Tuesday, December 27, 2005

All I Want for Christmas is Veronica Mars

Y'all know I am a level-headed person. Ok, so maybe level-headed is not the best word to describe me...how about occasionally prone to rational thought? Anyhoo, call me crazy, but all I wanted this holiday was Veronica Mars Season 1 on DVD. AND I GOT IT.

As Linus pointed out, the true meaning of Christmas is remembering the birth of Jesus Christ. BOOOORING. The true meaning of Christmas is seeing family, reconnecting with friends, and getting loot. Not that I am materialistic. To quote Mr. Bill, "oooh noooo." But since I am so poor, I am dependent on the holidays to get me all the shit I can't afford myself. Those true necessities like the Dooney and Burke bag my mom gave me (!!!!). And Veronica Mars.

Because it really is the best show ever. EVER. Unfortunately, not that many people are watching it. It's on a semi-network (UPN) and so a lot of people discount it. But it's not too late! Season 1 is on DVD. So get it, watch it, and then the show will get picked up for more seasons and my future happiness will be assured.

But I must have other amusing stories about the holidays, right? Let's see...my brother Bill threw out his back lifting my Dad's 80 lb. christmas gift (it was a sander). Men. My mom has been walking on air since both her children have returned to the nest. My Dad feels bad about the sander incident and has been *gulp* nice since my brother got back.

Although I have to admit, my thoughts have been with my friends who have even more dysfunctional families. Stay strong you guys! This too shall pass.

Now if I can only make it to New Years! See my previous post....

PS: I think my use of caps in these posts is getting out of hand. I may need an intervention.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Holy Panda, Batman!

Guess who just scored two tickets to go see the baby Panda at the National Zoo?? ME THAT'S WHO. Yes, ladies and gents, Caroline and I will be lining up to see the bouncing baby bear cub on January 25 at 12:40pm.

In related news: did you know that pandas aren't actually bears at all? They are members of the marsupial family, like koala bears. How interesting.


Tuesday, December 20, 2005

5, 4, 3, oh who the fuck cares?

So. New Years is approaching. I gotta admit, I'm not a big New Years fan. Why you may ask?

1) It's always a letdown. You prep all night for this one moment and then it comes and is gone and it's just like every other moment! Lame.

2) I feel old. In the words of Dumbledore, "Another year....gone." I don't feel old on my birthdays, but I tend to get a wee bit depressed on New Years. I never feel like I have accomplished anything the previous year, and it always seems like the coming year will be more of the same.

3) Forced drinking and making out. Neither of which I am opposed to. But there's all this pressure on New Years to get wasted and kiss someone! And then if you don't do either of those two, it's like you failed. Stop pressuring me Dick Clark! STOP IT I SAY!

I am looking forward to going to Keith and Virginia's on New Years Eve and seeing all my law school peeps. But, I'll have to try to not be blue. I get the New Years Eve blues! In fact, this will be what I look like:

Seriously, how awesome is that picture? You can find the cutest pictures known to man at www.cuteoverload.com

Don't believe me? Try this one on for size:

OMG I think I will fall out of my chair and die from cuteness. I feel better already! Bring it on New Years Eve!

Monday, December 19, 2005

Not The Usual Kegger

This past Saturday night I began what will hopefully become a new holiday tradition: the Maggie Holiday Party! I tried to make it a but classy, and I must say, I had no idea my friends could clean up so nice. Especially Jim with the sweater/collared shirt/tie combo. Nice!

The house looked gorgeous and the only thing that was sacrificed to the party gods was an everyday dinner plate. That I knocked over. Without realizing it. Although I swear Selvi was involved. *shakes fist* She's always out to get me!

My only complaint? My law school friends, whom I love to death, shut themselves into the den and didn't mingle at all. Except Caroline, but she drank a whole bottle of wine in like the first 10 minutes so it might have been subconscious socializing. It wouldn't have been a big deal that the lawyers didn't go talk to the other guests, except a lot of them (the other guests) mentioned they thought it was kind of rude and made them feel unwelcome. So I had to play the "I swear they are nice people!" role, which is of course a true statement, but whatcha gonna do. Despite this, everyone had a good time and ate all the food, thank god.

So people, one more year until my next classy par-tay. Until then, I promise to throw the typical low brow, beer swiggin, shindig we are all used to. But it's kind of nice to pretend we are all grown-up for one night out of the year.

Now if only Michale Buble would get his cute Canadian ass onto the Radio Music Awards I could go to bed happy. Damn you Canada!

PS: Goo Goo Dolls get the hell off my tv. You are so 1998.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Dude, Where's my House?

Don't you just love these dumb little quiz things? This one comes to you courtesy of


Here's what the house I designed said about me:

Based on your drawing and the 10 answers you gave this is a summary of your personality:
Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are good at making friends and when the joyful moment arrives, you make the most out of it. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You are not a romantic person by nature. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

Ok, some hits, some misses. I wish I didn't think much about yourself, and tidy? I think not. Plus, I think I'm romantic! Fuck you drawahouse! But drawing the house on the website is fun! Whee!

Saturday, December 10, 2005

So True

Your 2005 Song Is

Since You've Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson

"But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on"

In 2005, you moved on.

So true. No more school. Now, it's the real thing. And my New Year's Resolution?

Monday, December 05, 2005

Road Rules

This weekend marked a seminal event. Selvi's birthday! So us NOVA folk packed our bags and hit the road to celebrate in the most nerd-worthy fashion we could think of. Road trip to see Harry Potter on the IMAX, of course!

Saturday started off well. Chris, Kent, and Hehe all arrived. I (foolishly) volunteered to drive and we headed out of town. No traffic, thank the Lord. We then reached Richmond and grabbed the Selvster. Chris had made reservations in Williamsburg, since you know, it's cheap, and we checked into our sketchy yet affordable hotel around 6. Chris and I pretended to be a couple so they would think there were only two people staying in the room (in fact there were 5) and the equally sketchy and probably affordable twenty-something desk clerk chatted us up. And called me a trophy wife. Yay! And yet, hey! We dodged the time share salesman and quickly made it our room.

Then came the inevitable trip to mongolian. Best chinese food ever. Although, I now know way too much about everyone's bowels. It seemed every conversation we had this weekend was about someone bowels. Except for this one:

Selvi: Maggie, will you marry me?
Me: Hehe, how do you say, "Where's my ring cuntface" in Chinese?
Hehe: I don't know how to say "ring."
Selvi: (hysterical laughter)
Me: I'm putting that on my blog.
Selvi: You can't because I'm putting it on MY blog.
Me: Fine, then I'm putting THIS on my blog.

