I'm still a geek.

My mentor at work (the senior attorney who was assigned to train me) is also apparently a big nerd, because he watches the show as well. Although he is even a BIGGER nerd because he keeps trying to convince me to watch the original series from the 1970s. This would be the Battlestar Gallactica that starred Dirk Benedict. Dirk Benedict who played Face on the A-Team. Yeah, it's that bad.

Here is an email he sent me this afternoon trying to convince me to watch the original series:

From: Wight, David L
Sent: Wednesday, March 08, 2006 15:06
To: Riley, Margaret
Subject: RE: original BG


The original series has hidden Pandas throughout each episode.
Apollo's not a big wuss and he doesn’t have to resort to hookers.
You also get to meet his long lost sister.
Boomer kicks ass without whinning all the time.

Your life would be more fulfilled if you saw it.

Harry Potter is in it and Veronica Mars has a cameo.


Now. This is very funny to me. Because it tells me how easy I am to read when it comes to my hobbies. All he has to do is drop in pandas and Veronica Mars and I am all over it. Although this time I have successfully resisted. Good thing he didn't tell me Jensen Ackles was in it, I would have updated my Netflix que with that shit in 2 seconds.

Dear Jon, you rock! Smooches, Maggie.

It does seem a bit strange all the praise Hollywood seems to lavish on itself. But we still love it, and we still watch it. Although judging from the ratings, not enough people watch it. But personally, I thought Jon Stewart was one of the best Oscar hosts I have ever seen. But I bet he played better on the tv than he did live. Sarcastic, sharp wit aside, Jon Stewart does have a quiet elegance about him. And he looked so darn cute in a tux! Speaking of tuxes and looking good, here are some of picks from Oscar night gowns:

Oh, and P.S. my best dressed overall pick is Meryl Streep. But I cannot for the life of me find a good picture of her and her dress. I'll keep lookin! But if you saw her, you know she looked AMAZING.



He's so cute! Can I take him home? Please??


Reese FINALLY gets it right after her fashion debacles at the Golden Globes and SAG Awards. She bought her vintage Dior in Paris and had it restored back in the States. Her hair, make-up, and jewelry all look perfect. And I do not know what Tim Gunn was smoking when he said this dress looked "dowdy." Bravo, Reese!


If Selma had pulled her hair back and tossed on a necklace, I probably would have given her best dressed. I just don't get the bare neck look. You people are rich, so wrap yourself in diamonds! Show us how the other half lives!

Mom's Oscar Quote of the Day (during the Oscar telecast):

Marie Curie "We have discovered a new element!"
Mom: "And now we will get cancer!"

Michael Freaking Buble!

Friday was the big day. After months of anticipation, Michael Freaking Buble (Boo-blay) performed at DAR Constitution Hall in DC. Arista had planned on accompanying me, but she was called away for a job interview in Charlotte, North Carolina. While I am vexed she is considering moving to such a far away locale, I have decided not to give her too much crap over it. I think she and Mike want to buy a large home for all the children and/or cats they are planning on having, and housing costs are much more reaonable there. Or maybe she just hates us. Hmmm. I'll have to think about that one.


Anyhoo, it seemed like everyone in the free world had plans for Friday night, but Chris came through in a pinch and accompanied me, despite his dog Phoebe giving birth that night to her second litter of puppies. Thankfully, his devoted partner K-Fed (aka Kent) was home to watch over the expectant mother. Get hot water and towels! (question--what do people do with the hot water in those situations? I guess wash the baby when it comes out all slimy. But I digress.)


We went to dinner at Bertucci's on Connecticut Avenue and then cabbed down to Constitution Hall where we had to stand outside in the cold until they opened the doors. Our seats turned out to be awesome, diagonally off the stage and in the top row. We could see the entire stage and had a great view of Michael.


Michael was sporting a black Hugo Boss suit with a purple button down shirt underneath. I know this because he and his band did a faux runway show. It was pretty hot. This is in addition to his Johnny Cash and Michael Jackson impressions. Oh, yes, there was crotch grabbing. He performed his usual stage antics, running into the audience for hugs and pictures, talking to members of the audience from the stage, cracking jokes through the set, and allowing his band to shine with a fab rendition of "It Don't Mean A Thing If It Ain't Got That Swing." He is a class act. I think I almost swooned a couple times.


But the best part was the very end of the concert. At his second encore, Michael abandoned his mike and sang the last verse of his song (basically a valentine to the audience for their love and support) acapella. The entire hall was silent as he simply stood on stage and sang to us. We could hear every word and it really was an amazing moment. Sigh. I love him so.

