The lack of updates to this blog is not indicative of a lack of events in my life. On the contrary, I have been spending so little time at home lately, that I haven’t had a chance to fill everyone in. I try (sometimes unsuccessfully) to not update at work. The most important news of late has to do with my Grandma Riley (my dad’s mom). She has been feeling very fatigued for the past few months, and after running some blood tests, the doctors discovered that she is severely anemic. However, they also discovered that she had a mass in her colon, and she has had to endure a barium swallow and a colonoscopy as they try to discover whether it is a cyst or a tumor. I think the results come back next week.
It’s funy (and not in the ha ha way). My grandmother is 86 years old, but she’s one of the most active people I know. She has always cut the grass and does all the yardwork (including trimming the branches on the trees), and she always does the housework. I mean, I know that she was old and starting to slow down, but the idea that she could actually be sick always seemed like a distant fear. Now I find myself worried that our time together might be running short. I think terrible things like, “this might be our last Christmas with Grandma,” or “Grandma will probably not see me get married.” Are thoughts like this normal?
As the holidays approach, I guess I’ll just try to spend as much time as possible over at her house. I just got back from putting up her Christmas tree and stringing the lights. She kept trying to get me to let her get on the step ladder and straighten the angel tree topper and wire the tree to the wall (to make sure it doesn’t fall over). I had to tell her that I knew my Dad would kill me if I let her get up on that ladder. And he would. It’s hard for her, because she doesn’t want to be useless and have everyone do everything for her. At the same time she needs to recognize that she is no longer as spry as she used to be, and working like she used to around the house can have serious physical consequences. A couple weeks ago she was out in the yard and pulled some muscles in her back, she could barely stand for 5 days. So we all try to help her as much as possible, while at the same time allowing her to still feel independent and needed. But she still is the one to take care of all of us. She is our matriarch!
The moral? Getting old sucks. But my Grandmother rules.