Thursday, July 27, 2006

Professionalism: The Course

People think being a lawyer is all about protecting the little guy or, in the alternative, working for the The Man and earning large amounts of cash. But there is more to it than that! In order to ensure that their newly made lawyers are performing to the high quality expected from them, the Virginia State Bar requires all new attorneys participate in a day-long professionalism course that covers, you guessed it, being professional and ethical.

And let me assure you all, it was a complete and utter waste of time. We spent an entire day rehashing the same points I just absorbed through three years of law school. Don’t lie to the judge, check. Don’t use profanity when speaking to support staff, check. Follow the appropriate steps when you have a conflict of interest with a case, check. Overall, the class was boring and not useful.

There was an upside though! I got to hone bourgeoning poetry talent, and craft some haikus. So for your reading enjoyment, I present my first set of haikus. Lovingly dedicated to those who made yesterday’s program possible.

I have good ethics
So why am I here?
So cold

No more speeches please
Why can’t you all just stop talking
Ears hurt

Why do I sit here
All alone and professional
Nap please

I am the most
When left to my own device

And my favorite:

Why do I hate you?
Perhaps because you talk so much
Shut up

Professionalism Quote of the Day: “Don’t be a jerk.” The Honorable M. Longhorne Keith

Currently Reading: “On a Pale Horse” by Piers Anthony

Currently Watching: “Farscape” Season 2. Slowly but surely making my way through the series.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Alpacas For Everyone!

I know this was posted on Cute Overload about a thousand years ago, but I find it so awesome, that I have to mention it here. Plus, I just made the picture my desktop at work and it makes me smile every time I see it.

This kid (Rory) lives in Australia where there aren’t a lot of other kids, I think his parents are farmers or something. But Rory looooves to play football, and it’s hard when you don’t have any other kids to play with. So Rory’s Mom (who is obvy a freakin genius), enlisted the aid of the family border collie and alpaca. So now the kid, the dog, and the alpaca all play football together.

How awesome is that? I think, right at this moment, if I could have anything in the world, I would get a football playing alpaca. They need to make a movie about this. In your face Air Bud!

Mom’s Quote of the Day: “In the space of time it took this meat to defrost, it has morphed from chicken into pork. So I hope you like pork.”

Doctor Who Quote of the Day “Victory…..should be naked.”

Monday, July 10, 2006

The Hell?

Last week, Caroline, Moe, and I headed out to the wilds of Manassas to see Kelly Clarkson at Nissan Pavillion. And I am ok admitting that to you, Kelly Clarkson rocks out and has (I think) managed to earn enough street cred to escape her American Idol beginnings. But the point of this post is not to discuss Kelly.

The point is to comment on the latest shoe trend: the croc. Let me just say, I cannot think of an uglier shoe. I would rather see Sienna Miller scampering about in a denim mini, leggings, and Ugg boots than have to see another 14 year old or soccer mom running around in crocs. Crocs not infiltrated your corner of suburbia yet? Not to worry, they will soon. Gaze upon the hideousness:

And the orange is not even the worst color I have seen. The lime green (the most popular color in DC) is what really frightens me. Now, my biggest problem with these shoes is not that they are ugly. And they are. But it's that people who buy them go on and on about how comfortable they are, but let's be honest folks. The things are made from plastic. And you can put however many little cut-outs along the side as you want, you are still sticking your foot into a plastic cave where it will live and sweat all day. Meaning your shoes and your feet are going to be N-A-S-T-Y.

Feet need to breathe! Feet need air! Especially in the DC swamp in the summer! Save your feet, do not give in to the temptation to buy ugly plastic shoes that make your feet sweat and were probably assembled my orphan children in Korea!


For more information, visit the shoe blog run by The Manolo. He is all knowing.

Currently Wearing: Brown thong sandels by Kenneth Cole. No crocs for me, bitches!

Sunday, July 09, 2006

In this corner, Captain Jack. In that Jack

This weekend I traveled to Charlottesville to visit Selvi, she of the First Big Job and Post School Life. Selvi has joined the ranks of us fellow rat-racers and is currently working as a genetic counselor at her first “real” job. Go Selvi!

As the dutiful friend that I am, I braved central Virginia to visit the Selvster. And this weekend will forever be known as the weekend of Captain Jacks. I had taped the first 8 episodes of the Doctor Who marathon on SciFi this week so I could share with Selvi, but when we settled in to watch on Friday night, the sound quality on the tape was terrible.

(Aside: yes, I realize there is pretty much nothing dorkier than Doctor Who. But I believe we have sufficiently covered the topic that I am a big nerd and the show is the shit. So shut it. For further details, see my tv blog, TV Sluts)

Getting back to our story, the sound quality was the suck, so we set out to scour Charlottesville video stores for the DVD that was released last week. The first, oh let’s say, three places I called and asked had no idea what I was asking about and also had it checked out. Poop. Then what do we pass but the beautiful glowing yellow Best Buy sign. Somehow I had always known it was going to come to this. 5 minutes later I purchased Doctor Who Series 1 on DVD for the bargain price of $65. TOTALLY worth it.

Around, 4:30 in the morning Selvi and I decided to turn after watching 10 episodes and becoming drooling teenyboppers for the Doctor and Captain Jack (that's him in the WWII era coat in the pic).

We finished the last 3 episodes the next afternoon before tackling the nefarious greens at Putt Putt golf. It had these huge plastic zoo animals scattered about, and I swear, the giraffe was leering at me. Do not turn your back on the giraffe!
Saturday evening Selvi and I went to the Carmike Cinemas (and I thought I had escaped Carmike forever) and saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2. And I gotta say, how disappointing. The film had become a parody of itself, Johnny Depp was doing an impression of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack, and the only person to totally rock out was Jack Davenport as Commodore Norrington. HOTT. I totally would have chosen him over lame Will Turner any day of the week. Oh, and Bill Nighy as Davy Jones was pretty badass. But other than that: meh. Seriously. Once again, Hollywood has produced a sequel that was lame and unsurprising.

So, Captain Jack from Doctor Who wins hands down against Captain Jack Sparrow. Actually, come to think about it, Captain Jack would probably kick Captain Jack’s ass, and then they would end up sleeping with each other. Did I mention Selvi and I also watched Brokeback Mountain? What a gay weekend! And by gay I mean fun and fancy free.

Currently Watching: Farscape Season 1 (courtesy of Dorilyn)

Currently Reading: King Dork by Frank Portman (no, it's not an autobiography. Bitches. But it is an awesome book).