Holiday Blues (not)

Last night I had a dream. I dreamt that I was back in high school (I know), and I had been switched to a different high school which meant I had no idea where anything was or where I was supposed to go. Not only did I wake up late that morning and missed the bus, I had to drive to the new school and try to find a parking space, even though I didn’t have a student parking pass yet. Also, for some odd reasons I was starting this new high school the day after Christmas. In any event, I caught a break and there was a booth set up with a parking attendant (weird, huh?) and she was all, “don’t worry about it, all the ticketers are off for the holidays so you can leave your car anywhere.” After parking my car and trying to locate the main entrance of the school, I realized I couldn’t find my class schedule. This is where the dream kicked into classic anxiety mode. I went through folder after folder and pocket after pocket of my Traperkeeper (I KNOW!) and still could not find a class schedule. I had no idea which classes I had, or what room they were in, or where I was supposed to be! If you know anything about me at all, you know I need structure to function. So this was a very stressful dream. And then I saw my friend Kim from high school and she gave me a big hug and told me she knew right where I needed to go and oh, did I want to have lunch with her and all my old friends? And then I was calm.

Weird, huh?

So the holidays have come and gone, but I just stumbled across this little gem. A song from Lindsey Lohan's sister Ali's christmas album (!!!) called a Lohan Holiday. You must listen. I could have written and recorded this song in my bathroom with an old tape player and it would sound better. Jesus. Their family is so effed up.

It's Not A Tumah

The lack of updates to this blog is not indicative of a lack of events in my life. On the contrary, I have been spending so little time at home lately, that I haven’t had a chance to fill everyone in. I try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to not update at work. The most important news of late has to do with my Grandma Riley (my dad’s mom). She has been feeling very fatigued for the past few months, and after running some blood tests, the doctors discovered that she is severely anemic. However, they also discovered that she had a mass in her colon, and she has had to endure a barium swallow and a colonoscopy as they try to discover whether it is a cyst or a tumor. I think the results come back next week.

It’s funy (and not in the ha ha way). My grandmother is 86 years old, but she’s one of the most active people I know. She has always cut the grass and does all the yardwork (including trimming the branches on the trees), and she always does the housework. I mean, I know that she was old and starting to slow down, but the idea that she could actually be sick always seemed like a distant fear. Now I find myself worried that our time together might be running short. I think terrible things like, “this might be our last Christmas with Grandma,” or “Grandma will probably not see me get married.” Are thoughts like this normal?

As the holidays approach, I guess I’ll just try to spend as much time as possible over at her house. I just got back from putting up her Christmas tree and stringing the lights. She kept trying to get me to let her get on the step ladder and straighten the angel tree topper and wire the tree to the wall (to make sure it doesn’t fall over). I had to tell her that I knew my Dad would kill me if I let her get up on that ladder. And he would. It’s hard for her, because she doesn’t want to be useless and have everyone do everything for her. At the same time she needs to recognize that she is no longer as spry as she used to be, and working like she used to around the house can have serious physical consequences. A couple weeks ago she was out in the yard and pulled some muscles in her back, she could barely stand for 5 days. So we all try to help her as much as possible, while at the same time allowing her to still feel independent and needed. But she still is the one to take care of all of us. She is our matriarch!

The moral? Getting old sucks. But my Grandmother rules.

Popo's Creepin, Yo.

On Wednesdays after work I head to my Dad’s house for the usual two-fer of dinner and verbal power struggles. While driving to Dad’s house this week, I glanced in my rearview mirror and saw flashing blue and red lights. Like any good person my immediate thought was, “shit.” That’s right, folks, I got pulled over. Now I would like to point out that I was going 41 in a 35 mph zone. 6 miles over the speed limit. So I pulled over and this youngish cop comes up to me and we have the following conversation:

Cop: My name is Officer So and So with the Alexandria Police Department. The reason I pulled you over is…
Me: *I was only going 6 mph over, my tages are not expired, OMG do I have a tail light out? Does he think I have a dead body in the trunk? Is there an ax murderer in the back seat??*
Cop: …you were speeding.
Me: *Seriously?*
Cop: You passed the speed limit sign and then you passed me..
Me: *face palm* (no seriously, I whacked myself when he said that)
Cop…so I just wanted to make sure everything was ok.
Me: Uh….yeah.
Cop: Where are you headed?
Me: My father’s house.
Cop: Ok, well I’m not going to write you a citation…
Me: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
Cop: ..unless you have an expired or suspended license. Anything like that?
Me: Absolutely not.
Cop: (after going to check his computer-thingy) Ok, well then, have a nice night. And the police station is right near where we are, so watch out when you drive on this street.

It was…weird. I mean, I was not going all that fast, and he asked me if I was ok. Like, he thought I had a gaping head wound or something. In which case I would probably be driving faster than just 6 miles over the speed limit. And then he didn’t give me a ticket, so what was the point of pulling me over? Not that I am complaining about not getting a ticket. Maybe he just wanted to warn the other drivers to show there was police presence on the road. My main theory right now is that he was a cop-in-training and he was just practicing his people skills. Or maybe he just felt bad for me.

Tryptophan, HO!

Thankgiving has come and gone, and the holiday season is now in full swing. I wish I could say the spirit of the season is upon me, but to be honest, it doesn’t feel like almost-Christmas at all. Maybe it has something to do with the upheaval from my moving into my own place and my lack of decorations, but I just can’t jump on board the Xmas train. Perhaps I will put up some Christmas lights or something tonight. That will help.

So turkey day and the Amanda invasion of 2006 has come and gone. For those of you not keeping up with the intimate details of my life 24-7, my brother has been dating my good friend from high school Amanda for almost a year now. While this has resulted in its moments of weirdness for me, Amanda spent the entire week with the Riley clan for Thanksgiving and I am very happy to say she fit right in (although she is a bit more normal than the rest of us) and it wasn’t weird at all. In fact, it seemed strangely normal to have her there. What if she and my brother get married?? That would be kinda cool actually, but I hope they don’t do the married couple joined-at-the-hip thing. I love Amanda, but I also like spending quality sibling time alone with my brother. I was talking to my Grandmother about it, and I think I figured out that Bill and I are so close because when we were kids with our parents being divorced, we spent so much time being shuffled around together and we were always there for one another. When we weren’t fighting that is. So I need my Bill alone time. But between the two of us girls, Bill will be the sharpest dressed engineer at Ford, or wherever he ends up working.

Currently Reading: “Bridge to Terabithia” by Katherine Paterson

Currently Watching: Veronica Mars rape case finale! Best show on tv, y’all.

Two Week Round-Up

Two weeks ago (where does the time go?), I had hosted my housewarming and popped the cherry on my new condo. As some of you may remember, my holiday party last year was not without it’s drama, but I am happy to report that this year’s shindig was a rousing success! Although universes collided, there were no fatalities. I think the layout of my condo was much more conducive to mingling, and everywhere I went, I saw different groups of people chatting. Law school friends, high school friends, work peeps, and college buddies all interacted with one another. And no blood was spilled! Although Mike did knock over a cranberry Mike’s lemonade, but luckily Resolve carpet cleaner was there to save the day. If they ever asked, I would so do commercials for that stuff it is amazing.

Hehe’s wedding to Kevin was over a month ago, and I received a thank you card from her yesterday. I usually read my mail on the elevator ride up to my condo (since I only receive, on average, one piece of real mail a day), and I managed to make a complete fool of myself doing that mundane task. Here is the relevant text of the card: “Dear Maggie, Thank you so much for the beautiful reading you did at the wedding…thanks so much for your help picking out my dress, I received so many compliments on it…and thanks for the silicone bakeware you got for us. It is the shit. I have always wanted it!” So, there I am reading this card in a crowded elevator thinking “awww…this card is so sweet” and then I get to the “it is the shit” portion. And of course, I bust out laughing. It was just so….Hehe. And everyone in the elevator stares at me. As you do. Best thank you card, EVER.

They (and by they I meant he crack local weatherpeople) are predicting a severe thunderstorm for the DC metro area today. I find myself actually looking forward to it. I had the Riley clan over for dinner on Sunday and my ES (evil stepmother) asked me if I had seen any lightning yet out the wall of windows in the condo. I had to tell her no, but it really got me thinking about how cool that would be. Since I can pretty much see all of Alexandria from my view, I am thinking a good storm could be a really neat sight. As long as my building doesn’t get struck by lightning, even thought it’s the tallest thing around for miles…..oh, crap.

Currently Reading: The Ruins by Scott Smith

Currently Listening to: Fidelity by Regina Spektor.

Operation SVH Check: # 19: Showdown (Lila and Jessica compete over the same boy)

Chuck Norris, Eat Your Heart Out

In order to feed my continuing obsession with Jensen Ackles, I bring you Dean Winchester facts. Loosly based on (er, completely ripped off from) the Chuck Norris Facts that have been taking the internets by storm.

Top Thirty Dean Winchester Facts

1. Guns don't kill demons. Dean Winchester kills demons.

2. There is no hierarchy of demons. Just a list of demons Dean Winchester allows to live. For now.

3. When Dean Winchester was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Dean Winchester received an "A+" for writing only the words "Dean Winchester" and promptly turning in the paper.

4. The chief export of Dean Winchester is SEX.

5. Dean Winchester does not go hunting, because hunting implies the possibility of failure. Dean Winchester goes killing.

6. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Dean Winchester.

7. Dean Winchester does not read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

8. If Dean Winchester is late, time better slow the fuck down.

9. Dean Winchester can slam a revolving door.

10. Dean Winchester's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

No, wait. That's Chuck Norris.

ADDENDUM: Dean Winchester has cured cancer and looked damn good doing it.

11. If a demon can see Dean Winchester, he can see it. If it can't see Dean Winchester it may be only seconds away from death.

12. Dean Winchester has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

13. When Dean Winchester sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Dean Winchester has not had to pay taxes, ever.

14. Dean Winchester owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

He was four.

15. Dean Winchester doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

16. Dean Winchester is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

17. Time and tide wait for no man. Unless that man is Dean Winchester.

18. Dean Winchester sleeps with a night light. Not because Dean Winchester is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Dean Winchester.

19. Jesus owns and wears a bracelet that reads, "WWDWD?"

20. Crop circles are Dean Winchester's way of telling the world that sometimes, corn needs to lie the fuck down.

21. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Dean Winchester can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.


22. Dean Winchester has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.

23. Dean Winchester actually died ten years ago, but no Grim Reaper can get up the courage to tell him.

24. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Dean Winchester and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

25. Dean Winchester once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

26. Dean Winchester went to the Virgin Islands. They are now called the Islands

27. Dean Winchester is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Dean Winchester.

28. Dean Winchester's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

29. Dean Winchester always gets blackjack. Even when he's playing poker.

30. Dean Winchester sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled hunting ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Dean shot the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

If you want to see the original Chuck Norris facts, click here. There are 9 pages worth. Damn. I guess males in the 18-34 age group really like Chuck Norris.

Operation Sweet Valley High

I'm a big reader, always have been. So imagine my delight when after emptying my storage unit I came across all sixty or so Sweet Valley High novels I greedily absorbed as a fifth and sixth grader. Also, all forty-some Babysitter Club Books.

In an effort to reconnect with my youth, and because I am that big a dork, I have decided to embark on a literary journey and reread all my SVH books. I am now on #13 (they take about an hour to read), and I cannot tell you how surprised I am by what I have discovered. They hold up. The schlooky, melodramatic, soap-operatastic lives of the Wakefield twins actually hold up to close scrutiny 15 years later! The only complaint I really have is how so many things can happen in the space of a year in one town (the Wakefields are permanently juniors in high school). Believe it or not though, the books have excellent continuity with each other, the characters are all fully fleshed out and developed (even the bit players often get their own major storyline down the road), and the writing is pretty darn good.

The one thing I have noticed that has drastically changed is who I root for. As an 11 year old girl, I loved Jessica. The dramatic, flighty, popular, bit of a ho twin. She really doesn't care about anyone but herself, and went with what felt good. I found Elizabeth, the studious nice twin, to be boring. But now! Things have changed! While reading the books now, I pretty much find Jessica to be a meglomaniacal bitch and want Elizabeth to just punch her in the face. Not that it's going to happen, but it would be nice. I can't wait to get to my SVH Thrillers. Where the Wakefield twins solve murders! Angela Lansbury, eat your heart out.

Currently Reading: SVH #13, "Kidnapped!" and "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman. I can't be losing my reading street cred.

Currently Watching: Heroes. Best new show of the season y'all.

Random Linkage

Wow, and you thought your Aunt's Ruth's handbag was ugly? Check out these purses, whose inspiration seems to be classic horror films. Truly terrifying!

This game is quite possibly, the cutest and most addicting game I have ever played in my entire life. Even the sound effects are cute! I think I waste about 1.5 hours a day playing; but I made it to level 14!

Who said necrophilia can't be funny?

Want to know where I am going to be August of next year? Right here bitches. But there will be no dressing in costume. That is just a tad bit too far.

For all you law school types, or those with a strange sense of humor who want to learn more about the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure, I give you this personality test. Here are my results:

YOU ARE RULE 20(a)!

You are Rule 20, an important part of the Federal Rules' policy of permissive joinder. You are designed specifically to allow as many parties in an action as can be tried efficiently, and you'll include someone as long as there is some factual overlap between a claim involving them and the rest of the case at hand. You are popular, out-going, and are never far from friends. However, your overly gregarious nature and magnanimous approach do make things a bit crowded--you're the reason that lawsuits are often cluttered with innumerable parties and even more numberous claims for relief. Still, despite the crowds that you attract, you can't argue with the efficiency of getting everything done at once!

So basically, I am a big old party ho. Sweet!

The Flo', No Mo'

My furniture hath arrived! WOO! This means no more sitting on the floor for me thanks very much. However, in typical Maggie-land fashion, the furniture people managed to screw something up. Specifically, my recliner. It was supposed to have the dark wood finish, but instead came with the light wood finish. So in my condo of the many dark wooded furnitures, it looks a little goofy. Basically, it just means they will have to order me another chair and let me hang onto this one until it arrives. Stupid layzboy.

In other news, there is much fun stuff coming up this weekend with the Halloween celebrations. Even though I had to bug out of going to Williamsburg with the Selvster for homecoming (I know, I suck) there is much frolicing to be had in the corn maze on Friday night and Arista's holiday bash on Saturday night. Now hopefully the rain will hold off...

Also, standing invite to any and all readers of this blog to come see my new digs and set your ass down on the finest microfiber this side of Arlington!

We'll Always Have Paris

Imagine if you will: 18 yo Maggie. A freshman at college. So innocent, so naive...well, not really. But I remember walking over to the group of dorms affectionately known as "the ghetto" at William and Mary, and seeing a bunch of people sitting outside smoking, dressed in black, and being all hardcore. Could it be? Would these too-cool-for-school befriend chubby geeky Mags? Why yes, they would. Specifically one such person known as JR.

JR hails from West Virginia and is one of the most awesome gay men ever. We ended up being friends first through mutual friends (most notably one awesome Asian named Dennis and one big bitch named David), but then we struck out on our own when we discovered we had many similar intersts. Things like theatre, calling each other cunts, liking my breasts, and talking smack about people when they weren't looking. So JR and I have stayed friends ever since freshman year of college, which is now 8 years ago. I KNOW! Dude, I am getting old.

Anyhoo, JR loves all things French, and he speaks like 5 languages, so despite the fact that he has been working as some kind of financial advisor (an aside--I've known this kid since he was a kind of manic-depressed teenager, and he turned into a confident FINANCIAL ADVISOR. We were having lunch one day and he looked at me and said, "you're a lawyer and I'm a businessman!" and it the weirdest thing ever), JR decided to live in France and takes grad classes.

And all of that was really just a precursor to the story I am about to tell. I was IMing JR one evening, and I asked him, "so what is it like living in France? What are the people like?" And in response he sent me this link. It basically tells you everything you need to know about the French as a people. Enjoy!

Seriously, watch it. It's the best music video ever. Mon Dieu!

Cut The Cord

Here I am folks. In my own place. So far so good, although I have no sofa or chair so I am sitting on the floor as we speak. I'm SO glad I spent so much time picking out all these gorgeous throw pillows so I can sit on them on the carpet. Woot!

Living alone has been going swimmingly, except for one teeny tiny incident. After five days of bone-breaking work (especially by my incredible force-of-nature mother), my second night here I had a minor...panic attack. I was just lying there, trying to fall asleep so I could get some rest before work the next morning and I had a freak-out. I am not one usually given to self-doubt, or any doubt, but this was a full-fledged OMFG WHAT AM I DOING? Did I make the right decision? Will I be able to afford this? Will I miss living at home? Why do I feel so guilty about leaving Mom at home alone? But then I told myslef, dude, you are 26. Get over it. Moving out is not that huge a deal.

So here we are! Of course, there are still things to be done. The DVD player is too big for the entertainment center so it sticks out about half a foot and looks really weird. Also, I need to hang drapes and window blinds, finish painting and hanging the cabinets, actually buy some food, and hang all my pictures. But it'll come. Hopefully, along with my freakin couch and chair!

We're Gonna Make Our Dreams Come True...Doing It Our Way!

When it rains, it pours. Although for the first time, this saying is not referring to bad stuff, but to good stuff. On Monday I not only closed on my condo (I’m a homeowner!!) but also got a promotion at work at an accompanying $10,000 raise. Best week ever!

But these coming days are going to be crazy, so if you are looking for Maggie, you’re basically SOL. I am working this week, taking Friday off, and spending the morning painting the new place. Then I am skipping off to Reston for Hehe’s wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. Then on Saturday is her big day! I’m really excited for her, but also distracted by all the condo stuff, so I now I feel bad about being distracted and not being more excited for her. Sunday will be dedicated to finishing up the painting and cleaning the kitchen cabinets (they are covered in grease). My move-in day is next Monday, October 9, and my furniture is being delivered the next day! So basically, the next week is INSANE. In the membrane.

In honor of my new place I have made a list of the top 10 things that are great about living by yourself:

1) You don’t have to call your Mom to record Lost for you when you forget to tape it; you have your very own DVR that remembers to do it for you!

2) You can eat as much Mac and Cheese as I want and nobody can give me (I mean, you!) crap for it.

3) You can burp/fart/sneeze/cough etc. whenever you want.

4) There is nobody there to give you the stinkeye when you come home with another shoe store shopping bag.

5) You have more….private time with yourself (wink wink nudge nudge).

