Roughing It

This weekend, Doug, Carly and I are hitting the road and going camping! That's right...it'll be "Maggie: The Great Outdoors Edition." And I mean, it won't be too bad, we're staying at a KOA which is like the Marriot of campsites, and we rented a cabin with actual beds. I don't sleep on the ground, ok?

But it's still roughing it, dammit! We have to walk OUTSIDE to get to the bathroom. My Grandma's cabin in Minnesota had an outhouse, y'all. I am not an amateur. So stay tuned for the exciting results. And if you don't hear anything, send one of those hot Canadian guys in the red coats with the goofy hats to find us.

Cupcakes rule, y'all.

If you don't believe me, go to Buzz or Cake Love sometime.

OH MY GOD I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN.

I mean, it's really sad and all that he is dead, but now I will never know how the books end!!

Fuck.

Wedding Shower Pictures

The happy couple...my brother and my friend Amanda. Mom and I traveled to Michigan for their wedding shower last weekend. Don't they look (disgustingly) in love? Don't mind me I'm just jealous....of Amanda's kickass kelly green dress. Seriously, how cute is that dress? Although she had to add a jacket later in the day as the high temperature that Saturday was 70 degrees.

The shower was held at Bill's best friend's (Adam and Danita) home. There was a large white tent erected in the backyard, and the food was delicious and vegetarian so Amanda would be able to eat it all. Believe it or not, the flower arrangement in the middle of food table was made by Amanda's brother (and my soon-to-be brother-in-law), David. Who knew that flower arranging was part of an engineering degree at Virginia Tech?

After all the food was consumed, we made left quite a mess! But we all dragged our chairs over to the other half of the backyard for the best part of any shower, the loot!

The crowd eagerly watches each gift being unwrapped....

That must be a really interesting gift card....

And Bill is really excited about those towels!

And then, finally, the children in attendance took over the shower. Note to self--do not allow children at my wedding shower. But Bridget and Julia are mighty cute!

A donkey? Really?

Tonight Chris, Kent, Doug, and I went to a little club in Arlington called The Comedy Spot. Tickets cost 10 bucks and it was inside a mall, so our expectations were not very high. It was late-night adult improv show and it ended up being quite funny. Some of the gags went over better then others, but on the whole it was very good and we will definitely go back. But the best part, nay, the part that will live on in INFAMY, occurred during a game where the audience had to supple an action that one of the contestants would have to reenact. Allow me to transcribe what happened.

Host: Someone give me an action.
Random Dude in the Audience: Oral sex!
Host: Ok, now whom is she giving oral sex too?
Kent: A DONKEY!!!!

Allow me to provide some background. Earlier that night, I had tried to get Kent to yell out masturbation in response to a similar question. He refused on the grounds that he was too shy. Ten seconds later he was shouting out that a woman should perform fellatio on a donkey. And he didn't just shout it out either, it was like he had lived and waited his entire life for the moment when he could answer this question, and the words burst forth from him like a seismic reaction. Needless to say, the crowd was horrified, but it ended up making for a very funny sketch, and we only had to pretend we didn't know Kent for another hour or so.

LOL Me

Part of me finds this whole LOL Cats thing to be ridiculous. I mean, pictures of cats with poor grammer. Wha? And the other part of me thinks it's just about the funniest thing ever. I suppose the most enjoyable aspect of it is how it has spilled into other areas. For example:

LOL Presidents

LOL Doctor Who

LOL Tribbles

Where will the madness end??!!

This seems to have all started on the livejournal community, of which I am not a member, but I need finally break down and join Facebook. I honestly don't see how people have time to have myspace pages, livejournal blogs, blogspot blogs, and be on Facebook. Maybe my problem is I prefer interaction of the face-to-face nature.

Prophecy 2007: who knew HP fans were such freaks?

This past weekend, Selvi and I attended Prophecy 2007, a Harry Potter convention held in Toronto. We had a great time and I managed to give myself whiplash. Don't ask.

The majority of the weekend was spent running from conference room to conference room seeing presentations and participating in discussions related to all things Harry Potter. There was a roundtable discussion of Snape (I still think he is a magnificent bastard and a horrible person, but apparently much of fandom has a major hard-on for him), presentations on the themes and progression of the entire series, and a discussion on the symbolism in Deathly Hallows. Not only were these sessions informative, but they really increased the understanding I have for the books, and I think I appreciate them even more, especially from a literary standpoint.

I have come to the conclusion that I am a canon purist. Meaning, if it's not in the books, I don't really get it. I think that Harry Potter fandom overall is huge, but the people who come to these conventions tend to be the more rabid fans, who take it all to the next level. I have never really been one for fanfiction, but I was surprised by the number of people who are all about the fanfiction. I have tried to read a couple fanfics before, but if it's not JK writing it, it just seems wrong. But I think it's awesome that people love the characters so much that it inspires them to write their own adventures for them. But don't get me started on slash fanfiction; I don't begrudge anyone their tastes in fanfic, but reading slash is like seeing your parents have sex. It takes people you know really well and puts them in a context you never imagined. It's definitely not for me.

The weekend wasn't all intellectual, however. On Thursday night, Selvi and I went to a wizard rock concert, where we saw Harry and the Potters and Draco and the Malfoys (party...like...you're....EVIL!), and went to a screening of Prisoner of Azkaban. The crowd at the movie had a lot of slashers, and all I will say is, I will never look at Sirius and Lupin the same way. On Friday night there was a midnight live podcast featuring the folks from Pottercast and Mugglecast (OMG y'all Andrew is the best!!!11!!!), and on Saturday night we attended the Decade of Enchantment Ball where we got gussied up and shook our ass to the excellent DJ for 4 straight hours. Hence the whiplash.