So take THAT Selvi! I'm the alpha female!

Us girls then made our way to the Green Leafe where we were hit on by the inevitable drunken sailors. Who ordered 7 martinis before getting kicked out. So we had free martinis! WOOHOO! Which would have been a lot better if any of us liked martinis *sob*

The next morning, we were Harry Potter bound. Which meant more driving, this time to Hampton. We were first in line (although we only got there 40 minutes early). This prompted one fellow movie-goer to inquire, "what time did you guys get here?" And we were all, whatever. We've only been here for 20 minutes. So fuck off.

Here's another conversational gem:

Me: Maybe we should go get our drinks now, before they open the doors.
Chris: But what if they open them as soon as we leave?
Me: The others will save us a spot though.
Chris: But I want a say in where we sit.
Me: Well, why don't you just...
Kent: This is Harry Potter people! GET IT TOGETHER!

Woah there Kent. I had no idea he was such a fan. Or maybe he was mocking us. Probably the later.

3 hours later, we emerged from the darkened six story theatre. Yo, that movie kicks so much ass. If you haven't seen it, go. It's the shit. And Dan Radcliffe is awesome. Dan, call me!

After the long drive home, I was pooped (ick, one more bowel joke!). But it was a weekend well spent. And of course, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SELVI!

Monday, November 28, 2005

Does This Make Me A Toys-R-Us Kid?

I officially have the emotional capabilities of a 12 year old. My first tip-off? I go to a party and talk to a guy. Am I interested? I dunno. But then I see him talking to some other chick. Oh, no he DIDN'T! Bitch, you better STEP OFF. See, I only like him when I see him talking to someone else. This = immature.

Another clue presented itself this morning at work. While writing up a decision for a case dealing with a low back disability I write the sentence, "the veteran experiences morning stiffness and exacerbation when coughing and sneezing." After writing "morning stiffness," I dissolve into giggles prompting co-workers to inquire after my sanity. See? But come on, "morning stiffness??" How's a girl supposed to let that go.

And finally, my Harry Potter addiction. Whenever the new movie comes out, I always go into this HP mode where I must rewatch all the other movies and read the books. I need help people. But not as much help as this person. But I can't deny it, Dan Radcliffe is turning into a hottie.

See??!? Emotional capacity of a 12 YEAR OLD!

Friday, November 18, 2005

Bitch Going Down!

Caroline and I have this ritual. Wednesday nights Veronica Mars is on UPN and I watch it at my Dad's. When I come home Caroline has left my multiple instant messages about the show and what happened. Then we fight for about 30 minutes over who gets to have Logan as her sex slave. Here is a sample:

(some helpful hints--Logan is Veronica's ex-boyfriend on the show played by Jason Dohring, Duncan is her current (not hot) boyfriend whom we call Donut, and Dean is a smokin guy on Supernatural played by Jensen Ackles-oh and Caroline gets scared of Supernatural so she blockes the tv with a pillow-what a pussy)

dissident1L: also, i am in love with jason dorhing
RedMomma3: I have been in lvoe with him since last year
dissident1L: oh, man.
dissident1L: yeah. caroline lurrrrrrves logan
RedMomma3: he is so hot
RedMomma3: and so funny
dissident1L: like, his muscles, in that dip-dyed shirt?
dissident1L: be still my heart.
dissident1L: and no pit stains!
RedMomma3: ok, yeah, but ugliest sweatshirt ever
dissident1L: but the muscles
RedMomma3: yeah he is ripped
RedMomma3: he just has HUGE upper arms
RedMomma3: it's awesome
dissident1L: YES. YES IT IS.
RedMomma3: I think he worked out over the summer
dissident1L: he totally did!
RedMomma3: they probably told him he would have towel scenes
dissident1L: i melt in the face of upper arms like his
dissident1L: once dated a drummer -- ruined me for everyone else.
dissident1L: ...but logan
dissident1L: HAHAH
dissident1L: MORE TOWEL!LOGAN!!
RedMomma3: and on SN too....shirtless JENSEN!
RedMomma3: OMG
dissident1L: haha
RedMomma3: shirtless Jensen and Logan together!!!
RedMomma3: (swoon)
dissident1L: see, harder to get behind that b/c ... can't watch the show
RedMomma3: yes, you can
RedMomma3: you must concentrate on the pretty
dissident1L: Pillow of Fear
dissident1L: not that hot
RedMomma3: I love the pillow of fear
RedMomma3: that was awesome
dissident1L: see, i can't focus on the pretty
RedMomma3: Moe even watched it
RedMomma3: if she can watch it, so can you
dissident1L: she is stronger than i
RedMomma3: she IMed me this evening
RedMomma3: she was like "omg I was so scared but Dean was so hot"
dissident1L: hahaha
dissident1L: see, this is the beauty of logan -- all the hottness, none of the fear
RedMomma3: whatever
RedMomma3: I hate to say it
RedMomma3: but I think Dean is hotter
RedMomma3: and more badass
RedMomma3: but Logan was my first true love
dissident1L: DUDE.
dissident1L: dean is all yours
dissident1L: i claim logan
dissident1L: even if he is a minor
dissident1L: he's emancipated!!
dissident1L: fair game!!
dissident1L: and... when did they get emancipated exactly?
RedMomma3: he is not a minor
RedMomma3: he's really married
RedMomma3: and I had him first
dissident1L: yeah. he has a kid.
RedMomma3: I get him and Dean
dissident1L: you've got dean!!
RedMomma3: you can have Donut
dissident1L: NO
dissident1L: LOGAN IS MINE
RedMomma3: whatever bitch
dissident1L: donut is gross
RedMomma3: I destroy you
dissident1L: you can have dean AND the other one
RedMomma3: pish
RedMomma3: more like talons
RedMomma3: ok, I am going to go to bed
dissident1L: I WILL END YOU
dissident1L: okay.
RedMomma3: we can continue this on Friday
dissident1L: sweet dreams!
dissident1L: HAHA
RedMomma3: bitch, I will leave you in the maze
dissident1L: or, tomorrow over e-mail
dissident1L: FEAR THE PILLOW
dissident1L: MWAH HAH HAH
RedMomma3: I own the pillow
RedMomma3: the pillow is my bitch!
dissident1L: yeah, but i own the pillow
dissident1L: the pillow is MINE
dissident1L: i got the trademark on that shit!!
RedMomma3: the original pillow of fear was all MINE
RedMomma3: in fact, I am looking at it right now
RedMomma3: oh, SNAP
dissident1L: your pillow was NOTHING. I made it the Pillow of FEAR
RedMomma3: your pussy attitude made it so
dissident1L: I CREATED IT
RedMomma3: Logan could never be with such a pussy
RedMomma3: he needs a real woman
dissident1L: ... do i have to even fill in that blank?
dissident1L: HAH
RedMomma3: I think I need to save this conversation
RedMomma3: it is too funny not to share
dissident1L: he needs someone to appreciate his biceps
dissident1L: HAHA