6) All the hot water is for me!

7) Doing laundry at 3 in the morning only inconveniences yourself.

8) Nobody moves your stuff around after you have placed it somewhere. Which means you can find it when you need it. Hopefully.

9) 3 closets, all for MEEEEE!

10) Clothing is optional.

Give Me A Heart Attack, Why Don'tcha

A few days ago I received a packet of information from my loan officer that I needed to sign. Imagine my surprise when I look at the good faith estimate of my closing costs and realize it is $4000 higher than my original quote. In the immortal words of Damon Wayans, "Homey don't play that."

I am probably more fortunate than most that I have been working with the Branch Manager of the bank, although my paperwork was prepared by an underling. An underling who apparently screwed the fuck up. After talking to Scott (the manager), he told me that the numbers on the form I received were apparently plucked out of thin air and he had sent the loan officer a blistering email. Which now makes me feel kind of bad, because I don't want to get anyone in trouble, but seriously, $4000 is a lot of money. So you can understand my freak-out.

In other condo news, I did a second walk-through inspection to make sure the owner has repaired the things noted in the home inspection report. Well, he didn't. He replaced an outlet and put a new battery in the smoke alarm. That's about it. Which means there is still some electrical and plumbing work. And I am one week away from closing. I have a funny feeling Jean Claude (the seller) is going to stick me with fixing all this crap, and just take money off the sale price. Bastard. He's supposed to take care of this! Argh.

Currently Watching: X-Files. Creepy nail and hair fetish episode. In other news, how cute are Mulder and Scully?

Mom Quote of the Day: (upon seeing a guy in the hall of my new building) "I bet that's him! Jean Claude! He looks French...and freaky."

What the Eff?

Today a lady did something that just completely befuddled me. The bathroom on my floor was finally open after undergoing weeks of renovations, and I was happily situated in the first stall. The first in a line of six. Another lady comes in, and ENTERS THE STALL RIGHT NEXT TO ME. She has her choice of five...other…stalls. And she has to choose the one right next to me? Maybe I am overly weird, or just have a shy bladder, but that kind of freaks me out. She could have gone all the way to the other end of the bathroom, but no she has to go and pee like a foot and a half away from me. Way to respect my personal space, beyotch.

Currently Reading: “Map of Love” by Ahdaf Soueif

Currently Listening To: “Wicked” Original Broadway Soundtrack

Mom Quote of the Day:

Me: How come you’re so grumpy? At least I have an excuse.
You don’t even have a uterus anymore!
Mom: Yeah, well I still got ovaries so shut up.

Showstoppers

I’m going to see Kathy Griffin! That’s the big news this week. As many of you know, I am a Bravo junkie, meaning I can sit on my ass for hours and watch shows on the Bravo television network. Project Runway marathons, Queer Eye, it matters not, I will sit and watch.* One of the best guilty-pleasure shows on Bravo has been Kathy Griffin: Life on the D-List. Kathy is that sassy red-headed comedian who likes to talk trash about people more famous than her, or as I like to call her, my mentor. Well, it turns out Kathy is coming to DC in October and doing her stand-up at the Kennedy Center, and thanks to my quick-thinking friend Arista, I am going to be there!

In related news, there are tons of fantastic broadway shows traveling to DC or Baltimore in the coming months. Randomly, I decided to check out the webpages for the National Theatre, the Warner Theatre, and the Hippodrome to see what was coming, and HOLY SINGING AND DANCING, BATMAN! There are no less than 6 shows coming I want to see. If you are interested in seeing any of the following, drop me a line:

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee on Sept. 28

The Producers on Nov. 21

The Light in the Piazza, Dec.19 through Jan. 7

Wicked, Jan. 24 through Feb. 18

Aida, Feb. 13-18

Phantom of the Opera, June 20 through Aug. 12

I already have tickets to see the Spelling Bee and Producers, but the more the merrier! Who’s up for some culture??

* Except for the following: Work Out, Top Chef, and the Real Housewives of Orange County. Nothing in this world could convince me to watch those pieces of shit.


IM of the day: from Selvi, discussing our upcoming bridge game:

oh, man, just like in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
and the women's card club!
5pm - take seats
5:15 - someone makes the first "pete masturbates" joke

My Boss Has A Sense of Humor

I just had the most awesome email conversation with my judge that began with a typo in one of my decisions. Basically, instead of calling him a "Veterans Law Judge," I said he was an "Acting Veterans Law Judge." Here are the emails in conversation form:

Him: I almost missed it. You demoted me to Acting Veterans Law Judge status on the decision I just signed. Are you trying to tell me something?

Me: Uh, whoops. I think that is from when I was writing for all those Actings last week. Or, I am sending a subtle subliminal signal that you should well walk softly stranger....nah. Just a whoops!

Him: Make sure you never identify Nancy as an Acting Veterans Law Judge. There is no telling what adverse consequences might result.

Me: I sometimes feel that she could destroy me with just the power of her mind.

Him: You are so right.

It's Mine!

Condo update: I got one!

It's located on the top floor of a high-rise in West Alexandria and has the most magnificent view. Pics will be forthcoming but blogger is taking far too long to load them right now. But yay for having my own place!

This Is Getting Out Of Hand

My weirdness is reaching all new levels. In fact, I think I may need an intervention. My normal 10:00 a.m. snack is trail mix (it's so delicious!), but the best part of trail mix is making sure you get the right mix of nuts, raisins, and chocolate pieces per bite. So I have started dumping about a handful of trailmix on my desk, and then dividing it into bite-size potions. This allows me to ensure that each bite-size portion has the correct ratio of nuts-raisins-chocolate.

I think I need help.

Is it normal for people to be this OCD regarding their food? I mean, are there people who can just reach into the bag and grab a handful of trailmix and eat it? Why don't they worry about getting a handful that is all nuts, or all raisins? I prefer to think that this is the kind of behavior that all people do, but nobody talks about.

Currently Watching Dark Angel (shut up, it has Jensen in it!)

Currently Listening To: Enter the Haggis


See, I told you Jensen was hot.

The Hunt Continues...

This will be a short post. I put an offer on a condo and they decided to go with someone else. The end.

So the search continues! I know lurking out there is the perfect place for me. I just have to find it. Stay tuned for updates!

Oh, and the "working overtime on the weekends" train keeps rolling. This will be my second weekend in a row doing it. But these weekends will get me: new kitchen cabinets, or a new bathroom floor, or a new dishwasher, etc. etc. So feel free to call/gmail chat this weekend since I will be trapped in the office. SAVE ME!

She Works Hard For The Money

Due to my current financial situation, meaning that I am shopping for condos and am starting to wig about how I will afford everything I need, I decided to work overtime this weekend. And every weekend. My job has overtime available on the weekends through September 24, and if I work 5 hours on Saturday and 5 hours on Sunday, I can make a sizeable chunk of change.

However, working overtime is the suck. Coming in on my days off...it's rough man. But I gotta say, I like working there on the weekends better than on the weekdays. I can drive in and park for free in the garage under the building, I can wear jeans (whoo!), and the office is empty meaning I can cubicle dance and sing along to my Ipod to my heart's delight. But it is still the suck since I would rather be outside enjoying my weekend.

And it hasn't been easy since the weather this weekend has been so gorgeous! Have you been outside at all? My GOD it feels like late September and fall is right around the corner. But I know it is all a clever ruse and more stifling heat is right around the corner. I saw An Inconvenient Truth. I know the end is nigh.

My request for you is that if you see me on gmail this weekend (or any weekend) feel free to distract me since I am pounding away at the keyboard on my precious days off. Come save me!

Currently Watching: "Farscape" MUPPETS. IN. SPAAAACE!

Currently Reading: ""Night in the Lonesome October" by Richard Laymon

Return of the Attack of the Condos!

Remember when I said I was going to sit back and not look at condos for awhile? Yeah, that didn’t really happen. As the DC housing market cools off, and interest rates stop rising, now turns out to be the perfect time to buy, so here I am again. My weekends are full of meetings with my realtor, checking out units, and looking for an affordable couch that won’t fall apart the minute someone sits on it. And, I am already pre-approved for a mortgage up to $250,000!

Right now I have been looking at a lot of one bedroom units, mostly in the Van Dorn area near Landmark Mall, about 20 minutes from where I live now. But Mom wants me to live in a high-rise about 3 minutes from where I live now called River Towers which is slightly pricier because this is the posh side of Alexandria. The units there are actually really nice, but they don’t have balconies, so I’m not sure what’s going to happen with that. Unless I can get a real bargain in that building, it might not happen.

The front-runner so far is a building called The Wapleton where Duke Street and Pickett intersect, just west of Old Town. Of course, upon hearing the name of the building, my mother says, “Oh! That must be named after Dr. Waple who owned all the land in that area. He ran the El Paw veterinary clinic, which is Waple spelled backwards, and I bet he sold all the land to the developer!” Her knowledge of the Northern Virginia area is really staggering. And not only is she correct, but the El Paw vet is still there and is about 1 block from where I would be living. Nice work Mom! Now shut it.

Also in contention is a fixer-upper unit near the Huntinton Metro with a gorgeous river view and HUGE closets. Always a plus. There are just a ton of units on the market right now, and every place we visit the owners are calling my realtor and asking if I want to make an offer and they are ready to deal. People are getting desperate! And you know the value of these places is never going to go down. They are inside the Beltway for goodness sake! Basically, it’s a really good investment.