I had concocted this elaborate fantasy in my head, where I was wandering about the hall looking for the bathroom or something, and I just happened to bump into him and drop my bag. He, of course, stopped to help me pick things up, and then one thing led to another and he invited me to travel with him on tour. Alas, it was not to be.

Michael Freaking Buble quote of the day: "I'm so happy to be back in Washington. Last time I was here, the Post gave me a great review, saying I sang like a bird. And while that was really nice of them, it kind of made me nervous to come back, because I may sing like a bird, but I hope Dick Cheney doesn't mistake me for one."

Michael Freaking Buble quote of the day part deux: "I want to thank you men for coming out tonight. I know your girlfriends and wives dragged you out here. Look at this way, I put air in the tires, and you get to ride her all the way home."

He is quite raunchy you know. And it's hott.

Currently Watching: Oscars baby!

Currently Reading: "The Subtle Knife" by Phillip Pullman

Michigan: Where the people hate the gays, but love their unions! Go figure.

So I wrote this huge long post where I said everything I did on my trip to Michigan and then blogger ate it. ATE IT. As in, it's gone. Well, sorry dudes. I am not typing that shit all over again. So here are the pics:



This are Bill's friends Eric and Diane, and their new baby, Rebecca. She is the cutest thing ever. She's so wee!


This is me and Amanda, my bf from high school, at this awesome chocolate shop in Ann Arbor. Amanda, Bill, and I went out Friday night and had a fab dinner at this restaraunt called "Gratzi!" which totally makes me think of some gay dude running into the street, throwing up his hat Mary Tyler Moore style, and shouting "GRATZI!" We then went back to Amanda's lovely (but very beige, girl needs to paint a wall) apartment and watched Rent. And the three hour documentary about Jonathan Larson. Jesus, it was long, and depressing.


On Saturday, Bill, Amanda, Nathan, Holly, and I went to Canada for dinner. Yes folks, we went to another country. For dinner. It was cool. As Bill said "Detroit never looks better than when you are looking at it from another country." We went to a very posh restaurant and then to an Irish pub with a live Celtic band. We took pics down by the river separating Canada from Detroit.


Bill's on the left and Nathan is on the right. He's making a freaky face, but he's really nice. I swear. And he almost spit up his drink about 10 times when I would say something amusing. Like it's my fault he chooses to drink when I am trying to be charming?

Other random Michigan thoughts:

--I got to drive stick again, and I mean on a car, you sickos. I totally rocked out, no stalling, so lurching, it was like falling off a horse, or riding a bike. Whichever.

--All of Bill's friends are having babies and some of them are YOUNGER than me. Weird. But I just got out of school! This is what I tell myself so I don't feel bad.

--It is cold in Michigan. I was cold the whole time. And I'm sorry, I was not being a wuss. When it's 20 degrees outside BEFORE the wind blows, it is effing cold.

Bill's Quote of the Day:

Bill: When we get back to the house, we can watch "Secondhand Lions!"
Me: *gagging noises*
Bill: I love how you support me in all my endeavors.

Mom's Quote of the Day: "When I interview with Warren he will probably ask me 'how do you plan to get over this personality defect where nobody likes you?' and I'm going to say, 'you are full of shit, Warren!"

Currently Watching: "Lost" Gah, I am so mainstream. But I am ONLY watching Lost because Veronica Mars is a rerun and I am pissed about the second hiatus.

Currently Reading: "The Lincoln Lawyer" by Michael Connelly

What exactly is a triple Salchow?

It's nice to know that I still rate a "miss" on the greeting-o-meter. I scored a "here you go, miss" at the CVS and the Subway. HA! Take that! No ma'am for me!

Caroline and I have finally figured it out. Think of the Ann Rice vampire novels...Louis is to Lestat as Rudy Galindo is to Johnny Weir. As Caroline so eloquently put it, "Johnny Weir is a vampire. He blew through fey, catapulted right over queer, and has become Lestat." Well played, Johnny, well played. The man names his ICE SKATNG CONSTUMES people. Austin Scarlett would be proud.





"I'm a swan, wheeeee!"







But please don't get me wrong. I love figure skating! It is the one winter Olympic sport I will make sure I don't miss (except for ice dancing, that shit is lame). And Evan Lysacek (who came in fourth, good for him!) is a hottie. And I am almost 80% sure he is straight, so whoo! Last night's competition was interesting, but we were shut out of the medals. There's always next time! And how can you not like Johnny Weir? He's a true character and is always entertaining. So you keep on being yoself Johnny.

Am I the only one who has wondered what is the difference between all those skating jumps? No? Good.

PS: My overuse of caps seems to have evolved into an overuse of exclamation points. You would think I was a teeny bopper from reading this post. Yikes.