Sunday, November 13, 2005


I was in the devil's bookstore the other day (a.k.a Barnes and Noble) and I walked past one of the self-help display tables. And I had a thought ("a dangerous past-time, I know"). It was a book about relationships and how the lack of a poor father figure, blah blah bleepidy boo. Could my lack of a long-term relationship be due to the example of my parents who have been divorced since I was one year old?

Hmmm. Food for thought. After all, I didn't really had an example of a normal relationship in my formative years. Grandparents had been widowed, parents divorced, crazy Aunt married three times, etc. My Dad is now happily remarried, but let's face it, they are both weird. So how much stock should I put in the example set by my family with my current relationship woes?

I usually adhere to the philosophy that people make their own destinies. And I think while it is telling I haven't had a good example of a lasting couple in my youth, I can't help but say, so what? Screw that, I'm not going to let my parents' mistakes fuck me over. So what if I have trust issues? So what if I haven't had a relationship last longer than a few dates? WHATEVER psychobabble. If Tom Cruise thinks you are full of shit, that's good enough for me!

PS: Tom Cruise is also crazy and should not be trusted when making personal choices.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Associate Counsel's Checklist

Before going in to see my judge (and probably get told why I'm wrong regarding something), I find it useful to go through the following checklist:

1) Review case I am being called in about (so I don't give the typical Maggie blank look)

2) Zipper up

3) Hair not in face

4) Food not in teeth

5) Nose clean

6) Boobs not popping out

With this short checklist, any attorney can feel like a true professional. It leaves me free to focus on what I will be talking about and not worrying about how I look!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Hall-O-My God I'm a Real Lawyer!

This Halloween, in addition to the usual sugar buzz and hijinks, I had the (dubious) honor of being sworn in as a member of the Virginia State Bar. Wow. So, like, I'm legal and shit. If you get in trouble call me! *thumbs up sign*

The dream team, consisting of Josh, Will, Caroline, and myself, loaded up in the car and drove to Richmond on Monday morning. We then stood around for an hour. Then we sat for an hour and were talked to. And then we sat for another hour while they read the names of everyone being sworn in. EVERYONE. All 950 names. Imagine your high school graduation, the really boring part, and imagine it lasting forever. We played tic tac toe, hangman, even MASH (all the girls know that one). We then stood up and said "I do" after the clerk read the 30 second oath. Seriously, to quote Xander, "big orchestra, little show." And that was it!

We then all gathered at the Casa Riley for some Halloweeniness. I had just purchased the collector's edition of Evil Dead 2 (awesome!) and we passed out candy to all the little rugrats. Seriously though, a bunch of these kids would just stand there and hold out their plastic pumpkins with this expectant look. And I was like, "are you gonna say it?" and then they would mumble "trick-or-treat." You got to WORK for candy at my house, I'm not going to just give it out willy nilly. Especially not the kit kats. MINE!

Thankfully, there were no injuries even though we gave Will the knives to carve the pumpkin. And Caroline had already sliced her arm open the day before so the obligatory blood quotient for the holiday had been met. All in all a successful halloween. One of my favorite holidays. I never thought I would say it, but I am kinda chocolate-outed. So much sweet food! Impending sugar coma....ghargh....

Friday, October 28, 2005

Celebrity Sightings of the "Boston Public" Kind

I'm sitting in the Corner Bakery on 15th Street with my co-workers, enjoying a delicious chicken ceasar salad, when my eyes wander the room. A few tables over a man is standing up and putting on his coat. I do a doubletake. Hey, it's that guy! You know, the one from that tv show Boston Public, the one who played one of the nerdy fanboys for Rosie O'Donnell in A League of Their Own, and one of the guy who bit the big one in Hollow Man (god bless Kevin Bacon). I didn't know the Hey! It's that guy's name...but a short trip to IMDB supplied it: Joey Slotnick. Don't know who I mean? Here's a pic:

Yes, ladies and gents, I spotted a movie star. Not a big movie star, but a movie star nonetheless. Now if I can just catch a glimpse of Nicole Kidman, who is currently starring in a movie called The Visiting set here in DC. I think I will tell her to eat a sandwich. Girl is looking ROUGH!

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Homecoming Hijinks

While it has only been six months since my departure from Williamsburg, I felt a burning urge to return. And that's not just the herpes talking. HAHA. (awkward silence) Ahem. Anyway...I actually really wanted to swing a four day workweek and I figured Homecoming was as good a reason as any.

So I took the day off on Friday and headed down to the Burg. I went to the band concert, oh excuse me, the WIND SYMPHONY concert. The band sounded good, got to see some old school peeps, and got to flirt with the new cute jew-boy conductor. Ruh-roh!

Selvster and I then headed over to karaoke at the Ho House where I performed a stunning rendition of Lady Marmalade. But the real coup was getting Mike Zuk and Andrew Gordon up there to sing American Pie. For rock stars, they sure are giant pussies.

On Saturday I headed to Norfolk (we don't drink, we don't smoke, nor fuck nor fuck!) to see JR! Wheeee JR! We have been friends since freshman year. It was so weird. He looked at me, I looked at him and he said, "Margaret, I'm a financial advisor and you're a lawyer. When did that happen?" I am right there with you dude. Time flies. When did I get old? Whatever...I am still awesome.

Saturday night was less successful. I hung out with high-school friend Adam and I have a feeling things there are fizzling out. When he asked me "so why did you call me?" I think the gloss is off the relationship. I am turning over a new leaf...I can no longer put forth all the effort to keep in touch with people. I am too tired and have too many things to worry about to handle other people's lame shit. Seriously. Those of who whom I stay in touch with know who you are. Others...you know my number so freakin call it sometime. I cannot. do. everything.

And I am sick of users. You know, people who only talk to you when they need something. Grow up and get over yourself.