Also on the condo newsfront, my Dad has been pressuring me to look at two bedroom places but I figured I couldn’t afford the monthly payments the first couple months by myself. Then I talk to Caroline, who is dying to get out of DC, and she said if I found a good place she would be my roomie! Now, I know I have said I want to live by myself, but how much fun would me and Caroline have? Imagine the hours of tv watching that would get logged in that apartment…it boggles the mind.

So stay tuned for condo updates! I am thinking I’ll be making an offer on a place near the end of this month. So exciting!

Quote of the Day (from my brother):
Bill: Alright, chipmunk. This is your last warning. You come up here again and I'll samurai-sword you!"
Me: What are you talking about?
Bill: The chipmunk eats through my dryer vent from the backyard and crawls up into it and leaves his nuts. The first time was a misunderstanding. The next time is just mean.

Currently Listening To: “Escapology” by Robbie Williams.

Currently Reading: “Night Chills” by Dean Koontz.

Professionalism: The Course

People think being a lawyer is all about protecting the little guy or, in the alternative, working for the The Man and earning large amounts of cash. But there is more to it than that! In order to ensure that their newly made lawyers are performing to the high quality expected from them, the Virginia State Bar requires all new attorneys participate in a day-long professionalism course that covers, you guessed it, being professional and ethical.

And let me assure you all, it was a complete and utter waste of time. We spent an entire day rehashing the same points I just absorbed through three years of law school. Don’t lie to the judge, check. Don’t use profanity when speaking to support staff, check. Follow the appropriate steps when you have a conflict of interest with a case, check. Overall, the class was boring and not useful.

There was an upside though! I got to hone bourgeoning poetry talent, and craft some haikus. So for your reading enjoyment, I present my first set of haikus. Lovingly dedicated to those who made yesterday’s program possible.

I have good ethics
So why am I here?
So cold

No more speeches please
Why can’t you all just stop talking
Ears hurt

Why do I sit here
All alone and professional
Nap please

I am the most
When left to my own device
Lawyer

And my favorite:

Why do I hate you?
Perhaps because you talk so much
Shut up

Professionalism Quote of the Day: “Don’t be a jerk.” The Honorable M. Longhorne Keith

Currently Reading: “On a Pale Horse” by Piers Anthony

Currently Watching: “Farscape” Season 2. Slowly but surely making my way through the series.

Alpacas For Everyone!

I know this was posted on Cute Overload about a thousand years ago, but I find it so awesome, that I have to mention it here. Plus, I just made the picture my desktop at work and it makes me smile every time I see it.

This kid (Rory) lives in Australia where there aren’t a lot of other kids, I think his parents are farmers or something. But Rory looooves to play football, and it’s hard when you don’t have any other kids to play with. So Rory’s Mom (who is obvy a freakin genius), enlisted the aid of the family border collie and alpaca. So now the kid, the dog, and the alpaca all play football together.

How awesome is that? I think, right at this moment, if I could have anything in the world, I would get a football playing alpaca. They need to make a movie about this. In your face Air Bud!



Mom’s Quote of the Day: “In the space of time it took this meat to defrost, it has morphed from chicken into pork. So I hope you like pork.”

Doctor Who Quote of the Day “Victory…..should be naked.”

The Hell?

Last week, Caroline, Moe, and I headed out to the wilds of Manassas to see Kelly Clarkson at Nissan Pavillion. And I am ok admitting that to you, Kelly Clarkson rocks out and has (I think) managed to earn enough street cred to escape her American Idol beginnings. But the point of this post is not to discuss Kelly.

The point is to comment on the latest shoe trend: the croc. Let me just say, I cannot think of an uglier shoe. I would rather see Sienna Miller scampering about in a denim mini, leggings, and Ugg boots than have to see another 14 year old or soccer mom running around in crocs. Crocs not infiltrated your corner of suburbia yet? Not to worry, they will soon. Gaze upon the hideousness:

And the orange is not even the worst color I have seen. The lime green (the most popular color in DC) is what really frightens me. Now, my biggest problem with these shoes is not that they are ugly. And they are. But it's that people who buy them go on and on about how comfortable they are, but let's be honest folks. The things are made from plastic. And you can put however many little cut-outs along the side as you want, you are still sticking your foot into a plastic cave where it will live and sweat all day. Meaning your shoes and your feet are going to be N-A-S-T-Y.

Feet need to breathe! Feet need air! Especially in the DC swamp in the summer! Save your feet, do not give in to the temptation to buy ugly plastic shoes that make your feet sweat and were probably assembled my orphan children in Korea!

FIGHT THE CROCS

For more information, visit the shoe blog run by The Manolo. He is all knowing.

Currently Wearing: Brown thong sandels by Kenneth Cole. No crocs for me, bitches!

In this corner, Captain Jack. In that corner...er...Captain Jack

This weekend I traveled to Charlottesville to visit Selvi, she of the First Big Job and Post School Life. Selvi has joined the ranks of us fellow rat-racers and is currently working as a genetic counselor at her first “real” job. Go Selvi!

As the dutiful friend that I am, I braved central Virginia to visit the Selvster. And this weekend will forever be known as the weekend of Captain Jacks. I had taped the first 8 episodes of the Doctor Who marathon on SciFi this week so I could share with Selvi, but when we settled in to watch on Friday night, the sound quality on the tape was terrible.

(Aside: yes, I realize there is pretty much nothing dorkier than Doctor Who. But I believe we have sufficiently covered the topic that I am a big nerd and the show is the shit. So shut it. For further details, see my tv blog, TV Sluts)

Getting back to our story, the sound quality was the suck, so we set out to scour Charlottesville video stores for the DVD that was released last week. The first, oh let’s say, three places I called and asked had no idea what I was asking about and also had it checked out. Poop. Then what do we pass but the beautiful glowing yellow Best Buy sign. Somehow I had always known it was going to come to this. 5 minutes later I purchased Doctor Who Series 1 on DVD for the bargain price of $65. TOTALLY worth it.

Around, 4:30 in the morning Selvi and I decided to turn after watching 10 episodes and becoming drooling teenyboppers for the Doctor and Captain Jack (that's him in the WWII era coat in the pic).

We finished the last 3 episodes the next afternoon before tackling the nefarious greens at Putt Putt golf. It had these huge plastic zoo animals scattered about, and I swear, the giraffe was leering at me. Do not turn your back on the giraffe!
Saturday evening Selvi and I went to the Carmike Cinemas (and I thought I had escaped Carmike forever) and saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2. And I gotta say, how disappointing. The film had become a parody of itself, Johnny Depp was doing an impression of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack, and the only person to totally rock out was Jack Davenport as Commodore Norrington. HOTT. I totally would have chosen him over lame Will Turner any day of the week. Oh, and Bill Nighy as Davy Jones was pretty badass. But other than that: meh. Seriously. Once again, Hollywood has produced a sequel that was lame and unsurprising.

So, Captain Jack from Doctor Who wins hands down against Captain Jack Sparrow. Actually, come to think about it, Captain Jack would probably kick Captain Jack’s ass, and then they would end up sleeping with each other. Did I mention Selvi and I also watched Brokeback Mountain? What a gay weekend! And by gay I mean fun and fancy free.

Currently Watching: Farscape Season 1 (courtesy of Dorilyn)

Currently Reading: King Dork by Frank Portman (no, it's not an autobiography. Bitches. But it is an awesome book).

Attack of the Condos!

As some of you know, in the past few days it looked like I might be getting a condo. Not just any condo, the most perfect condo in Alexandria. Perfect location (within walking distance of the blue and yellow lines), about 5 miles from my parents’ homes, with 9 foot ceilings, crown molding, a big bedroom, and a gorgeous kitchen. Well, basically, I decided to wait. I’m being responsible! PRAISE ME!

Anyhoo, the condo cost $288,000 which, believe it or not, is a really great price for a one bedroom place in Alexandria. Virginia offers a ton of incentives for first time homebuyers such as no down payment, low monthly payments, etc. so it’s possible I could have afforded this place on my pathetic government salary.

But here’s the thing. I have been telling myself I am about two years away from moving out and that is the frame of mind I have been in. When it seemed like all of a sudden I might be getting a condo in a month or two, I kind of froze. I just haven’t felt “ready.” This is the kind of big step that for someone like me (a compulsive planner), requires time to sink in. I mean, I would own property. I don’t own anything! My mom technically owns my car, and she and my brother pitched in on my laptop. So pretty much the only thing that I own of any value right now is my Sony 5 disc DVD player. Whoo?

I also talked to a friend of Mom’s who owns a bunch of real estate in Northern Virginia and he suggested waiting a year or two. Apparently, interest rates are very high right now and in the next couple of months the market will be cooling down. Which means if I wait, prices might come down. And I am sure people will be trying to sell their condos in the community I want (The Exchange at Van Dorn btw).

So that’s where I stand right now. I’m not going anywhere for at least a year, assuming I don’t win the lottery or get married or something. And, you know what? That’s ok. I like being at home. There’s no shame in living in the basement. Especially not when it looks like mine, I’ve got a 5 disc DVD player down there.