Mom's Quote of the Day: "Curling really is an awesome sport. And when else are you going to see men holding brooms?"

Currently Listening To: "How to Dismantle An Atomic Bomb" U2

Currently Reading: "The Golden Compass" by Philip Pullman

Worst Weekend Ever

It started out nice. Friday night after work Jay, Josh, and I had dinner at the Smithsonian Jazz Cafe located in the basement of the Natural History Museum. The food was excellent, the bar stocked, and the music of the latin jazz variety. After dinner we trooped upstairs for a showing of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on the IMAX. Yes, folks, after traveling all the way to Hampton, Virginia to see this show two months ago, it plays in my very own backyard. But the movie was just as good as it was the first few times I saw it, and the night was enjoyable. As Jay put it, "this is the best three-way date I've ever had." Word.

Then, disaster struck. Disaster in the form of 9 inches of snow dumped upon us. While the snow did not stick to the streets, and began to melt almost immediately, sometime after midnight, the power at my house was knocked out. That's right folks. 2 days with no heat and no electricity. Also known as SUBURBAN HELL. The temperature in the house at night was about 30 degrees (my nose was so cold) and there was nothing to do. Sure I listened to some podcasts, did my nails, read some books (all while huddled in front of the fireplace), I could not venture beyond the fire's heat and light to perform any of the chores I had hoped to get done this weekend. And without the comforting buzz of my electronics, things were quiet. Too quiet.

Mom and I made every excuse to get out of the house--we needed some warm food, there's a good movie playing at the multiplex, I need to drop off some paperwork--nothing could erase the displeasure one feels when forced out of one's home because it is too freaking cold to stay there. Of course, the fact that Mom and I bickered like old women the whole time did nothing to alleviate our troubles.

Finally, around 5:00 Monday evening, the power came back on. The heater pumped out hot air, we could open the refrigerator without fear of spoiling the milk, and I could get my Veronica Mars tape out of the VCR. I am sure the Amish are laughing at our display of wussitude, but come on. We can expect a few simple comforts in this day and age, right?

Mom's Quote of the Day: "It could have been worse, at least nobody got cancer or died this weekend."

Currently Listening To: "Why Do They Rock So Hard" Reel Big Fish

Currently Reading: "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" by J.K. Rowling

Birthday Hijinks!

Well, it's official. I'm 26 years old. And it feels pretty good. Unlike some people, I don't really mind getting older. Apart from some oh so gentle ribbing by my friends, nothing really bothers me about being 26. Next stop, late 20s! Alight here for marriage and job security. Whoo!

The birthday celebration kicked off Friday night, when I met up with the old school crowd at Chadwicks. I was a) surprised by how many people came out (honestly, it was so sweet) and b) WASTED. Really, it was all Tony's fault. He's the one who ordered me that rum, cranberry juice, butterscoth liqueur monstrosity. Seriously folks stay away from that shit. As I puked (twice!) the following morning, the memory of that butterscoth liqueur haunted me. But, since Tony was kind enough to drive my drunken self home, he's my favorite person ever!

And in true Selvi style, here is a recreation of a conversation from the bar:

Jay: Hey, Margaret, for your birthday I was going to compose you a poem!
Me: Jay, that is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done. What do you mean "was?"
Jay: Well, I couldn't get past the first half.
Me: How did it go?
Jay: Something like....red-haired momma...shit, that's not it....Maggie momma...Jesus, what was it?
Me: Uh...thanks dude.
Jay: So then I just decided to go with a dirty limerick. There once was a girl named Maggie...
Me: Bartender!

Saturday was a girl's night that got whittled down to Arista, myself, and Caroline. But we kicked it slumber party style with cheesburgers, ice cream sundaes, and the Oscar contenders "Center Stage" and "The Cutting Edge." Seriously, two of the best chick flicks ever. Run, don't walk, to your nearest Blockbuster video. Or Target where they can be procured for approximately $4.99. Now THAT'S quality.

Sunday wrapped up the weekend with dinner at Grandma's and my home-made ice cream cake. Good god my family is awesome. And I could not care less that I missed the Super Bowl or it's mediocre commercials because...PUPPY BOWL II!

Now if I could only find people to go see Champions on Ice with my in April. Who can resist Rudy Galindo, the gayest figure skater ever. Don't believe me? Check it:



I mean, how awesome is he? In the Navy indeed.

Oh and mom just came out of the basement from pulling up floor tile and told me "hopefully you will marry money and not have to do this." WORD. Any takers? Dude, I need more rich friends. Oh, yeah and my own place. Although my mom is awesome. Shut it.

Currently reading: "The Dante Club" by Matthew Pearl (good but slow paced and too many maggots, do not read if you can't handle maggots!)