Oh, yeah Homecoming. I forgot. Sunday was great because I got to have brunch with Beth and go to the outlet mall. Yay! Big Apple Bagel, how I missed you.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

You Can Never Go Back

I realize I have only been out of school for 6 months. But you must realize I spent 7 years there (undergrad + law school) so I have a couple ties to good old Williamsburg. Therefore, this weekend, I embark on the adult rite of passage known as: HOMECOMING.

No, I will not be attending the football game. I went to a football game at my high school last weekend and that was weird enough. Seriously, Josh and Caroline are the most awesome people ever for going with me. So I will not be attending the football game, but I will attend the band concert (yes, I am that much of a nerd), and I will go boozing at the local watering holes.

But the best part of homecoming?? Seeing my friends again! I was just informed last night Carl would be coming back (squeeee!), I am driving to VA Beach to see J.R. on Saturday, and of course the bridge peeps Beth, Selvi, and (maybe) Pete. And my fav piano player Mr. Gordon.

So yay for seeing old friends again, braggin about passing the bar and finding a job, and thanking GOD I never have to give William and Mary more money. Although I might pay that 10 dollar IT bill. I'm thinking about it.

So maybe you can't go back, but who really wants to? They may have been glory days, but they aren't THE glory days. There will be more to come. Sometimes it's just nice to go back and reminisce. And then come home and not have to worry about having quarters for the laundry machine. Quarters are strictly for downtown parking now. Does this make me an adult?

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Captain, There Be Pandas Here!

Good God. Why am I obsessed with this panda cub!?? I check the panda cam (yes, there is a panda cam) about 4 times a day. And you know what? That damn panda is always curled up in a little ball of cuteness and sleeping. That's the life. Of course, I wouldn't want to curl up in a den covered with my own feces like I am sure he does, but you get my drift.

And then I find out from Caroline the San Diego Zoo just had a baby panda too. Apparently, they found out their female giant panda was preggers the same week our panda was born. Whatever San Diego. Our panda is so much cuter. In fact, our panda could kick you panda's ASS.

Friday, October 14, 2005

And Now For Something Completely Different...

Meaning my posts will be much more light-hearted! Everything I was stressing over has come and gone, and there is nothing but clear skies ahead.

To Do List

Get job: check

Start job: check

Pass Bar: check


As part of my new outlook, I have decided to include in my blog things that make me happy. My newest obsession? Looking at the pics of the new baby panda at the National Zoo. For example:

And this one:

Cutest. Thing. Ever.

You might also want to check out this site: www.beedogs.com

What's better than dogs dressed in bee outfits? NOTHING.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Dude, I Totally Passed the Bar!

Finally, after all those months of anticipation the moment of truth has come. I passed the bar! I am not a complete waste of space after all. And the best part, all my friends passed too! Now there will be no Un!Comfortable! moments followed by the inevitable awkward.

Here's a quick recap of the day's events:

Last night 10:55pm: Turn off my light and "try" to sleep. Stomach starts churning and I resist the urge to puke. How the hell am I going to sleep? Eventually exaustion wins out and I'm out.

2:00am: I dream of scrolling down the online list of who passes and find my name is not there. Noooooooo!

3:47am: I wake up with a start. My heart is beating like it could break my chest (yes, that was a Spike shout-out). I look at the clock and wonder how I am going to get back to sleep. Again, exaustion wins out.

5:55am: My alarm clock goes off and (again) wake with a start. D day is here!

5:57am: I check the Virginia Board of Bar Examiners website in the vain hope something has been posted. Nope.

8:00am: Arrive at work and check the website, no luck.

8:01am-12:00pm. Check the website every 20-30 minutes. No dice. At this point I am very nervous, nah, I am TOTALLY WIGGING OUT.

12:25pm: I break out in an itchy rash. Lovely.

1:22pm: On my way to drop a case off for the judge I check the website one more time. Holy shit, the results are up! OMG...my pulse starts racing, I frantically scroll down to the Rs...where is my name?? THERE IT IS, I PASSED!!!!!

1:23pm: Call everyone I know and tell them. Followed by running around the office telling everyone I see. They don't seem too thrilled, clearly, they took the Maryland Bar which everyone knows is easier. Slackers.

5:30pm: Get home. Mom bought me cookies!!

7:30: I go to Moe's house to drink champagne, eat chinese food, and congratulate my fellow test takers. Yay for us!

And that draws to an end what could have been one of the crappiest days in my life. Instead, it was one of the best. All that hard work paid off!!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

New Kid in Town

So now all the worrying can come to an end, because the new job has officially begun! And, once again, it is one of those circumstances where I wonder why I was so wigged out and I know everything will turn out fine. At least this is my positive attitude for the next 5 days until the Virginia bar exam results are released. YEEEEE!

So here I am at my new job at the Department of Veteran's Affairs, the Board of Appeals. What is it I do? Well, thank you for asking. Here is the official breakdown of what in the hell are they paying me for?

Imagine you are a veteran. Even though you are a total pussy and would never be in combat, just for the sake of argument, you're a veteran. And say 20 years after service you develop a condition, an injury, or some disease that you think might be related to service. So you apply through you regional office for benefits from the injury. The VA (Veteran's Affairs) will give benefits if a condition is service related or if it's a pre-existing condition that is aggravated by service. If there is no proof of an injury incurred during service or it was not aggravated the Regional Office will deny the benefits. The veteran can then appeal the decision to me. I review the claim file (inlcuding all medical records) all over again and make a new determination. I work for one of the VA judges, so after I make a determination and write up a decision, my judge will either sign off or kick it back for changes. So that's what I do!

I share an office with four other people, but it's huge and we each have our own cubicles which are large and have walls high enough that you can't see over them. I think I need a plant. And I need to bring in some pics. Make it more homey. It's weird because this is the first office space I have had which is going to last longer than a summer. It's like...a permanent thing now. Yikes, fear of commitment kicking in! I have a fear of commitment of my cubicle. Man, I am so messed up.

So, yay for my new job! I get my first paycheck in two weeks. Then it will really be time to celebrate. Too bad I have to pay off that credit card, pay off my student loans and save up for a condo.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

The Chronicles of a Freaked Out Person

They say in the Springtime a young man's mind turns to thoughts of love...so I guess in the Falltime a young woman's mind turns to thoughts of love. It makes sense I guess. Fall for me means a time of harvesting, nesting, baking pies (yum pie!), wrapping yourself in toasty layers, etc. Maybe it's the nesting instinct, or maybe it's because this is the first time I haven't had school hanging over me, but my mind has definitely turned to thoughts of love.