It's Never Too Early to Pick a President

I have become a big fan of podcasts, I listen to them at work while I am trolling through medical records and other assorted activities that don’t necessarily require loads of brainpower (insert obligatory how hard is your job joke here). Right now I listen to my Harry Potter podcasts, The Onion’s daily podcast, and my new obsession, Real Time with Bill Maher. Basically, HBO has taken Bill Maher’s weekly show (which follows a similar format as Politically Incorrect), and posted the audio. While listening to this show, spontaneous laughter and cheering break out from my cubicle and I am sure my office-mate Fatima thinks I am insane.

On the last episode I listened to, Bill had as one of his panel guests, Senator Joe Biden from Delaware (democrat, of course, else why would I care?). Interesting fact: Joe is the only person from either party to publicly state that he will run for President in 2008. And from what I have heard and read about him, I would vote for him in a second. If it comes to Joe Biden or Mark Warner (former VA governor) in the primaries I have no idea what I would do, because I love them so. Here is a quote from Joe, ahem, Senator Biden, from the show:

"The problem with this country is we haven't had any leader with the nerve to challenge the American people to do the things they are ready to do. These people here are ready…what the hell has anybody in this country asked anybody to do in terms of building this country? What would have happened if the President had gone and said, right after 9/11, I have an energy policy, it's gonna be painful, this is what it's gonna take and I expect you to do it? They would have all responded, at that moment, they would have. It was a squandered opportunity. We don't have leadership."

You go Joe! Any politician willing to use profanity to make his point has my vote! Except not, see re: Dick Cheney. It just seemed like everything this guy said resonated with me and made total sense, and how often do you find that in politics? Here is another gem, discussing why democrats always get clobbered by the religious voters who run to the Republicans come election day:

"We have too many elites in our [democrat] party who look down their noses at people of faith. The people of faith don't want us to share their view, they just want to know we respect them"

Again, I agree. You’re always going to have those crazy Christians (CCs) who think blowing up abortion clinics is a good idea, or think Harry Potter is the evil, or STILL wear those WWJD bracelets (seriously, those things went out of style like 3 years ago, get with the program CCs), but for the most part they respect other people’s beliefs.

So remember Senator Joe Biden come election day. Here is his website if you want to check him out.

Quote of the day (from Bill Maher): "Americans want the contribution of the poor and the immigrants, without having to actually see them, or be among them. Which is why I suggest instead of building a wall on the border, we build a Wal-Mart. It would be 1,950 miles long, or the size of a normal Wal-Mart, and there would still be just the one register open. But it would solve this problem because if we build this Wal-Mart exactly on the border, the Americans could come through the front door and shop and the Mexicans could come through the back door and work."

It's the end of the world as we know it

Here is a gmail chat conversation between me and Caroline, based upon viewing the following pictures of KEVIN FEDERLINE. Yes, the handsome (guh!) man shown below is none other than K-FED! Go here if you don't believe me.


me: I just...I don't...
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE??

Caroline: ..._dude_.

me: HE IS TOTALLY CUTE

Caroline: he looks like aston kutcher. dude.

me: I need a sweater, cleraly hell has FROZEN THE FUCK OVER
he looks like the dude from American Pie!

Caroline: i ... can't ...
qowei7ban425.

me: I mean
WTF, Caroline, WTF

Caroline: it's a sign of the armageddon

me: hide your babies and your beadwork!

Caroline: we must buy canned goods with a quickness

me: don't forget the can opener
that is key

Caroline: indeed.
and wineglasses
so we can toast to the end of time

me: and we need extra pairs of glasses so we don't end up like that guy who played the Joker in the old batman series who was in that twilight zone episode
you know, the one who was in the bank vault when the nuke hit and all he wanted to do was read and then he broke his glasses
oh, the irony!

Caroline: HAHAHA

me: so....
what are the chances this will be a permanent change?
I would say slim to none

Caroline: oh, i betcha the goatee's already back.
i mean, those clothes were totally loaners for the photo shoot

me: and the socks with flip-flops look

Caroline: b/c that's hella sexy
the camel-actual-toe

Help! I'm a Prisoner in the Metro!

Picture this: here I am standing on the Metro minding my own business, reading my book. I am tucked into a corner and am not blocking any doors or any walkways. I am, however, holding onto to one of the poles because the driver of the yellow line seems to be doing his best to ensure we never reach the end of line intact.

The doors open at the Pentagon City stop and three teenagers (two guys and a girl) get on the train. This, in itself, is not bad. I was a teenager once. Emotionally, I probably still am. So whatever. Despite the fact that the girl is clutching some new fangled video game called “Hitman” like someone will try to rip it of her arms, I do my best to ignore them. Until one of the teenagers (the shorter guy) commits my biggest Metro pet peeve: leaning against the pole I am holding onto and squashing my hand against him.

I think this is really gross. I don’t like some stranger pressing their sweaty selves against my hand when I am simply trying to hold the pole. Not only is it gross, it’s rude because it ensures nobody else can use that pole because apparently you need the ENTIRE THING to hold up the weight of your body.

So the guy is leaning against the pole and my hand is trapped against his upper arm. I try to wiggle my fingers around (under the guise of getting a better grip) so he will get a clue that he has taken my hand hostage. No luck. So I do it again, with a little more vigorous wiggling. Nothing. Finally, I jerk my hand loose which causes him to dislodge from the pole a bit. This is when he looks around and notices my hand had been squashed. I shoot him a dirty look and get nothing in return. No sheepish glance, no apology, nothing. Just a blank stare. Sigh.

But it could have been worse. Once when I was holding onto the pole, some skeevy guy came along, leaned up against the pole, and trapped my hand against the sweaty, nasty back of his neck! I think that was the low point in my metro adventures. That and the chicken-juvie hall girl (see my post of May 6, 2006 for details).

No locusts!

Summertime, and it’s hot, hazy, and humid. Typical. BUT. Summer also means it’s time to break out the skirts! Now, here’s the thing. I don’t really mind wearing skirts, they keep you cooler and can be fun, but I look better in pants. I’m just saying. When you’ve got pudged legs and calves, you look better in pants. So I tend to not wear skirts until it gets really hot.

This usually inspires people to say “you’re wearing a skirt!” in a shocked manner when they see me. This usually surprises me, because while I was working at the bookstore in Williamsburg in the summer I always wore skirts. In fact, if I wore pants people would be in shock about that. Either way people are surprised. But here we are on Wednesday and I have worn a skirt everyday this week.

Oh, and one thing that really annoys me about skirts. If you sit in any kind of leather or plastic seat, you get that nasty back-of-thighs-sticking-to-chair syndrome. Ick! And then you get the indentations of the chair on your legs and that is not a good look on anyone. This is just another one of the myriad reasons why I don’t really like the summer. But my chair at work has a fabric seat, so woot! No worries!

Mom’s Quote of the Day: “Every time I call King David [our family’s Jewish cemetery] and tell them my name is Rachel Riley, they tell me I must have the wrong number. They say ‘you must want the protestant memorial park.’ Marg, when I die, you go over there and make sure they’ll let me in!”

Currently Watching: The PBS Frontline special on AIDS. It is amazing.

Currently Reading: “Scruples” by Judith Krantz.

Spring Cleaning, er, NOT

When I was younger and bored, my idea of a good time was to declutter my room. Not necessarily clean (too many chemicals, blech!), but really get into the far recesses of my closet, root around under my bed, and go through old school papers, photos, and assorted crap. It occurred to me this morning that I have not done this in a long time. Probably due to the fact that most of my stuff is currently sitting in a storage unit in downtown Alexandria, but also due to the fact that I have managed to purge myself of a lot of baggage in the past couple years.

For once I am not speaking of emotional baggage, but the actual physical unloading of the crap I carry around. Moving out of my townhouse after law school had a lot to do with this. I HATE moving, probably due to the fact that I never did it before (that’s right, I still live in the same house I grew up in) and having to pack up and hit the road immediately after graduation forced me to quickly ascertain what was coming and what was going. If it looked like it would gather dust, I pitched it. If it was easily and cheaply replaceable, I pitched it. If I hadn’t worn it in two years, it got donated.

Which means, despite the fact that I am older now, I probably own less stuff than any other time in my life. Which = whoo! I always had this kind of fear of becoming like the creepy baglady woman in the movie Labyrinth. You know who I mean. The one who tried to get Sarah to stay in her old bedroom with all her stuff piled up on her back.
But now, everything I own in the world can fit in an 8 x 4 room. And by “fit” I mean, be stacked to the ceiling. But still. That’s pretty impressive.

I’ve always been a firm believer in the idea that when your living space is not cluttered it helps your mind become not cluttered. So that means I have no excuse. Ready mind? Get decluttered!

Attack of the Andibear!

Yesterday I was lucky to have dinner with my old pal, Andi. Also known as Andibear and the Worst Lesbian Ever. I got to meet her boyfriend (hence the nickname) and we had dinner at a restaurant in Union Station downtown. It was a beautiful evening (we sat outside) and talked about what we were watching, reading, and also made fun of Nebraska. Because, you know, we could.

I haven’t seen Andi in almost a year, in fact, the last time we hung out was in Roanoke last summer the night before I took the bar exam. And that wasn’t exactly an environment conducive for fun and hijinks. Although she does exhibit a great calming force. There is something very nurturing about Andi.

She and Jeff are oh so very cute and make me want to gouge my eyes out from the cuddliness, or maybe that’s the jealousy. I mean, my GOD. The LESBIAN finds a boyfriend and I am still waiting for that train. But, I digress.