Currently listening to: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe soundtrack" (it killed my old ipod, but the hot Australian guy at the Apple store gave me a new one...even though my warranty expired 6 days ago. I love you hot Australian guy!)

Freaky Links!

Because I love you all I have decided to share these fun links I discovered while "working," or more appropriately put, "while surfing the internet on government time."

Well, this clinches it. Not the holocaust, not volvos, not sauerkraut, but this link cements the Germans as the craziest people EVER. I mean come on, David Hasselhoff? WTF, Germany, WTF?

And remember when Will and Grace was new, and the world was rosy? "Gay people on television?" we scoffed. "What is this craziness of which you speak?" Then the show got stale and it just wasn't as funny. But relive the glory days with this 30 second clip. Just...awesome. Scroll down to the "Oops I Did It Again Dance."

As my birthday approaches (February 3, mark your calendars!), I become more and more concerned with things related to it (duh). So as I flipped through my In Style magazine at lunch, I actually read my horoscope. Here is what their astrologer had to say for Aquarius (the water bearer...like, thanks, for telling everyone I retain water, magazine people).


Aquarius Profile

You're quirky, outgoing, creative, and practically immune to peer pressure. On the other hand, focusing so intensely on your pet projects can leave your loved ones feeling neglected. Daring and original, you have a knack for creating your own look by mixing clothes in unexpected ways. Others admire your playfulness and confidence. Flirting comes naturally to bold Aquarians, but when faced with divulging true feelings, you use extreme caution. Beware you don't come off as aloof while trying to guard your fragile heart from harm.

It seems pretty close to the mark. I am definitely quirky. But here are the celebrity examples they give for Aquarius: Mischa Barton, Sheryl Crow, and PARIS HILTON. Ugh! I cannot imagine three people I am more dissimilar to. Blech!

In the goods news category, Arista and I are going to see Michael Buble perform at DAR Constitution Hall in March. So awesome! He is so adorable and has such an amazing voice, I am even willing to forgive him for being Canadian. I mean, people can't help where they're born, right? And if he was American, he probably wouldn't have such an awesome name. Boo-blay...it just rolls off the tongue.

Currently Reading: "Artemis Fowl" by Eoin Colfer

Currently Listening To: "Innocent Man" Billy Joel (can you believe nobody wants to go with me to see his concert in April?)

Move Over Versace

There are many people in the world who would make excellent fashion icons. But just because someone is famous, it does not mean the world should seek to emulate their fashion style. For example, nobody should try to dress like the following people: Kirsten Dunst, Sienna Miller, either of the Olson Twins, Michael Madsen, Madonna, Johnny Depp, Dick Cheney, Condoleeza Rice, anybody from the 1970s.

But someone has gone a step further. There I was, walking the two blocks to Au Bon Pain to get a delicious bagel and I spy with my little eye someone taking their fashion cues from JACK FUCKING ABRAMOFF. That's right, some random business man was wearing the Abramoff classic.

Now, in case you live outside the Metro area and are ignorant as to who I mean, I will elaborate. Jack Abramoff is the lobbyist who is currently being prosecuted/persecuted (hee) for bribing Congressmen with trips to Scotland, cash, and all sorts of pork products. And this is how he dresses for court:



I just...don't...what...why...WTF, random business man on street, WTF? He had it all folks, the black trench coat, the fedora placed just so it would cover his shifty eyes...what was he thinking? If we as a culture have learned anything in the past ten years it is that big trench coats do not inspire confidence, in fact they usually make people want to search you for weapons. So why would you choose to model yourself after the man who has come to represent all that is corrupt with DC? I thought about crossing to the other side of the street when I saw this guy coming because it was so disconcerting.

So be on the look-out folks. New for spring 2006: the trench coat/fedora combo. Just what every well-dressed crook will be wearing.

Currently Reading: "Knife of Dreams", by Robert Jordan (he's back on track!)

Currently Listening to: "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Soundtrack"

Short and Sweet

This will be a short post, as not much has happened lately in the land of Maggie. My morning ritual involves waking before 6 a.m. and driving to the metro station. As soon as I alight onto the platform, the train leaves. Thanks, douchebag driver. So I stand on the (freezing) platform and read my Washington Post Express. For those of you not from the area, this is a smallish paper devoted to the local, world, and national news and is aimed at a younger reading audience. Oh, and it's free. Sweet!

The Express does not take itself too seriously, and the last page has the celebrity news. For some reason, the headlines on this particular day were quite amusing so I have decided to share them with you.