Or more specifically, the lack thereof. I mean, come on people. I see some ugly people out there who have gotten married. And not just ugly on the outside, but ugly on the inside. There are mean people who are happily married. And yet, I'm not totally heinous and I think I am kinda fun, so what the fuck? Can a girl get some snuggles??

ANYWAYS, I had another weird anxiety dream last night. This one I had to walk across a broken mirror and then I was picking huge shards of glass out of my foot bottoms ala Bruce Willis in Die Hard. My subconscious is so. fucked. up. According to a dream dictionary :

To see your own feet in your dream, symbolizes your foundation, stability and sense of understanding. To see broken glass in your dream, signifies a change in your life.

I guess this makes sense. A new job = shaken foundations and change. But EW! Could my subconscious please learn to express itself in a less scary and gross manner? Seriously dude. Because it appears not only am I horny, but also have a sicko subconscious. Thanks a bunch brain.

Monday, September 26, 2005

The Nightmare Before...My New Job??

I have always been a big dreamer. I'm not referring to gazing across mountains and wanting a better life kind of dreams ("the hills are alive blah blah blah", "I want adventure in the great wide yadda yadda yadda"), but I mean actual sleeping and having dreams. Almost every night the strangest short films flicker across my synapses, but lately they have been majorly. Fucked. Up.

So it all started about 6 months ago. About a year ago I went out with Andrew and the boyz to see Dawn of the Dead. Now, I love horror movies. I get creeped out in the theatre and maybe for a while at home, but there is no long lasting trauma. Except for that time I saw "IT" when I was like 10, but moving on. Then 6 months AFTER seeing the DotD I have a nightmare about zombies. Running from zombies. Hiding from zombies. Kicking zombie ass. And eventually getting eaten to death. Gross and scary. But we are talking serious nightmare, the kind I haven't had since I was 10 (see above re: IT). I awoke at 5:00 in the a.m. in a cold sweat and couldn't fall back asleep. And then next night I was I was still wigged. And the next night. And I haven't seen a zombie movie since. Except for two weeks ago when Jay and Josh talked me into Resident Evil 2 which wasn't really about zombies anyway.

So I figured it was just an anomaly. But then two nights ago I had ANOTHER nightmare. This one was about a shark. I don't swim in anything I can't see the bottom of, but I have no fear of sharks. UNTIL NOW. So in the dream, I'm rowing a canoe in a canoe caravan. Except we are rowing the canoes underwater (hey, it's a dream ok?) and all of a sudden the dude in the canoe ahead of me vanishes. Through the murky water, I see the shape of a HUGE shark. A shark that would eat Jaws for breakfast (are sharks cannibals?). So then I go apeshit and turn the canoe around and hit the surface. I turn around and look behind me and this other dude is swimming as fast as he can to get to the surface and the shark is coming up behind him and oh my god swim faster dude because this shark is going to eat your ass and then...the shark bites him from behind, drags him down into the depths, and the force of the jaws is so strong the dude's limbs and his FACE...fly...off. This was a graphic dream people. So in the dream I start screaming and screaming and then I wake up. And I am scared to go back to sleep because the shark might get me. In my bed. Where there is no water.

Now, why these nightmares? I think these are classic anxiety dreams. When paired with the dream I had a few weeks ago where I left for my new job but went the wrong way and could not find the Metro station, I think it's pretty clear what's going on. The zombie dream was right in the middle of looking for a job, and the shark and the driving dream are when I am on the verge of actually starting my job. But when I am awake I don't feel that much anxiety about it. I mean, yeah, I'm nervous. But it's right by the place I worked last summer and it's not like I wasn't in school for 3 years preparing to be a lawyer. So maybe my subconscious is a lot more freaked than my conscious.

So it would seem I am really nervous about my new job even though I didn't know it. Why can't my anxiety take the form of really sexy dreams? Stupid subconscious.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I Love Ya, Tomorrow

Do you ever feel like everything important in life is going to happen in the near future? Like your planner is full of entries, but all starting next week. That's how I feel right now. Everything I am looking forward to is sometime in the future. My "real" job at Veteran's Affairs, Serenity opening (shut it, you knew I was a geek when you signed on to read this thing), going back to WM for homecoming in a few weeks, the holidays, seeing Spamalot again...it's all happening sometime other than NOW.

In fact, I often feel like nothing is happening right NOW. We're supposed to live in the now, but how can I do that when it's so damn boring? I sit at my desk and wait for the clock to hit 4:30 and then I go home and sit on my butt. It occurs to me I need some more hobbies. Or more friends. Or just better friends (seriously, did all your phones stop working or something?). I need to stop cramming life into the weekends, that just makes the "week" part of the week all the more depressing.

So, is there a new leaf to turn over in my future? Again with the future thing. I guess if I want to switch things around I should do it now. But then there's this laziness to combat. I just don't want to expend any effort. But y'all can relate to that, right?

A wise man once said (or maybe it was Greenday) "Wake me up...when September ends."

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Always a Bridesmaid...

Time for some hilarious wedding stories. This past weekend was Jennifer's wedding in lovely downtown Fredericksburg, Virginia. She will now be referred to as "Jennifer L. Herbek." Although calling her that might confuse her. I'm gonna go with "old ball and chain" for the next few weeks.

I arrived at the Caltabiano (Jen's folks) home on Friday afternoon. And then I watched Jen pack, answer the phone, and stress out her Mom. Everything was going fine up until when Selvi entered from stage left. Or should I say when we had to go carry her on from stage left.

Picture this: 5:07pm and the rehearsal starts at 6:00. Where hath Selvi gone? Jen's phone rings, I of course assume Selvi went the wrong way on I-95 and ended up in Florida...but no. She is on the side of the road with a flat tire! Damn you Firestone and your tires with weak structural integrity! Jen's Dad and I hop in the Ford Expedition (biggest. car. ever.) and go rescue Selvi. She happened to pick the perfect place to have a flat so we had no problem getting her. Although we had to leave her car on the side of the highway for a few hours since there was no time to change the tire. But we left a note. Something along the lines of "please don't tow my car Mr. State Trooper."

The rehearsal was fun, although I acted like an idiot through the entire thing. My nervous habit is apparently acting like a buffoon and giggling maniacally. Which doesn't make a great first impression. Especially when you are meeting a priest. Mike (the groom) looked super cute of course. He and Jen are like the perfect American couple and will no doubt have tall, lean, gorgeous children. Maybe they will have melon heads or something and I will have sweet revenge!

