Monday, November 28, 2005

Does This Make Me A Toys-R-Us Kid?

I officially have the emotional capabilities of a 12 year old. My first tip-off? I go to a party and talk to a guy. Am I interested? I dunno. But then I see him talking to some other chick. Oh, no he DIDN'T! Bitch, you better STEP OFF. See, I only like him when I see him talking to someone else. This = immature.

Another clue presented itself this morning at work. While writing up a decision for a case dealing with a low back disability I write the sentence, "the veteran experiences morning stiffness and exacerbation when coughing and sneezing." After writing "morning stiffness," I dissolve into giggles prompting co-workers to inquire after my sanity. See? But come on, "morning stiffness??" How's a girl supposed to let that go.

And finally, my Harry Potter addiction. Whenever the new movie comes out, I always go into this HP mode where I must rewatch all the other movies and read the books. I need help people. But not as much help as this person. But I can't deny it, Dan Radcliffe is turning into a hottie.

See??!? Emotional capacity of a 12 YEAR OLD!

Friday, November 18, 2005

Bitch Going Down!

Caroline and I have this ritual. Wednesday nights Veronica Mars is on UPN and I watch it at my Dad's. When I come home Caroline has left my multiple instant messages about the show and what happened. Then we fight for about 30 minutes over who gets to have Logan as her sex slave. Here is a sample:

(some helpful hints--Logan is Veronica's ex-boyfriend on the show played by Jason Dohring, Duncan is her current (not hot) boyfriend whom we call Donut, and Dean is a smokin guy on Supernatural played by Jensen Ackles-oh and Caroline gets scared of Supernatural so she blockes the tv with a pillow-what a pussy)

dissident1L: also, i am in love with jason dorhing
RedMomma3: I have been in lvoe with him since last year
dissident1L: oh, man.
dissident1L: yeah. caroline lurrrrrrves logan
RedMomma3: he is so hot
RedMomma3: and so funny
dissident1L: like, his muscles, in that dip-dyed shirt?
dissident1L: be still my heart.
dissident1L: and no pit stains!
RedMomma3: ok, yeah, but ugliest sweatshirt ever
dissident1L: but the muscles
RedMomma3: yeah he is ripped
RedMomma3: he just has HUGE upper arms
RedMomma3: it's awesome
dissident1L: YES. YES IT IS.
RedMomma3: I think he worked out over the summer
dissident1L: he totally did!
RedMomma3: they probably told him he would have towel scenes
dissident1L: i melt in the face of upper arms like his
dissident1L: once dated a drummer -- ruined me for everyone else.
dissident1L: ...but logan
dissident1L: HAHAH
dissident1L: MORE TOWEL!LOGAN!!
RedMomma3: and on SN too....shirtless JENSEN!
RedMomma3: OMG
dissident1L: haha
RedMomma3: shirtless Jensen and Logan together!!!
RedMomma3: (swoon)
dissident1L: see, harder to get behind that b/c ... can't watch the show
RedMomma3: yes, you can
RedMomma3: you must concentrate on the pretty
dissident1L: Pillow of Fear
dissident1L: not that hot
RedMomma3: I love the pillow of fear
RedMomma3: that was awesome
dissident1L: see, i can't focus on the pretty
RedMomma3: Moe even watched it
RedMomma3: if she can watch it, so can you
dissident1L: she is stronger than i
RedMomma3: she IMed me this evening
RedMomma3: she was like "omg I was so scared but Dean was so hot"
dissident1L: hahaha
dissident1L: see, this is the beauty of logan -- all the hottness, none of the fear
RedMomma3: whatever
RedMomma3: I hate to say it
RedMomma3: but I think Dean is hotter
RedMomma3: and more badass
RedMomma3: but Logan was my first true love
dissident1L: DUDE.
dissident1L: dean is all yours
dissident1L: i claim logan
dissident1L: even if he is a minor
dissident1L: he's emancipated!!
dissident1L: fair game!!
dissident1L: and... when did they get emancipated exactly?
RedMomma3: he is not a minor
RedMomma3: he's really married
RedMomma3: and I had him first
dissident1L: yeah. he has a kid.
RedMomma3: I get him and Dean
dissident1L: you've got dean!!
RedMomma3: you can have Donut
dissident1L: NO
dissident1L: LOGAN IS MINE
RedMomma3: whatever bitch
dissident1L: donut is gross
RedMomma3: I destroy you
dissident1L: you can have dean AND the other one
RedMomma3: pish
RedMomma3: more like talons
RedMomma3: ok, I am going to go to bed
dissident1L: I WILL END YOU
dissident1L: okay.
RedMomma3: we can continue this on Friday
dissident1L: sweet dreams!
dissident1L: HAHA
RedMomma3: bitch, I will leave you in the maze
dissident1L: or, tomorrow over e-mail
dissident1L: FEAR THE PILLOW
dissident1L: MWAH HAH HAH
RedMomma3: I own the pillow
RedMomma3: the pillow is my bitch!
dissident1L: yeah, but i own the pillow
dissident1L: the pillow is MINE
dissident1L: i got the trademark on that shit!!
RedMomma3: the original pillow of fear was all MINE
RedMomma3: in fact, I am looking at it right now
RedMomma3: oh, SNAP
dissident1L: your pillow was NOTHING. I made it the Pillow of FEAR
RedMomma3: your pussy attitude made it so
dissident1L: I CREATED IT
RedMomma3: Logan could never be with such a pussy
RedMomma3: he needs a real woman
dissident1L: ... do i have to even fill in that blank?
dissident1L: HAH
RedMomma3: I think I need to save this conversation
RedMomma3: it is too funny not to share
dissident1L: he needs someone to appreciate his biceps
dissident1L: HAHA