On Angelina Jolie's pregnancy..."In Your Face, Aniston! Boo-Ya!" (

On the release of Colin Farrell's sex tape on the internet..."Site Shuts Down After Causing Mass Blindness" (under the heading "Gross")

On Eminem and his ex-wife reuniting..."No One Can Inspire Violent, Misogynistic Lyrics Like You Can"

On the arrest of former pop singer Lief Garret..."Ryan Cabrera's Future"

And because it's always good for a laugh, here is the IM conversation Moe, Caroline, and I had during last week's "Supernatural" (once again, centered on the hotness of Jensen Ackles and about an evil scarecrow that comes to life and kills people....you kinda had to be there)

MOPPYMOE: i am scared already
dissident1L: also, wasn't there already a hookman episode?
dissident1L: dude
dissident1L: pillow of fear.
MOPPYMOE: dude i couldnt get through the hook episode
dissident1L: i didn't even try.
dissident1L: ohhhh
dissident1L: i SEE!
dissident1L: it's totally gonna come alive and hook him
RedMomma3: OMG
RedMomma3: so scary
RedMomma3: why is he so freakin hot
dissident1L: what happened?
RedMomma3: and brave, he got right in that thing's face
MOPPYMOE: its unfair, there is only one of him and 15 million single women approximately his age that would jump his bones in an instant
dissident1L: yeah. b/c, blech, even if it wasn't eeeevil
RedMomma3: the scarecrow had a tatoo on its arm the dude did
dissident1L: SERIOUSLY
dissident1L: right. but did it, like, open its eeeevil eyes?
RedMomma3: so the dude is now the scarecrow
MOPPYMOE: i didnt see either, did it come alive again/.??
RedMomma3: sigh
RedMomma3: you two
dissident1L: what about the chick?
RedMomma3: she dead
dissident1L: maybe she's the wicked witch who cooks little lost children in her oven
MOPPYMOE: she doesnt get to be a freaky scarecrow??
dissident1L: brb -- need tostitos
RedMomma3: haha
RedMomma3: ok
RedMomma3: who gives a crap about smallville?
RedMomma3: now that Jensen isn't on I am surprised anyone even watches
MOPPYMOE: he was on smallville??
RedMomma3: yeah
MOPPYMOE: he was on something else that i used to watch and i couldnt for the life of me remember waht it was
MOPPYMOE: i dont remember him on it
dissident1L: oh, sigh.
dissident1L: this isn't the perfect-little-town-kept-alive-by-the-blood-of-virgins, is it?
MOPPYMOE: lets go to the orchard baby
RedMomma3: like that girl was a virgin
RedMomma3: bitch, please
dissident1L: HAHAHA
dissident1L: she sucks.
MOPPYMOE: duh bitch
dissident1L: BIG FUCKING SURPRISE YOU MORON
RedMomma3: her tooth is fucked up
MOPPYMOE: hahahaha
RedMomma3: it's all sticking out
RedMomma3: what a hobag
RedMomma3: did you see how she uncrossed her legs?
dissident1L: dude, you can't fuck HIM for a ride, he's at the bus station too!
RedMomma3: she's a succubus or something
dissident1L: snaggletooth
RedMomma3: seriously
MOPPYMOE: wasnt he just all upset that his girlfriend was dead
dissident1L: IT"S THE PIE!!!!
RedMomma3: evil pie
MOPPYMOE: oh my god!
dissident1L: I'M TELLING YOU, IT'S THE PIE
MOPPYMOE: u are so right!!
RedMomma3: maggie gylenhal look-alike
RedMomma3: sp?
MOPPYMOE: save them dean!!!
MOPPYMOE: take the pie
dissident1L: dude, she totally is!
MOPPYMOE: flush it!
RedMomma3: eat some pie, save a life

The pie was totally evil. And why do I say "dude" so often?

He had a dream, and I get the day off....seems fair.

Happy MLK day! Martin Luther King day is one of the best holidays. A great man who deserves to be remembered. And federal holidays mean the day off...whoo!

This has been quite an active weekend. On Saturday night I went to a DC staple, Brickskellers. It's a pub just outside Dupont Circle that has a beer list with over 100 selections. It was just like going back to my favorite pub in Scotland. I had the most amazing drink (it sounds gross but is delicious)it's half Guinness beer and half cider. Yum! Then I had a couple Blackthorne's...we were all kind of silly by the end of the night. Which was good because the walk back to the Metro was FREEZING. But I don't really remember all of it. So, that's a plus. And I got to see Jay, Carly, and Tony. Old school peeps hang out time! It's difficult making time for the high school friends, the college friends, and the law school friends. I have also learned that sometimes mixing groups does not go well.