I was paired with Mike's brother, Matt. He is a junior at UVA and is studying voice. Nice. Selvi got the cute groomsman (of course) who also liked to make wildly inappropriate jokes. I think he and I are a match made in heaven. Rounding out the wedding party was Mike's sister, Laurie, (who I think is the coolest person ever and is only 11 years old) and his army buddy Alex. I gotta say, we were a good lookin crew. A hop, skip, and a rehearsal dinner later, Selvi had a new tire on her car, we were exhausted and tomorrow was the big day!

On the morning of the Jen was overly perky, I was tired, and Selvi was eating toast or something. She seemed pretty normal actually. Until we all started songs at the top of our lungs along with the "Jen and Maggie" mix I made. You haven't lived til you have seen me and Jen perform "Surrender" by Celine Dion. Awesome. At the ungodly hour of 9:00am we went to get out hair done. Those of you who have read Selvi's blog no doubt have heard her say her hair was BIG, but I am here to set the record straight. It looked great, it wasn't big, it just looked full. So stop your bitchin Selvi, you know it looked great. Jen looked gorgeous (as usual) and mine ranked an ok on the hair-o-meter. It was just pulled back and curly. No big whoop. We then retired to the house to get ready and get into our dresses. The photgrapher's daughter was on hand to take "candid" shots, which basically means she captured us acting like fools. Can't wait to see those! Jen looked like she belonged in a bridal magazine once we got her in the dress and from there on it was a fairy tale day. Especially since we were on time or early for everything. Miraculous.

After a quick stop to take some stunning pictures at a mansion in Fredericksburg, we were onto the church and the ceremony. It was a full catholic mass, so we all had our weekly helpin of guilt. Jen and Mike said their vows, I managed not to cry, and we took even more pictures! And then hopped in the limo to head to a park to take more pictures. Whew! And then...

Onto the reception where we all indulged in good food, an open bar (wheeeee!), and a great DJ. Selvster and I danced the night away, I gave my speech and almost made myself and Jen cry, and tore it up. Jen forced me to sing some Madonna (literally dragged me to the microphone) and I danced with her brother Ryan (he's 21 already!) and was his first "real" dance partner. Awwww. The party ended too soon and at 7:45 we traveled back to the Caltabiano's for an after party that is bit a hazy to recollect (remember the open bar?). The newly made Mr. and Mrs. Herbek departed for their hotel and their cruise at about 10:00 and the rest of us crashed.

So there's the recap of the wedding. Nobody smooshed cake into anyone else's face, we survived the drawn sabers (army guys...pish), and a good time was had by all. It was the most fun and the most beautiful wedding I have been to. So now Arista and Hehe gotta step it up next year. You know what they say, three times a bridesmaid, never a...oh, shit. Thanks a lot Hehe.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Dammit, Jim, I'm a Wizard Not a Doctor!

I suddenly realized I have done no posting about Harry Potter. How could I have been so neglectful? One of the best franchises in the world, and I have been absolutely mum about it all this time. Tsk tsk to me.

Selvi's Mom: "Do you want to know who the half blood prince is?"

Selvi's Bro: "No."

Selvi's Mom: (pause) "It's SNAPE!"

Selvi's Bro: (blink blink)

Selvi's Mom: "Dumbledore dies."

I think this pretty much sums up your reaction to HP. You either love it and must talk about it at every opportunity and for great length, or you really don't give a shit and don't understand why everybody else goes so freakin crazy over books about wizards (or you think it's lame just because it's popular like I was with E.R. but turns out I was right about that one).

So HP is the shit and you should just take my word for it. But why do we love it? Who knows? Ok, I know, but I'm not telling. Ok, I'm telling. Everyone wants to think they could have special powers, everyone wants to think dragons exist, everyone wants to think the nerdy girl can end up with the boy she likes, everyone loves a tale of an epic battle between good and evil. So there you go. Combine some classic storytelling elements with raging teenage hormones and a blockbuster is born! Plus, the movies kick major ass. And I don't care what you say--Daniel Radcliffe is the cutest thing since jesus.

You might be wondering: what is your favorite part of Harry Potter? Ok, here it is. Harry arrives at the Burrow and is told to go out in the garden and help get rid of garden gnomes. First of all, I love garden gnomes. I love them in movies (Amelie), I love them in commerials (travelocity--"am I going to die?"), I love them in real life (see re: Frederick my garden gnome who lives on top of my tv), and I love them in Harry Potter. To rid your garden of gnomes, you grab them by the head, swing them around, and toss them. The gnomes then dizzily stumble away and probably head back into their hole right after you leave the garden. This scene in the book is probably the funniest and most charming scene in modern literature. Disagree? Well, then fuck you.

But Harry Potter is the great uniter. Everyone can talk about it whether you are young, old, girl, boy, rich, poor, white, non-white...everyone! I am convinced the only people who don't like Harry Potter are those without souls or communists (who then go on to download illegal translations of it...take that China!). I mean, how can you diss some little kid with a lightning scar who has to save the world? He's just so darn cute and has become quite a sassy teenagr as the latest book shows.

So here's to all the Harry Potter fans! If JK keeps writing, I'll keep buying. And I absolutely cannot wait for the next movie to come out. Book 4 is my fav! And here is the most evil t-shirt EVER!


Monday, August 22, 2005

Hard at Work or Hardly Working?

Here I am. First day of work. How's it going? I am sitting here updating my blog, how do you think it is going?

Here is a breakdown of the day thus far...

5:45: I wake up and look at the alarm clock. Sweet! I still have 45 minutes until my alarm goes off. The plan is to get up at 6:30, get on the treadmill, shower, eat breakfast, get on the road by 8:15.

8:13: Wake up and look at the alarm clock. Shit! I set it for 6:30pm. Jump out of bed (ignoring my recent pilates related soreness), brush teeth, brush hair, put in contacts, throw on clothes.

8:24: Leave the house. Thank god I had already picked out my outfit the night before.

8:46: Arrive at my new building (behind the Marlo furniture in Alexandria). Thank god (again) that there is no traffic in my morning commute--the key is to drive AWAY from the Wilson Bridge.

8:55: After applying make-up, proceed to security desk. I gave the security lady my contact's name. Oh, wait, he's not in today. And his replacement isn't in today. The security lady calls someone else in the office who has never heard of me. He's going to "grab my file" and then come down and get me from the lobby.