Andi and Jeff were headed back to Boston after a wedding-filled weekend, and I was lucky enough to snag them for a few hours. The good news is they will be coming back to the DC area for a conference in November, which is like 6 months from now, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Oh, and I did my best to convince Andi to make guest appearances at bridge club. The truth came out that on Monday nights when she claims to be “writing papers” she is in fact “watching 24.” But I think she is afraid I will hassle her if she comes once and then never comes back. Where would she get that idea? COME BACK ANDI. We miss you! And we promise not to boot you from the table even if you take forever to decide what to play. And, hello, summer = reruns. So you are good to go.

Currently listening to: For Andibear, “Whiter Shade of Pale.” It’s our song.

Currently Reading: “The Book Thief” by Marcus Zusak

Alias Drinking Game

After five years of watching Alias, I have devised a clever (yet obvious) drinking game. Just follow these simple rules...

Take a drink everytime:

-someone says the word "endgame"

-someone mentions Rambaldi

-Victor Garber does something badass

-Marshall dorks out

-Sloane is a jackass

-Rachel is useless

-you doubt Amy Acker could ever be a super-spy since the chick is so thin she can barely carry the weight of her own head

-Sydney cries

If you follow these simple steps, you should be pretty much good and wasted by the end of the teaser.

Random Musings

I saw a woman in the lobby of my building this morning wearing a pair of cow skin clogs. Like, seriously wearing them. Not in an ironic sense. What would make you think that was a good look?

It's now official, Veronica Mars and Supernatural will be coming back for the 2006-07 television season on the CW. *cubicle dance* At least the new network is doing somethings right. A lot of people have been kvetching about Everwood not getting picked up, but I have never seen the show. Maybe I can catch up over the summer with Netflix. Not like I don't have 45 things on my que right now...but you never know. There might be room for more.

This week has been so long and, to be honest, kind of crummy. I've just been making some dumb mistakes at work, and I am trying really hard to build a good reputation. I just keep looking forward to the weekend as this far off dream-land castle where free-range ponies frolic around and they have big chocolate fountains everywhere. Mmmm...chocolate.

I came to a resolution on Tuesday. Next time I want to see a movie and can't find someone to go with me, I'm going by myself. I've never been to a movie by myself, and I don't really know why. It doesn't have the same stigma as eating alone in a restaurant, but maybe I was worried people would judge me or something. Anyways, I promise. Next time, I'm striking out on my own and going to whatever craptastic film solo. I'll take me out for a date. And I guarantee I'll get lucky at the end of the night. *wink wink nudge nudge*

Currently Listening To: Jewel, "Goodbye Alice in Wonderland"

Currently Reading: "Middlesex" by Jeffrey Eugenides

I Don't Wanna Make You Sway

Last night after getting home from the Washington Whedonites meeting (what? I told you I was a dork), I downloaded the Veronica Mars Soundtrack onto my Ipod. Smack dab in the middle of the Album is the song "Sway" by The Perishers. Folks, it is gorgeous. A mellow, dreamy song about lost love. Here's a lyric sample

I talk to you as to a friend
I hope that’s what you’ve come to be
It feels as though we’ve made amends
Like we found a way eventually

It was you who picked the pieces up
When I was a broken soul
And then glued me back together
Returned to me what others stole

I don’t wanna hurt you
I don’t wanna make you sway
Like I know I’ve done before
I will not do it anymore
I’ve always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
Now that I’m coming down
Won’t you be my solid ground?

Sigh. So awesome. Fans will remember this is the song playing when Logan and Veronica dance at the Sadie Hawkins Dance in Season 2. But even if you don't watch the show, this is a great album. It also has "I Turn My Camera On" by the Spoons which I think has been in some car commercial and The Dandy Warhols "We Used to be Friends." Get your ass to ITunes people!

Mom's Quote of the Day:
Me: "What do you want to do for Mother's Day?"
Mom: "I'm the Mom. I don't have to plan anything. That's your job."
Da-um.

Currently Listening to: Dude. Did you even read the post?

Currently Reading: "Haunted" by Chuck Palahniuk

New TV Blog!

Caroline and I have joined forces and in a bid to ensure world domination have created a television blog: TV Sluts

If you like us, you will like this blog. And if you don't like us, what the HELL are you doing reading my blog anyway? Oh, and we don't like you either.

So come one, come all, join us in the blogosphere for some in-depth conversation about your (and by your, I mean our) favorite shows. Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments section over at TV Sluts.

Ripped From the Headlines

I don't usually use this blog to respond to news items, but as I was riding the Metro to work this week and reading my Washington Post Express, some of the articles really got to me. To wit:

The Spanish National Anthem Controversy. Are people really pissed off about this? Here we have a group of people who originally hail from other countries, who want to celebrate how much they love America. And because they haven't learned English yet (and seriously, English is like THE most difficult language to learn) they have to sing it in Spanish. Shouldn't we be happy that immigrants love America? Shouldn't we be happy that they don't want to blow up buildings? Let them sing about loving this country in any language they want. Maybe we should learn how to sing it in Spanish too.

Palestinians Face Financial Crunch. This makes me laugh. Here is a government that was elected on the platform of wanting to wipe Israel off the map and has known terrorist ties. And then, when the international community, including America, cuts off their aid money, they whine about how they can't pay their employees. Umm, hello? Palestine? This is called biting that mouth that feeds you. Do they really want to bitch about how Israel stopped collecting tax money from Palestinian nationals? You can't run around telling people you want to nuke your neighbor and then expect your neighbor to pay for your government. While not everyone in Palestine voted for Hamas, I can't drum up a lot of sympathy for the people who did. You made your bed, now you gotta lie in it.

Overheard on the Metro: "This train smells like chicken! It takes a black person to know. Who's got that chicken? Can I get some?" (the young lady in question then went on to describe how she fashioned weapons from her toiletry items while at Juvenile Hall)

Currently Watching: Sideways

Currently Reading: "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Jon Krakauer

First Wedding of 2006: Arista Sims Kiffney

Arista's wedding was this past weekend in Savannah, Georgia. Moe and I flew down on Friday and met up with Lori to form the single girl's posse. Because Mike (the groom) has NO SINGLE FRIENDS. That's right, every dude at this wedding was married or engaged. But the wedding itself was gorgeous and the reception was a blast. Here are the pics:


This is the square that was next to our hotel. Savannah is an absolutely breathtaking city. Look at that tree!


Here are us gals outside right before the ceremony. The wedding was held in the garden of the Davenport House, one of the restored bed and breakfasts/museums in Savannah.


The forecasters had been calling for severe showers with hail (!!!) all day, and while it did rain in the morning, about an hour before the wedding, the sky cleared up and it was a perfect day for a white wedding (tm Billy Idol). Arista begged and pleaded and got the Davenport House people to move the ceremony back outdoors, per the original plan. They were setting up chairs just minutes before the ceremony was scheduled to start! But the garden was beautiful.


Arista being escorted down the aisle by her Dad. *sniffle*


Sharing a laugh with the judge who conducted the ceremony. Arista's hair looked amazing.


Mr. and Mrs. Michael Kiffney!

I would highly recommend traveling to Savannah. The people are nice and things are cheap! However, DO NOT GO IN THE SUMMER. My GOD it was 90 degrees there in April, I cannot imagine what it is like there in July or August. If I go back, part of my wants to totally dork out and go tour all the "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" sights, or as they call it in Savannah, "The Book" and "The Movie."

United Airlines Flight Attendant Quote of the Day: "I will soon dim the lights to enhance the appearance of your flight crew." HA! Best steward ever!

Currently Watching: "The Young Riders" Anyone else remember this tv show?

Currently Reading: "The Secret Supper" by Javier Sierra

Jeremy Irons?? HELL YEAH!

So, I'm watching Kingdom of Heaven. And I was sitting here thinking it wasn't that bad. And then Jeremy Irons came on. And it instantly got upgraded to pretty good. Because how much does Jeremy Irons rock? He rocks so much I will watch the following movies because he is in them: The Man in the Iron Mask, Die Hard III: Die Hard With a Vengeance, and Dungeons and Dragons. I'd pretty much watch him sit in a chair and flip through a magazine (as long as he was reading out loud). Because the main attraction of Jeremy Irons is his voice. Sigh, remember him as Scar in The Lion King? Good times!

In concert related news, I scored tickets to see Jewel and Kelly Clarkson this summer. It's getting positively Lillith in here. But girls kick ass. So woot!

Oh, and look for an entry about Arista's wedding coming later this week. I need to get my picture CD back from CVS. Yes folks, I am still not in the digital age. So you will wait for my pictues. WAIT I SAY!

Mom's Birthday Quote of the Day

Gordon: Everybody gets to march or demonstrate for something. There should be a march for the Good Old Boys.
Mom: There is. They're called the KKK.

I cut my finger today. It was a not a paper cut, it wasn't with scissors or some other sharp instrument, I cut my finger with my own fingernail. I was reaching for a book and somehow managed to slice myself with my own fingernail. Sigh. Even my own body is out to destroy me.

In other news, I am getting nominated for a special achievement award at work for the idea I had for the mini-mentor program. Basically, when an attorney starts at our office they are assigned a senior attorney to teach them the law, and now a mini-mentor to show them the ropes. The mini-mentors are attorneys who have been at the Board about a year and remember what it's like to be new. Then the new person has someone close to their age they can go to lunch with, etc. My team chief says I could get a day off or a cash bonus out of it. Whoo cash!

