Time for some hilarious wedding stories. This past weekend was Jennifer's wedding in lovely downtown Fredericksburg, Virginia. She will now be referred to as "Jennifer L. Herbek." Although calling her that might confuse her. I'm gonna go with "old ball and chain" for the next few weeks.
I arrived at the Caltabiano (Jen's folks) home on Friday afternoon. And then I watched Jen pack, answer the phone, and stress out her Mom. Everything was going fine up until when Selvi entered from stage left. Or should I say when we had to go carry her on from stage left.
Picture this: 5:07pm and the rehearsal starts at 6:00. Where hath Selvi gone? Jen's phone rings, I of course assume Selvi went the wrong way on I-95 and ended up in Florida...but no. She is on the side of the road with a flat tire! Damn you Firestone and your tires with weak structural integrity! Jen's Dad and I hop in the Ford Expedition (biggest. car. ever.) and go rescue Selvi. She happened to pick the perfect place to have a flat so we had no problem getting her. Although we had to leave her car on the side of the highway for a few hours since there was no time to change the tire. But we left a note. Something along the lines of "please don't tow my car Mr. State Trooper."
The rehearsal was fun, although I acted like an idiot through the entire thing. My nervous habit is apparently acting like a buffoon and giggling maniacally. Which doesn't make a great first impression. Especially when you are meeting a priest. Mike (the groom) looked super cute of course. He and Jen are like the perfect American couple and will no doubt have tall, lean, gorgeous children. Maybe they will have melon heads or something and I will have sweet revenge!
I was paired with Mike's brother, Matt. He is a junior at UVA and is studying voice. Nice. Selvi got the cute groomsman (of course) who also liked to make wildly inappropriate jokes. I think he and I are a match made in heaven. Rounding out the wedding party was Mike's sister, Laurie, (who I think is the coolest person ever and is only 11 years old) and his army buddy Alex. I gotta say, we were a good lookin crew. A hop, skip, and a rehearsal dinner later, Selvi had a new tire on her car, we were exhausted and tomorrow was the big day!
On the morning of the Jen was overly perky, I was tired, and Selvi was eating toast or something. She seemed pretty normal actually. Until we all started songs at the top of our lungs along with the "Jen and Maggie" mix I made. You haven't lived til you have seen me and Jen perform "Surrender" by Celine Dion. Awesome. At the ungodly hour of 9:00am we went to get out hair done. Those of you who have read Selvi's blog no doubt have heard her say her hair was BIG, but I am here to set the record straight. It looked great, it wasn't big, it just looked full. So stop your bitchin Selvi, you know it looked great. Jen looked gorgeous (as usual) and mine ranked an ok on the hair-o-meter. It was just pulled back and curly. No big whoop. We then retired to the house to get ready and get into our dresses. The photgrapher's daughter was on hand to take "candid" shots, which basically means she captured us acting like fools. Can't wait to see those! Jen looked like she belonged in a bridal magazine once we got her in the dress and from there on it was a fairy tale day. Especially since we were on time or early for everything. Miraculous.
After a quick stop to take some stunning pictures at a mansion in Fredericksburg, we were onto the church and the ceremony. It was a full catholic mass, so we all had our weekly helpin of guilt. Jen and Mike said their vows, I managed not to cry, and we took even more pictures! And then hopped in the limo to head to a park to take more pictures. Whew! And then...
Onto the reception where we all indulged in good food, an open bar (wheeeee!), and a great DJ. Selvster and I danced the night away, I gave my speech and almost made myself and Jen cry, and tore it up. Jen forced me to sing some Madonna (literally dragged me to the microphone) and I danced with her brother Ryan (he's 21 already!) and was his first "real" dance partner. Awwww. The party ended too soon and at 7:45 we traveled back to the Caltabiano's for an after party that is bit a hazy to recollect (remember the open bar?). The newly made Mr. and Mrs. Herbek departed for their hotel and their cruise at about 10:00 and the rest of us crashed.
So there's the recap of the wedding. Nobody smooshed cake into anyone else's face, we survived the drawn sabers (army guys...pish), and a good time was had by all. It was the most fun and the most beautiful wedding I have been to. So now Arista and Hehe gotta step it up next year. You know what they say, three times a bridesmaid, never a...oh, shit. Thanks a lot Hehe.