9:25: Half an hour later, the guy (who never tells me his name) shows up and takes me to the office. The woman who makes the permanent badges isn't in today (shocker) but at least I have a desk. Actually a really nice desk. They say it will take a few days for my computer and phone to be hooked up, but there already a computer and phone on the desk. Hmmm. I con the nice lady in the office next to me into using her password so I can sign on. Yay me!

11:47: I've now been sitting here for two hours and nobody has given me an assignment. Although someone did come by and said he had something very confusing (my words, not his) for me to work on, but he had to run it by "Adam" first and would get back to me after lunch. So I will proceed with my plan of surfing the internet.

Yay federal government!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

I'll Make a Brand New Start of It

I realized I had not yet imparted to the masses the celebratory post-bar trip to New York City. Picture this: "the perfect bride-to-be," Jennifer, "the human equivalent of Encyclopedia Britannica," Paul, "I'm tall, Indian, and hot and you better not forget it or I'll bitch slap yo ass", Selvi, and "chock-full-of-foibles" me. All of us in a car for 5 hours there, 5 hours back and 2 days together and WE SURVIVED. Always a good sign when friendships can endure long trips. To this day the only person I have spent a huge amount of time with and not wanted to kill is Patrick ('sup patricio).

So we all gathered in the mecca of the stage for some good old fashioned theatre. Monty Python's Spamalot. Hell yeah. And luckily scored some last minute tickets to Rent. I think Jennifer fell in love with Roger and I fell in love with Mark. That guy can tango. Other than annoying ushers making us move and walk around the aisle and climb over seats when the people they were trying to seat could have just walked around to their seats (argh!) the show was great. But, turn down those mikes dude. Jesus.

The next day was Spamalot, which by the way, best show ever. No Tim Curry for me, but David Hyde Pierce and Alan Tudyk more than made up for that. All I have to say is: sparkly cod piece. It plays a large role. That is all. Unfortunately, the great Sara Rameriz did not make an appearance. But I loved the show so much I got tickets for me and my mom to see it in April. On April Fool's Day. I figure all the cast will want to be there on that day.

After spending too much money at dinner, having Selvi cut her hand on a piece of glass in her booth (welcome to new york!) and blowing far too much money at Macy's I think we were all ready to come home. Especially since I had to restrain for beating a certain member of our group...you know who I mean. Anyways, we escaped unscathed and Selvi did a kickass job of driving in the city. Watch out supercross, here she comes!

Coming up in the next week's blog entry: Jennifer's wedding extravaganza! Will I make it down the aisle without falling? Will my dress still zip all the way up after all that chocolate? Will I totally humiliate myself giving my speech at the reception? Will Mike's groomsmen be of the cute not-creepy variety? Stay tuned!

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Blast From the Past (hollywood style)

Hey kiddies. With my abundance of free time I have decided to perform a public service. I am going to recommend my top 5 movies of my childhood. Now, let's get the disclaimer out of the way. I am making no statements promising these movies are "good." I found them entertaining, watched them over and over (and over and over), memorized them, and was just in general fixated. So if you are looking for a good flick to take you back to the glory days, here's a list!

Mannequin: Ok, so bear with me on this one. Kim Catrell (who hasn't aged a day...well, maybe a month) is a mannequin who magically comes to life and falls in love with a department store window dresser, Andrew McCarthy. We've also got Estelle Getty, James Spader, that dude from the Police Academy movies, and one of the funniest gay performances from the black guy on Designing Women. Plug in a few awesome musical montages, some costume changes, a few kinky situations, and a fab soundtrack and you've got cinema gold. Some people might say this is bad movie but I will always think of it fondly. PS: do not under any circumstances watch the sequel. I am serious. DO NOT WATCH IT. But the first one is awesome.

Adventures in Babysitting: This one is classic. In Chris Columbus' directorial debut, Elizabeth Shue has one hell of a night babysitting for the neighbors kids (inlcuding that cute guy from Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead--which is NOT on this list). In random trivia news, Anthony Rapp who plays the smartass Daryl went on to play Mark in the original broadway cast of Rent. Kind of cool, don't you think? So anyway this movie is great, has some classic comedy lines, and watch for Bradley Whitford of West Wing fame getting kicked in the ass. Priceless.

Princess Bride: Do I really need to spell this one out for you?

Ghostbusters 2: Don't hate me because I have bad taste in movies. So many great character actors, so little time. Especially Peter McNichol. And oceans of pink slime. And dancing toasters. And Egon. Gotta love me some Egon. Does anybody remember the cartoon of these movies? I loved that cartoon. There was this one really scary episode where this Freddy Krueger-esque guy would go into kid's dreams...oops sorry I was talking about the movie. So it turns out there is a painting of this Eastern Eurpean madman which is haunted and tries to possess Sigourney Weaver's baby. It's better than it sounds. Although not that much better. But, come on, it's the ghostbusters!

And the last movie to make the Maggie Cats cut is...Candyman. This movie fucked me up. Like seriously. Fucked. Me. Up. I rented it with my friend Sarah and we watched it one night at a sleepover. There was no sleeping and there was no over. Big creepy black man with a hook and a major 'tude. And Virginia Madsen loooong before Sideways made her legit. And watch for the super creepy Ted Raimi cameo. I love him. Anyways, this movie is all about urban legends. I dare anyone to go in their bathroom with the lights turned out and say "Candyman" three times. Just do it when I am not around. And watch this one with other people. For the love of God! Think of the children!

Friday, July 29, 2005

Survival of the not-so-fittest

Well, sometimes the best you can say is: I survived. And that's pretty much how it feels. The bar is now over, it is out of my hands, and it is up to the elderly, white, male, conservative members of the Virginia Board of Bar Examiners whether I will sink or swim. I have decided to go with "cautiously optimistic" when people ask me how I did.

The exam consisted of two days, six hours each day. The first day was the essay portion where we were asked specifically about Virginia law (and a wee bit of federal law). There are 9 essays and 20 short anwer questions. I know that I bombed one of the questions but I feel pretty good about my responses to the other ones, so hopefully it all comes out in the wash. And you gotta figure everyone is going to mess up something, mine happened to be choice of law. In which I discussed neither choices nor laws. Yay me!

The second day was devoted to 200 multiple choice questions based on the "common law" also known as "dumb ass old rules that no state uses anymore so what is the point of this shit." The most difficult part of this portion of the exam is sitting still for 6 hours and wading through 200 questions. And in case you were wondering, I have no clue how I did on that portion. It's multiple choice so who the hell knows.