Sunday, November 13, 2005


I was in the devil's bookstore the other day (a.k.a Barnes and Noble) and I walked past one of the self-help display tables. And I had a thought ("a dangerous past-time, I know"). It was a book about relationships and how the lack of a poor father figure, blah blah bleepidy boo. Could my lack of a long-term relationship be due to the example of my parents who have been divorced since I was one year old?

Hmmm. Food for thought. After all, I didn't really had an example of a normal relationship in my formative years. Grandparents had been widowed, parents divorced, crazy Aunt married three times, etc. My Dad is now happily remarried, but let's face it, they are both weird. So how much stock should I put in the example set by my family with my current relationship woes?

I usually adhere to the philosophy that people make their own destinies. And I think while it is telling I haven't had a good example of a lasting couple in my youth, I can't help but say, so what? Screw that, I'm not going to let my parents' mistakes fuck me over. So what if I have trust issues? So what if I haven't had a relationship last longer than a few dates? WHATEVER psychobabble. If Tom Cruise thinks you are full of shit, that's good enough for me!

PS: Tom Cruise is also crazy and should not be trusted when making personal choices.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Associate Counsel's Checklist

Before going in to see my judge (and probably get told why I'm wrong regarding something), I find it useful to go through the following checklist:

1) Review case I am being called in about (so I don't give the typical Maggie blank look)

2) Zipper up

3) Hair not in face

4) Food not in teeth

5) Nose clean

6) Boobs not popping out

With this short checklist, any attorney can feel like a true professional. It leaves me free to focus on what I will be talking about and not worrying about how I look!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Hall-O-My God I'm a Real Lawyer!

This Halloween, in addition to the usual sugar buzz and hijinks, I had the (dubious) honor of being sworn in as a member of the Virginia State Bar. Wow. So, like, I'm legal and shit. If you get in trouble call me! *thumbs up sign*

The dream team, consisting of Josh, Will, Caroline, and myself, loaded up in the car and drove to Richmond on Monday morning. We then stood around for an hour. Then we sat for an hour and were talked to. And then we sat for another hour while they read the names of everyone being sworn in. EVERYONE. All 950 names. Imagine your high school graduation, the really boring part, and imagine it lasting forever. We played tic tac toe, hangman, even MASH (all the girls know that one). We then stood up and said "I do" after the clerk read the 30 second oath. Seriously, to quote Xander, "big orchestra, little show." And that was it!

We then all gathered at the Casa Riley for some Halloweeniness. I had just purchased the collector's edition of Evil Dead 2 (awesome!) and we passed out candy to all the little rugrats. Seriously though, a bunch of these kids would just stand there and hold out their plastic pumpkins with this expectant look. And I was like, "are you gonna say it?" and then they would mumble "trick-or-treat." You got to WORK for candy at my house, I'm not going to just give it out willy nilly. Especially not the kit kats. MINE!

Thankfully, there were no injuries even though we gave Will the knives to carve the pumpkin. And Caroline had already sliced her arm open the day before so the obligatory blood quotient for the holiday had been met. All in all a successful halloween. One of my favorite holidays. I never thought I would say it, but I am kinda chocolate-outed. So much sweet food! Impending sugar coma....ghargh....