Today I met up with Monique and we went to the National Archives. The best parts were the "Charters of Freedom." In the main rotunda are the Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, and the Bill of Rights. Call me a history buff and a geek but there is something thrilling about seeing those historical documents. Dude, I saw John Adams' signature! ACK! Did I just squee over the founding fathers? I think I did. At least I own it.

Then we hit the Landmark E Street Cinema, THE place for independent movies in DC. I had never been there before, but it's nice. Dupont Circle theatre shows independent movies, but it's kind of squeevy. Like, that wet patch on the floor? Might be soda...might be something else. You just step over it and hope for the best. Moe and I saw "Pride and Prejudice" and it was just as awesome as the first time. Sometimes I can be such a girl. I sit through the whole thing with a grin on my face. Why can't we all speak in posh British accents and wear waistcoats and walk through the English countryside? I mean, if I lived in a place with those peaks and meadows I would be out there all the time walking around. Not sitting in my basement watching "Center Stage." It's no Hartfordshire.

All in all a lovely three day weekend. And there are more to come. I just signed up for the Alternate Work Schedule, which means I do 9 hour days and get every other Monday off. Y'all, if you get a chance to work for the federal government, TAKE IT.

Currently Reading: "Naked" by David Sedaris

Currently Watching: "Center Stage" best dance movie ever. But the Director's commentary sucks.

God, Thy Name is Stewart, Jon

As I am sure you have all heard, Jon Stewart is hosting this year's Oscars. Woo! So I have Jon Stewart on the brain. And THEN I hear about David Letterman supposedly smacking down Bill O'Reilly. Which I thought was not really smacking, more of a light tap on the shoulder. As much as I dislike him, I had to give Bill credit for remaining calm and cool while the audience and Dave were clearly against him. But I digress.

Jon Stewart delivered the ultimate conservative smackdown in 2004 when he took down Tucker Carlson on CNN's now-defunct "Crossfire." I have a feeling "Crossfire" is no longer part of the tv schedule in no small part due to Jon's appearance. I had not seen the entire appearance until I stumbled over a clip, and it's awesome. I mean, seriously people. He is so rad.

Go Jon Go!

He starts off very nice, with his usual dry sense of humor. And he really doesn't get mean until Tucker says he's not funny. And you DO NOT call Jon Stewart un-funny. That is just wrong. And then the real smacking begins. Take THAT Tucker, you and your dumb bowtie. BOOM! POW! Very ala Batman the old tv series. I kept waiting for the moment when Jon would mount him and show him who's boss! Although that would not air on CNN, that would be more appropriately on pay-per-view. And you know I would pay for that shit.

In other news...Selvi has become quite sassy lately. Being on her own in Richmond has inspired her to become more independent. Now, the ever present dilemma. Do I rejoice in her newfound confidence or mourn her now absent hero-worshiping of me? I will choose.....rejoice! But only because my New Years resolution was to be a nicer person. You go Selvster! Don't take crap from anyone, including me! As she so eloquently put it last night, "A true alpha female would not need to tell everyone what she was." Touche, Selvi, touche. Bitch.

And now just because I have the technology and really how can I not share this:



Geez Jensen. Bore a hole in my soul with your eyes why don't you? That was for you Moe!

Currently Reading: "Anansi Boys" by Neil Gaimon

Currently Listening to: "It's Time" Michael Buble (pronounced boo-blay, say it--it's fun!)

Road Trip

Just got back from Williamsburg, where I got to visit Carl! Yay Carl! I was a total bum and missed his birthday (which was in November) so I went down to have some fun and assuage my guilt. And Caroline came with, despite the fact she swore in blood never to return to the 'burg. And we had a great time. Woo!

Thus beginnith the rant of how I love Carl: because he knows what I am talking about when I say, "That's the chick from Poltergeist: The Legacy!" Because he drinks black currant cider (best ever y'all), because he listens to PotterCast, because he knows what an ISBN number is, because he will sing Rent with me in a hotel parking lot, and because I personify his SOUL! Thus endeth the rant.

While in Williamsburg, I stayed at the same hotel Chris and I stayed at a few weeks ago. And the same creepy front desk dude was there, with the same creepy trench coat. Everytime I go in there to see him, I feel like I'm interrupting his Dungeons and Dragons game or something. But, Big Apple Bagels makes everything better...yum jumbo muffins!

Caroline and I spent a lot of time last night talking about how we are lame now that we are old. I'll be 26 in less than a month, mark Feb. 3 on your calendars! But I figured it out. I had the same amount of fun starting drinking early and going to bed at midnight last night that I did being out until four in the morning in college. And I measure life in fun (and love of course) so I don't think we're lame. As long as we're having fun! Plus, in the morning we weren't super-tired, we weren't hung over, and my head wasn't in the toilet all day. So, I think we're going ok.