So that's the story of the bar exam. It sucked and now it's over. Now I can get back to my three weeks of doing nothing. Because I start my job at the SEC Labor and Employment Division on August 22. I have three weeks from yesterday to lounge around, watch movies, call the people I haven't talked to in 3 months, etc. And right now I am watching funniest game show moments on VH1. God bless America.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Spongebob Squarebrain

I have decided my brain is much like Spongebob Squarepants. Not that it lives in a pineapple (although the shape of my head has been the subject of much hilarity) but that is has reached the point of maximum saturation. I am not sure it is entirely possible to cram anymore knowledge into it. I could try, but burnout lurks on the horizon, along with panic and malcontent. So what's a girl to do?

Panic seems to be the operative word. Although that is rarely helpful. Denial? Getting closer. I have chosen to adopt a fatalistic attitude--if I pass, I pass, and if I fail, I fail. I am sure the Veteran's Board will allow me to work as a law clerk until Februrary when I have to repeat this entire process over again. Because to be honest with you, it's all a crapshoot now. Will they ask me something I know? Hopefully. But if they ask me something I don't know (like the requirements for admitting a medical report) I will crash and burn. My only consolation is everyone else will probably crash as burn as well. If I go down, all you bitches are going down with me.

And there is all this pressure to perform. Your family, your friends not in the legal field "You'll be fine...you'll do great...think of it just as another test." Except it's not. Your entire ability to work in the field hinges on these two days. Of course you get pretty much as many chances as you want to pass, but until that happens your life is on hold and you are mooching off your parents for another six months living in the basement. Which isn't bad when your Mom has a flair for decorating like mine (seriously this place is like the Marriot) but it's still your parent's basement.

So what conclusion have I come to? If I pass, great. If I fail it is not indicative of me as a person. It means I had a bad day and next time I have to work harder. It means I will suck it up and do better next time. And drink a loooooooooot of vodka before gettin back up on that horse. Cause nothing improves your ability to concentrate like hard liquor. Except maybe drugs. But I can't afford those because I will have failed the bar exam and can't work. But you know, it's allllll good.

The only thing left is the bitterness for the process. What does all this prove about my ability to function as a lawyer? Not a hell of a lot, unless lawyering is all about memorizaton of non-flexible lists. Which sometimes, I admit, it is. But all of this totally cuts out the human element of lawyering, the chance to prove your point, and the abiltiy to once in a while HELP SOMEONE. But is there really any better way to test this. Who the crap knows. I just wish we didn't have to wear business suits while we take the damn thing. But I am NOT wearing panty hose in Roanoke, Virginia in the middle of July. Suck it Virginia Board of Bar Examiners.

PS: Took a break and just watched the Buffy musical "Once More with Feeling." Is it too late to forget this law thing and run away to New York and join the stage? Please?

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Made to Order

May I comment for a moment on the beauty that is MTV's "Made?" This show is the perfect blend of voyeurism, emotion, comedy etc. that makes me like watching good reality shows. It doesn't have the same ick and creepy factor as "I Want a Famous Face" and it's more entertaining than the Real World (which has become a steaming pile of crap I haven't watched since the New Orleans season which was like 10 years ago. I wonder what every happened to that really hot gay dude who later went on to guest-star on Dawson's Creedk?)

Anyhoo Made is the shit. Turn it on and BOOM you are sucked in for the hour. I love the first episode they did with the chubby theatre girl who wanted to be a cheerleader, or when they turn the nerd into a "mac" as he calls himself, or the unpopular black girl who runs for student body president to get at the blonde, bitchy, A list girls. This is quality television folks. I bet all of us wish someone would have rescued us in high school and made our dreams and stickin it to 'em come true.

On another, and equally voyeristic note, what the HELL has happened to Lindsay Lohan. I mean, dude. She looks like crap. I gues it's "in" to be thin now, but for goodness sake when you look like you were just liberated from Auschwitz EAT SOMETHING. I have a plan all worked out. You hold her arms (since they are so thin now you could hold her down with your pinky) and I will force chocolate milkshake protein drinks down her throat. We'll have her looking beefcake in no time. And where is this girl's mother? When she's done posting the bond for her ex-hubbie would it kill her to take her daughter a cheeseburger joint or something? Visit the folks over at www.feedlindsay.com for a laugh. Watch out for the pictures though, YECH!

Friday, July 22, 2005

Seriously and Whatever

So, yeah. I finally broke down and created a weblog or "blog" as those crazy kids are calling them. I realized I didn't want to do one because it would distract me and then I remembered after next Wednesday I won't have anything to distract from. Because the bar will be over and I will be able to finally live as normal folk do. Or so I hear.

So hi everyone. But since I already know most of you who are reading this I will take no time to introduce myself (and honestly, why would anyone else care?). Either you get it or you don't. And right now I sure as hell don't.

I have been incommunicado with most of you this summer due to the heinous experience that is studying for the Virginia bar exam. It's one of things where if you don't do it, you really don't understand it. Example: I took my mom to the dentist the other day and the receptionist was asking me about what I was doing this summer. Here is the conversation that ensued:

Receptionist Lady: "Oh! I had to go through a similar experience to get my dental hygenist certification."

Me: "oh really (please shut up now)."

RL: "It was so hard...they showed us slides of teeth and you had to know what they were asking and which teeth they were and they didn't tell you anything. It was really hard!"

Me: "wow. (are you fucking kidding me with this???)"

RL: But I am sure you will be fine. They make review books, don't they?"

Me: "yes, thank you. (as long as I have my trusty review book I should be fine for the exam that tests me on everything I ever learned after three years of graduate school and on all the classes I couldn't fit into my schedule like will and trusts and somebody please kill me but kill this woman first so I can watch)"

So yeah, that's an example. And don't get me started on the creepy 70 year old man who started talking to me on the Metro when I pulled out my flashcards. If someone is clearly trying to learn some flashcards I would not take that as an invitation to start talking to them. But, hey, that's just me. I'm also not a 70 year old lecher who thought he would chat up the girl with the big tits.

Wow, this blogging experience is going to be so much fun! Finally I can channel all my rage and thinly veiled contempt for the world around me. Woohoo! I promise things will get more light hearted after the bar, which is next Tuesday and Wednesday for all those who were wondering (July 26-27).

In the meantime, enjoy a fun link curtesy of my twisted friend Matt. Scroll down to the bottom and watch them in order.