Mom's Quote of the Day: :" LIAR! You LIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!" (Mom yelling at the EHarmony commercial guy)

Currently Watching: West Wing *sniffle* Goodbye John Spencer.

Currently Reading: "In the Company of the Courtesan" by Sarah Dunant

Fame Is A Fickle Mistress

My adoring public has asked, and so I must deliver. And by adoring public, I mean two of the four people who read my blog. You have demanded more random trivia (claiming you already knew some of the things on my other list) so here you are. Random Maggie Facts Part Deux.

1. When I'm listening to my Ipod in my cubicle I will often make up and act out music videos to accompany them. But I can't leave my cubicle so they would probably be really boring music videos. Thank goodness for those high cubicle walls!

2. I really like the Conan movies. That would be Conan the Barbarian and Conan the Destroyer, starring Ahnold. But I do not like Ahnold, just the movies.

3. Sometimes, when deciding what to wear, I will pick my shoes first and design an outfit around them.

4. I have never been arrested. But I secretly want to be. I need some more street cred, yo.

5. My favorite color is purple, but I tell everyone it's blue so I don't seem as girly.

He's Lump, He's Lump, He's In My Head

This is Lumpy.



Lumpy is my Dad's dog. He is an 85 pound lab/retriever/boxer mix. While he is large, he is the biggest wuss in the world. He once ran and hid when my beagle barked at him. Did I mention my beagle was 15 years old and wearing one of those cones around her neck they put on dogs after surgery? Yeah, Lump has the heart of a lion. My stepmom refers to him as the Longhaired Wimpdog.

Having said that, Lumpy simply loves to destroy his toys. For Christmas he was given a stuffed Santa. Within days he had ripped off Sant's head, arms, and legs. But then he would walk around with the little arm or leg sticking out of his mouth. And he still loves to gnaw on Santa's torso. Charming.

Last week I went to my Grandmother's house and Lumpy and my Dad were there. Grandma had another one of the Santa toys Lumpy had previously destroyed, and she gave it to him right before I arrived. When I walked into the room and saw Lumpy chewing on it, the following conversation took place:

Me: Isn't that the same Santa toy from before?
Dad: It's his favorite kind.
Me: So he hasn't managed to decapitate, disembowel, or defenestrate it yet?
Dad: Marg, just give him time.
Lumpy: *pops off Santa's head and runs off with it dangling from his mouth*
Dad: See?

You know what they say about good things and those who wait. Go Lumpy! Or as I affectionately call him, Lumpy McLumperson.

Even My Ear Canals Are Messed Up

I have had a cold for the past 5 days and, as they are want to do, my ears clogged up. When I get sick, my ears tend to go on wax production overload and they inevitably get clogged. Why am I telling you this? Because I went to the health unit here at my office to have an ear irrigation, and the very nice doctor told me I have crooked ear canals. As in, me ear canals, are not straight. WTF? Of all the random things to to have wrong with you, my frickin EAR CANALS? Ah, the betrayal that is my genetic legacy.

This news has inspired me to create a list for you. The Top 5 Things You Didn't Know About Maggie. Proceed at your own risk.

1. My ear canals are crooked.

2. When I am alone in my car, I sing along with the radio and imagine I am on American Idol. And Simon only says nice things to me.

3. I enjoy going to the dentist. I never have cavities, and my mouth feels so good afterwards!

4. My feet sweat. Like, a lot.

5. I once had an unhealthy obsession with the anime cartoon "Sailor Moon." Hey, I was 18. And I haven't seen it in like 7 years. God, I was a dork.

Maybe I Am a Good Lawyer

Today I got my first Outstanding rating on a case write-up. Whee! Here at the Board, an attorney can receive three possible ratings on a case: Unsatisfactory, Satisfactory, and Outstanding. And today I got my first Outstanding! *happy dance in cubicle which suspiciously resembles the Snoopy dance*

I also had my six month review last week, and I'll be honest, I was a bit nervous. I have been going through a phase where I had been doubting my skillz as an attorney, a lot of my cases were being heavily revised by my judge, and I just felt kind of down. But then I had my review and received all Successful ratings (out of either Successful or Unsuccessful)! I am "conscientious in [my] approach and cooperative in all [my] relationships. Ms. Riley is an asset to team and to the Board."

I'm an asset! Take THAT high school gym class people picking me last. I am conscientious and an asset. Oh, snap!

Mom Quote of the Day: "Have you updated your blog lately? What's my quote of the day? I need to think of something funny to say!"

Currently Listening To: "We Used to be Friends" from the Dandy Warhols. Not only is this the best song ever because it is the Veronica Mars theme song, it was also featured in the Wonderfalls episode I watched last night. Awesome.

Currently Watching: I'm at work! Duh.

PS: I switched the background here to a darker color. Let me know if you prefer the white background. I can't decide! I think the darkness adds an air of mystery and class, but it is kind of harder to read.

Oh, Yes, There Will be Drag Queens

I am horribly late at writing this post, and am therefore a horrible person. Two weekends ago, us law school gals took out Arista for her bachelorette party. We were wild and crazy, or actually just kinda kooky.

The festivities kicked off on Saturday night when we all gathered at Moe's fab apartment in Courthouse in Arlington. For those of you not from Northern Virginia, this is a very swanky area of Arlington, kind of straddling the edge of yuppie-ville without being completely of it. I arrived, inflatable mattress in tow, ready for a night on the town! The group was comprised of me, Arista (duh), Caroline, Monique, Lori, Janice, and Virginia. Yes folks, we got Virginia to go out! Clearly the end is nigh because this is the first sign of the Apocalypse.


All of us trooped down to the Metro and went to Dupont Circle where we dined at this really adorable restaurant called "Al Tiramasu." Even though we had to wait 45 minutes for our table, and I managed to knock a wine glass off the bar and break it, we burned our way through 2 bottles of wine and were all feeling happy when we sat down. We had this great table right in front of the fire place, and the food was amazing. I even broke my veal taboo and got the fetuccini with veal ragu. Which was, hello, delicious, but I still feel guilty about getting the veal. I mean, little baby cow, people! HOW COULD I??

So, back on topic...after we had all stuffed ourselves, drank three more bottles of wine (and perhaps a gin and tonic here and there), we went back to Moe's for some good old fashioned chick flicks. Specifically, Bridget Jones' Diary, which only improves upon multiple viewings. Although I stand by my opinion that Colin Firth, however hot and amazing he is, does not look like a good kisser. After stuffing ourselves further with cookies, I inflated my mattress and went to sleep. Except I kind of forgot to put the cap on and in the morning it was almost flat. On the good news side of thing, I forgot my sleep shirt and Moe lent me when one of her t-shirts, and her size medium shirt fit over my boobs! Yay!

Sunday morning we all rose and shone (except for Virginia who was so hung over she had to go home, sad!) and went to brunch in Adams Morgan at a delightful little establishment called Perry's. They have a Sunday brunch that is delicious, and includes a free showing of drag queens! Yes, you read me right, there is a drag show at Perry's every Sunday. I had been before, and knew it was awesome, but truth be told, I was a little worried Arista wouldn't be into it. But she rose to the occasion and danced with all the drag queens that came her way, and I think had a great time! And she even danced with the one that was only wearing pasties, and let me assure you, that drag queen had undergone the reassignment surgery. There was no doubt. We had three pitchers of mimosas, danced and shimmied with drag queens, and enjoyed a delicious brunch.


Thus endeth the bachelorette party. Now only three weeks until the wedding and the trip to Savannah for the social event of the season!

What Mitzvah? Bat Mitzvah!

This Saturday was my cousin Bonnie's bat mitzvah. In Judaism, when a girl or boy reaches the age of 13 they are accepted into the community as an adult. A special service commemorates this milestone and the entire family and synagogue celebrate. Did I mention it is a really long service? It began at 9:30 Saturday morning (sundown Friday to sundown Saturday is the Jewish sabbath) and lasted until almost 1:00. I think this might have had something to do with there also being a baby naming ceremony, but whatevs.

Mom and I arrived at the synagogue at about 11 and snuck into the back. Of course all Mom's cousins (she has 17!) recognized us right away because we are these two red-headed splotches in the back row, but it was ok. While my cousin's synagogue is conservative, with such a long service it is not uncommon for people to stand up and move around, go to the back to chat and visit, or have to take their kids out when they get fussy. Most people walked right by Mom and I and kind of stared. I chalk this up to 1) they didn't recognize us and in a tight-knit community they wondered who the strangers were and 2) I in no way look Jewish. Although Mom does except for her red hair. She is a wee little Jewish woman!

As part of the service, Bonnie was required to read for the Torah. Although Jews don't just read. They sing the text. So Bonnie (who had just turned 13) had to stand up in front of hundreds of people and sing. In Hebrew. And then she had to give a speech. But that was in English, whew! She handled herself with grace and aplomb and sounded really good! Turns out that all Mom's cousins are great singers. I think we should take our act on the road: The Meiselman Family Singers (and Maggie).