Currently Watching: Nip/Tuck pilot (from Netflix)
Currently Reading: Inkheart still (it's only been like two days, cut a sistah some slack)

Life Is Better With Ketchup

Here we find ourselves, adrift in the first few days of 2006. How does it feel? A lot like 2005. Whether that is good or bad news I leave to you, gentle reader.

Yesterday marked my three month anniversary at work. Yay? No, definitely, yay. I had what was probably my first "hard" day at work. There is this one case that has been sitting on my desk for a week. Everyday I would change my mind as to how I wanted to write the decision; one day it would be a denial, the next I would want to remand it...and then my mentor (Dave, the mentor) came in and was all "oh, the correct answer is so obvious! It has been staring you in the face all this time!" Don't you hate it when people do that? It's just like when I can't find the ketchup in the fridge and Mom waltzes by and sees it in two seconds. ANYWAY, what Dave told me basically meant I had to rewrite the whole decision and I was on my third draft at this point. It was very annoying and I basically had a big five minute bitch fest and the I buckled down and did it. But it was my first big work freak out. Go me!

Oh, and the title of this entry refers to the t-shirt my mom got me for Christmas. I love me some ketchup! But not mustard. No, mustard is the devil's condiment.

Oh, and because people with live journals do it, I'm going to do it too:

Currently Watching: Best of So Graham Norton
Currently Reading: Inkheart, by Cornelia Funke (how awesome a name is that?)

All I Want for Christmas is Veronica Mars

Y'all know I am a level-headed person. Ok, so maybe level-headed is not the best word to describe me...how about occasionally prone to rational thought? Anyhoo, call me crazy, but all I wanted this holiday was Veronica Mars Season 1 on DVD. AND I GOT IT.

As Linus pointed out, the true meaning of Christmas is remembering the birth of Jesus Christ. BOOOORING. The true meaning of Christmas is seeing family, reconnecting with friends, and getting loot. Not that I am materialistic. To quote Mr. Bill, "oooh noooo." But since I am so poor, I am dependent on the holidays to get me all the shit I can't afford myself. Those true necessities like the Dooney and Burke bag my mom gave me (!!!!). And Veronica Mars.

Because it really is the best show ever. EVER. Unfortunately, not that many people are watching it. It's on a semi-network (UPN) and so a lot of people discount it. But it's not too late! Season 1 is on DVD. So get it, watch it, and then the show will get picked up for more seasons and my future happiness will be assured.

But I must have other amusing stories about the holidays, right? Let's see...my brother Bill threw out his back lifting my Dad's 80 lb. christmas gift (it was a sander). Men. My mom has been walking on air since both her children have returned to the nest. My Dad feels bad about the sander incident and has been *gulp* nice since my brother got back.

Although I have to admit, my thoughts have been with my friends who have even more dysfunctional families. Stay strong you guys! This too shall pass.

Now if I can only make it to New Years! See my previous post....

PS: I think my use of caps in these posts is getting out of hand. I may need an intervention.

Holy Panda, Batman!

Guess who just scored two tickets to go see the baby Panda at the National Zoo?? ME THAT'S WHO. Yes, ladies and gents, Caroline and I will be lining up to see the bouncing baby bear cub on January 25 at 12:40pm.

In related news: did you know that pandas aren't actually bears at all? They are members of the marsupial family, like koala bears. How interesting.

PANDA!!!!

5, 4, 3, oh who the fuck cares?

So. New Years is approaching. I gotta admit, I'm not a big New Years fan. Why you may ask?

1) It's always a letdown. You prep all night for this one moment and then it comes and is gone and it's just like every other moment! Lame.

2) I feel old. In the words of Dumbledore, "Another year....gone." I don't feel old on my birthdays, but I tend to get a wee bit depressed on New Years. I never feel like I have accomplished anything the previous year, and it always seems like the coming year will be more of the same.

3) Forced drinking and making out. Neither of which I am opposed to. But there's all this pressure on New Years to get wasted and kiss someone! And then if you don't do either of those two, it's like you failed. Stop pressuring me Dick Clark! STOP IT I SAY!

I am looking forward to going to Keith and Virginia's on New Years Eve and seeing all my law school peeps. But, I'll have to try to not be blue. I get the New Years Eve blues! In fact, this will be what I look like:



Seriously, how awesome is that picture? You can find the cutest pictures known to man at www.cuteoverload.com

Don't believe me? Try this one on for size:




OMG I think I will fall out of my chair and die from cuteness. I feel better already! Bring it on New Years Eve!

