Thursday, January 19, 2006

Short and Sweet

This will be a short post, as not much has happened lately in the land of Maggie. My morning ritual involves waking before 6 a.m. and driving to the metro station. As soon as I alight onto the platform, the train leaves. Thanks, douchebag driver. So I stand on the (freezing) platform and read my Washington Post Express. For those of you not from the area, this is a smallish paper devoted to the local, world, and national news and is aimed at a younger reading audience. Oh, and it's free. Sweet!

The Express does not take itself too seriously, and the last page has the celebrity news. For some reason, the headlines on this particular day were quite amusing so I have decided to share them with you.

On Angelina Jolie's pregnancy..."In Your Face, Aniston! Boo-Ya!" (

On the release of Colin Farrell's sex tape on the internet..."Site Shuts Down After Causing Mass Blindness" (under the heading "Gross")

On Eminem and his ex-wife reuniting..."No One Can Inspire Violent, Misogynistic Lyrics Like You Can"

On the arrest of former pop singer Lief Garret..."Ryan Cabrera's Future"

And because it's always good for a laugh, here is the IM conversation Moe, Caroline, and I had during last week's "Supernatural" (once again, centered on the hotness of Jensen Ackles and about an evil scarecrow that comes to life and kills kinda had to be there)

MOPPYMOE: i am scared already
dissident1L: also, wasn't there already a hookman episode?
dissident1L: dude
dissident1L: pillow of fear.
MOPPYMOE: dude i couldnt get through the hook episode
dissident1L: i didn't even try.
dissident1L: ohhhh
dissident1L: i SEE!
dissident1L: it's totally gonna come alive and hook him
RedMomma3: OMG
RedMomma3: so scary
RedMomma3: why is he so freakin hot
dissident1L: what happened?
RedMomma3: and brave, he got right in that thing's face
MOPPYMOE: its unfair, there is only one of him and 15 million single women approximately his age that would jump his bones in an instant
dissident1L: yeah. b/c, blech, even if it wasn't eeeevil
RedMomma3: the scarecrow had a tatoo on its arm the dude did
dissident1L: SERIOUSLY
dissident1L: right. but did it, like, open its eeeevil eyes?
RedMomma3: so the dude is now the scarecrow
MOPPYMOE: i didnt see either, did it come alive again/.??
RedMomma3: sigh
RedMomma3: you two
dissident1L: what about the chick?
RedMomma3: she dead
dissident1L: maybe she's the wicked witch who cooks little lost children in her oven
MOPPYMOE: she doesnt get to be a freaky scarecrow??
dissident1L: brb -- need tostitos
RedMomma3: haha
RedMomma3: ok
RedMomma3: who gives a crap about smallville?
RedMomma3: now that Jensen isn't on I am surprised anyone even watches
MOPPYMOE: he was on smallville??
RedMomma3: yeah
MOPPYMOE: he was on something else that i used to watch and i couldnt for the life of me remember waht it was
MOPPYMOE: i dont remember him on it
dissident1L: oh, sigh.
dissident1L: this isn't the perfect-little-town-kept-alive-by-the-blood-of-virgins, is it?
MOPPYMOE: lets go to the orchard baby
RedMomma3: like that girl was a virgin
RedMomma3: bitch, please
dissident1L: HAHAHA
dissident1L: she sucks.
MOPPYMOE: duh bitch
RedMomma3: her tooth is fucked up
MOPPYMOE: hahahaha
RedMomma3: it's all sticking out
RedMomma3: what a hobag
RedMomma3: did you see how she uncrossed her legs?
dissident1L: dude, you can't fuck HIM for a ride, he's at the bus station too!
RedMomma3: she's a succubus or something
dissident1L: snaggletooth
RedMomma3: seriously
MOPPYMOE: wasnt he just all upset that his girlfriend was dead
dissident1L: IT"S THE PIE!!!!
RedMomma3: evil pie
MOPPYMOE: oh my god!
MOPPYMOE: u are so right!!
RedMomma3: maggie gylenhal look-alike
RedMomma3: sp?
MOPPYMOE: save them dean!!!
MOPPYMOE: take the pie
dissident1L: dude, she totally is!
MOPPYMOE: flush it!
RedMomma3: eat some pie, save a life

The pie was totally evil. And why do I say "dude" so often?

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