After the service (finally) ended, we retired to the gathering room where we had lunch. But of course we had to bless the food and that took another 10 minutes of praying/singing. Then we dug in, mingled with the family, and I scored an invite to a Passover Seder in April. Sweet! The best part of the afternoon was after the eating was done, we did more praying/singing, but this time it was awesome praying in celebration of Bonnie with hand clapping, feet stomping and much harmonization. The only little hiccup was when my uncle (my Mom's brother), told her she had to put our camera away because we couldn't take pictures in the synagogue on the sabbath. She got all offended and huffy and was mad at him. But she's always mad at him so I tried to brush it off but she kind of fixated on it for the rest of the day. I'm trying to talk her into coming to the Seder with me, but who knows.

Overall, we had a great time and it was nice to see my family in a non-funeral environment. That seems to be the only time we all get together anymore. Mazletov Bonnie!

Mom's Quote of the Day: "I sure am glad I was raised reformed. It took a lot less time to do stuff. There was a heck of a lot less praying."

Currently Listening to: Summer Mix! The calendar says Spring dammit.

Currently Reading: "Labyrinth" by Kate Mosse

St. Patrick's Day 2006

Ah, St. Patrick's Day. When everyone is Irish, and the people who are actually Irish look down on those pretending to be Irish. It's great! And to add to the wonderfulness, Eric and Selvi came into town for a mini-bridge club reunion. Alas, Chris was on his cruise (screw him!) but at least we got to see Hehe.

Eric arrived on Thursday night. But there is much more to the story than that. Apparently some very responsible DC National Airport employee "thought" he "might" have seen "something resembling" a box cutter on someone who had already passed through security. So they shut down the terminal. AND made everyone who had already been through security go back through and get rescanned. Which means no flights left DC for about 3 hours. Unfortunately for me, when I checked the internet for the flight status it said "On Time." As in, come on down sucker, nothing to see here, your friend will be here on time! And of course I don't get Eric's messages telling me his flight hadn't even left yet until I am standing in the terminal. So I went home and watched Supernatural in the meantime. Booyah!

On Friday morning Selvi joined us and we went to a local high school to see the William and Mary Wind Symphony (formerly Concert Band, but apparently they are too cool for that now). It was fun and the band sounded amazing. And I swear to god, the following conversation took place:

Selvi: GO PETE!
Random School Official: We are trying to discourage the kids from doing that.
Selvi: *shame*
Pete: Oh my god kill me now.

Here is a picture of Eric, Selvi, and I with some of the current band kids. Aren't they cute??!!



And then here is my and Andrew. I haven't decided how I feel about the facial hair yet. Redheads unite!



Friday afternoon-night we spent at an Irish pub in Old Town Alexandria called Murphy's. It was PACKED and there was quite a police presence (as you can see in the pics). But we scored a sweet spot by the window which allowed for a breeze and not too much crowding for the slack jawed (drunken) yockels. There was much alcohol consumed, but we kicked it old school, because my MOM drove us and picked us up. That's right, my Mom drove her 26 year old drunken daughter around. She rocks.







Saturday was bridge day! We trekked out to Hehe's place in Herndon (or as I affectionately call it, Purgatory) and played some bride! See below. Selvi was craving some veggies I guess. But really, she should have left the tree alone.



Eric's contemplating his cards.



Hehe and Selvi!


Me: When was your last car accident?
Selvi: That wasn't an accident! It was a minor mishap.
Me: Yeah, it wasn't an accident, you meant to drive into that ditch.

Oh, and did I mention that last week Josh and Donna totally made out on The West Wing? It's like John Wells finally listened to the psychic vibrations I was sending his way. Either that or he was afraid I would fly out to LA and KICK HIS ASS.




Currently watching: Swingers

Currently Reading: "The Amber Spyglass" by Phillip Pullman

Twist My Arm Why Don't Cha

As I say in my profile, I have tried hard to bury my inner nerd, but it always seems to find it's way out (like that scene in Alien and Spaceballs). One of my guilty pleasures is the Sci-Fi series Battlestar Galactica that currently airs on Friday nights. Although I always have to tape it, because I'm not so lame that I'm sitting home on Friday night, but I think we can all agree I'm still a geek.

My mentor at work (the senior attorney who was assigned to train me) is also apparently a big nerd, because he watches the show as well. Although he is even a BIGGER nerd because he keeps trying to convince me to watch the original series from the 1970s. This would be the Battlestar Gallactica that starred Dirk Benedict. Dirk Benedict who played Face on the A-Team. Yeah, it's that bad.

Here is an email he sent me this afternoon trying to convince me to watch the original series:

From: Wight, David L
Sent: Wednesday, March 08, 2006 15:06
To: Riley, Margaret
Subject: RE: original BG


The original series has hidden Pandas throughout each episode.
Apollo's not a big wuss and he doesn’t have to resort to hookers.
You also get to meet his long lost sister.
Boomer kicks ass without whinning all the time.

Your life would be more fulfilled if you saw it.

Harry Potter is in it and Veronica Mars has a cameo.


Now. This is very funny to me. Because it tells me how easy I am to read when it comes to my hobbies. All he has to do is drop in pandas and Veronica Mars and I am all over it. Although this time I have successfully resisted. Good thing he didn't tell me Jensen Ackles was in it, I would have updated my Netflix que with that shit in 2 seconds.

Dear Jon, you rock! Smooches, Maggie.

It does seem a bit strange all the praise Hollywood seems to lavish on itself. But we still love it, and we still watch it. Although judging from the ratings, not enough people watch it. But personally, I thought Jon Stewart was one of the best Oscar hosts I have ever seen. But I bet he played better on the tv than he did live. Sarcastic, sharp wit aside, Jon Stewart does have a quiet elegance about him. And he looked so darn cute in a tux! Speaking of tuxes and looking good, here are some of picks from Oscar night gowns:

Oh, and P.S. my best dressed overall pick is Meryl Streep. But I cannot for the life of me find a good picture of her and her dress. I'll keep lookin! But if you saw her, you know she looked AMAZING.



He's so cute! Can I take him home? Please??


Reese FINALLY gets it right after her fashion debacles at the Golden Globes and SAG Awards. She bought her vintage Dior in Paris and had it restored back in the States. Her hair, make-up, and jewelry all look perfect. And I do not know what Tim Gunn was smoking when he said this dress looked "dowdy." Bravo, Reese!


If Selma had pulled her hair back and tossed on a necklace, I probably would have given her best dressed. I just don't get the bare neck look. You people are rich, so wrap yourself in diamonds! Show us how the other half lives!

Mom's Oscar Quote of the Day (during the Oscar telecast):

Marie Curie "We have discovered a new element!"
Mom: "And now we will get cancer!"

Michael Freaking Buble!

Friday was the big day. After months of anticipation, Michael Freaking Buble (Boo-blay) performed at DAR Constitution Hall in DC. Arista had planned on accompanying me, but she was called away for a job interview in Charlotte, North Carolina. While I am vexed she is considering moving to such a far away locale, I have decided not to give her too much crap over it. I think she and Mike want to buy a large home for all the children and/or cats they are planning on having, and housing costs are much more reaonable there. Or maybe she just hates us. Hmmm. I'll have to think about that one.


Anyhoo, it seemed like everyone in the free world had plans for Friday night, but Chris came through in a pinch and accompanied me, despite his dog Phoebe giving birth that night to her second litter of puppies. Thankfully, his devoted partner K-Fed (aka Kent) was home to watch over the expectant mother. Get hot water and towels! (question--what do people do with the hot water in those situations? I guess wash the baby when it comes out all slimy. But I digress.)


We went to dinner at Bertucci's on Connecticut Avenue and then cabbed down to Constitution Hall where we had to stand outside in the cold until they opened the doors. Our seats turned out to be awesome, diagonally off the stage and in the top row. We could see the entire stage and had a great view of Michael.


Michael was sporting a black Hugo Boss suit with a purple button down shirt underneath. I know this because he and his band did a faux runway show. It was pretty hot. This is in addition to his Johnny Cash and Michael Jackson impressions. Oh, yes, there was crotch grabbing. He performed his usual stage antics, running into the audience for hugs and pictures, talking to members of the audience from the stage, cracking jokes through the set, and allowing his band to shine with a fab rendition of "It Don't Mean A Thing If It Ain't Got That Swing." He is a class act. I think I almost swooned a couple times.


But the best part was the very end of the concert. At his second encore, Michael abandoned his mike and sang the last verse of his song (basically a valentine to the audience for their love and support) acapella. The entire hall was silent as he simply stood on stage and sang to us. We could hear every word and it really was an amazing moment. Sigh. I love him so.

I had concocted this elaborate fantasy in my head, where I was wandering about the hall looking for the bathroom or something, and I just happened to bump into him and drop my bag. He, of course, stopped to help me pick things up, and then one thing led to another and he invited me to travel with him on tour. Alas, it was not to be.

Michael Freaking Buble quote of the day: "I'm so happy to be back in Washington. Last time I was here, the Post gave me a great review, saying I sang like a bird. And while that was really nice of them, it kind of made me nervous to come back, because I may sing like a bird, but I hope Dick Cheney doesn't mistake me for one."

Michael Freaking Buble quote of the day part deux: "I want to thank you men for coming out tonight. I know your girlfriends and wives dragged you out here. Look at this way, I put air in the tires, and you get to ride her all the way home."

He is quite raunchy you know. And it's hott.

Currently Watching: Oscars baby!

Currently Reading: "The Subtle Knife" by Phillip Pullman