Not The Usual Kegger

This past Saturday night I began what will hopefully become a new holiday tradition: the Maggie Holiday Party! I tried to make it a but classy, and I must say, I had no idea my friends could clean up so nice. Especially Jim with the sweater/collared shirt/tie combo. Nice!

The house looked gorgeous and the only thing that was sacrificed to the party gods was an everyday dinner plate. That I knocked over. Without realizing it. Although I swear Selvi was involved. *shakes fist* She's always out to get me!

My only complaint? My law school friends, whom I love to death, shut themselves into the den and didn't mingle at all. Except Caroline, but she drank a whole bottle of wine in like the first 10 minutes so it might have been subconscious socializing. It wouldn't have been a big deal that the lawyers didn't go talk to the other guests, except a lot of them (the other guests) mentioned they thought it was kind of rude and made them feel unwelcome. So I had to play the "I swear they are nice people!" role, which is of course a true statement, but whatcha gonna do. Despite this, everyone had a good time and ate all the food, thank god.

So people, one more year until my next classy par-tay. Until then, I promise to throw the typical low brow, beer swiggin, shindig we are all used to. But it's kind of nice to pretend we are all grown-up for one night out of the year.

Now if only Michale Buble would get his cute Canadian ass onto the Radio Music Awards I could go to bed happy. Damn you Canada!

PS: Goo Goo Dolls get the hell off my tv. You are so 1998.

Dude, Where's my House?

Don't you just love these dumb little quiz things? This one comes to you courtesy of

www.drawahouse.com

Here's what the house I designed said about me:

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:
Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are good at making friends and when the joyful moment arrives, you make the most out of it. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You are not a romantic person by nature. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

Ok, some hits, some misses. I wish I didn't think much about yourself, and tidy? I think not. Plus, I think I'm romantic! Fuck you drawahouse! But drawing the house on the website is fun! Whee!

So True

Your 2005 Song Is

Since You've Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson "But since you've been gone I can breathe for the first time I'm so moving on" In 2005, you moved on.

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

So true. No more school. Now, it's the real thing. And my New Year's Resolution?
NO MORE DRAMA.

Road Rules

This weekend marked a seminal event. Selvi's birthday! So us NOVA folk packed our bags and hit the road to celebrate in the most nerd-worthy fashion we could think of. Road trip to see Harry Potter on the IMAX, of course!

Saturday started off well. Chris, Kent, and Hehe all arrived. I (foolishly) volunteered to drive and we headed out of town. No traffic, thank the Lord. We then reached Richmond and grabbed the Selvster. Chris had made reservations in Williamsburg, since you know, it's cheap, and we checked into our sketchy yet affordable hotel around 6. Chris and I pretended to be a couple so they would think there were only two people staying in the room (in fact there were 5) and the equally sketchy and probably affordable twenty-something desk clerk chatted us up. And called me a trophy wife. Yay! And yet, hey! We dodged the time share salesman and quickly made it our room.

Then came the inevitable trip to mongolian. Best chinese food ever. Although, I now know way too much about everyone's bowels. It seemed every conversation we had this weekend was about someone bowels. Except for this one:

Selvi: Maggie, will you marry me?
Me: Hehe, how do you say, "Where's my ring cuntface" in Chinese?
Hehe: I don't know how to say "ring."
Selvi: (hysterical laughter)
Me: I'm putting that on my blog.
Selvi: You can't because I'm putting it on MY blog.
Me: Fine, then I'm putting THIS on my blog.

So take THAT Selvi! I'm the alpha female!

Us girls then made our way to the Green Leafe where we were hit on by the inevitable drunken sailors. Who ordered 7 martinis before getting kicked out. So we had free martinis! WOOHOO! Which would have been a lot better if any of us liked martinis *sob*

The next morning, we were Harry Potter bound. Which meant more driving, this time to Hampton. We were first in line (although we only got there 40 minutes early). This prompted one fellow movie-goer to inquire, "what time did you guys get here?" And we were all, whatever. We've only been here for 20 minutes. So fuck off.

Here's another conversational gem:

Me: Maybe we should go get our drinks now, before they open the doors.
Chris: But what if they open them as soon as we leave?
Me: The others will save us a spot though.
Chris: But I want a say in where we sit.
Me: Well, why don't you just...
Kent: This is Harry Potter people! GET IT TOGETHER!

Woah there Kent. I had no idea he was such a fan. Or maybe he was mocking us. Probably the later.

3 hours later, we emerged from the darkened six story theatre. Yo, that movie kicks so much ass. If you haven't seen it, go. It's the shit. And Dan Radcliffe is awesome. Dan, call me!

After the long drive home, I was pooped (ick, one more bowel joke!). But it was a weekend well spent. And of course, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SELVI!