We had time for some sightseeing; on Saturday afternoon Selvi and I had lunch at the top of the CN Tower (the tallest freestanding structure in the world) in their revolving restaurant. It was a gorgeous day and we had the best view of the city. Then we walked back to the hotel down Toronto's main drag and did some shopping. Canadians are very nice, and their city is very clean, but Jesus CHRIST, their signage sucks. It's like they get enjoyment out of confusing tourists and watch us wander around like the people in Roller Coaster Tycoon.

So here are some top Prophecy moments:

-discussing how awesome Molly Weasely is to rebut the catty neo-nazi "feminists" who look down on her as being "just a mother."

-seeing the dancing Snapes at the Decade of Enchantment Ball, siriusly, there were like 5 of them dancing at once, it was awesome.

-reading Selvi's HILARIOUS fanfic about Draco's new pet.

-discussing symbolism in Deathly Hallows, JKR is a genius.

-meeting a rad girl named Jessica in line for the podcast who didn't mind that I called her a whore after knowing her for 5 minutes (in all fairness, we were playing hearts and she stuck me with the queen of spades).

-cutting to the front of the line to get to the top of the CN Tower; "we have lunch reservations," "right this way!"

-Slytherin winning the House Cup, they take a lot of shit in the book, so it was nice to see them win something for once. Plus, they deserved it.

-Selvi teaching me how to swing dance.

-seeing so many people waling around the hotel in wizarding robes; it was like stepping into the twilight zone. If the twilight zone was made of AWESOME.


Prophecy Quote of the weekend:

Me: Maybe it's a magical force that nobody understands, like gravity!
Selvi: Maggie, we know how gravity works.
Me: Oh.

Egyptian Plagues for a New Millenium

The other day at work, I was working on a case where the veteran was seeking an increased rating for his boils. No, seriously. His boils. Anyway, it got me thinking about the Plagues of Egypt, you know, when the Pharoah (voiced by Ralph Fiennes) wouldn't let the Jews out of slavery, so Moses (voiced by Val Kilmer), was the servant of God and watched as he sent these horrible plagues to Egypt. Frogs, locusts, boils, water turning to blood, it was allllll good. So, I was thinking, what would the good plagues of Egypt be? Here is what I have come up with so far...

1. Plague of Rainbows

2. Plague of Puppies

3. Plague of Chocolate

4. Mani/Pedi plague (tm Caroline)

5. Plague of garden gnomes (tm Chris)

6. Water runs as Blackthorne cider

7. First-born sons find lollipops under pillows

8. Down comforter plague

9. Coupons for free pizza plague

10. The yet-to-be-determined plague; leave suggestions in the comments area!

Currently Watching: The Thirst, a vampire movie with my friend Patrick from college!

Currently Reading: The Maytrees

give me heart attack

Sometimes, the inner fangirl in me comes out to squee. Usually this is precipitated by mention of Jensen, Zachary, the Doctor, or any other adorable Sci-Fi boy. But occasionally, you need a real man. So I give you the first photograph from the set of the Indiana Jones 4:


I knew that I was looking forward to this movie. I have faith that it will be good (I really don't think Spielberg and Ford would sign on to a dud or make the film with a lame script), and I was really bummed when I heard that Sean Connery decided not to appear, but I don't think I was prepared for how pscyhed seeing this photo would make me. Like everyone my age, Indiana Jones holds an extremely high position in the film character hierarchy, and when I clicked the link and the photo opened, I think I actually gasped. Because! It's Indiana Jones! And a new movie! Next year! And Harrison Ford looks really great! And IT'S INDIANA FREAKIN JONES, PEOPLE!!!

it's a good day

The laptop has returned! Hallelujah and praise JEEESUS. If you believe in that stuff.

Bestbuy finally got off their ass and got me my computer back. It has a new hard drive, a new motherboard, and a new screen. So it's basically a new computer. But! If it breaks down again it will fall under the "no lemon policy" of my warranty, since it will have needed 4 repairs. So bring, Bestbuy! I will so get you if you mess with me again.

In other news....I am going to see The Daily Show with Jon Stewart! Carly and I went to Riverdance at Wolftrap this past weekend and we talked about at some point going to New York and trying to score tickets to The Daily Show. So on a whim, I went to the comedy central site just to see what the availability was. Turns out there were only 4 days with tickets available. 4 days through June of 2008. And they just so happened to be in December and on one of my off-mondays. So I am wringing my hands trying to figure out if we should go and Carly is all, "eff this, we are going" and reserved tickets. This is why I love Carly.

So Jon Stewart plus laptop returning = good day!

See, Al Gore? I paid attention during the movie.

In an effort to reduce my carbon footprint and save some money, this morning I started taking the bus to the metro. This also has several other benefits: I use less gas, have less chance of my car getting hit by someone, can sleep in 20 minutes later, and cut my commute by 15 minutes. AND the metro buses take the SmartTrip card!

So why have I driven to the metro for so long? I pride myself on being independent and the idea of being restrained in what time I can leave work or arrive home due to the bus schedule was very unappealing to me. Yeah, I got over that. The bus is awesome, especially since they have copies of The Washington Post Express on it. And I also get a big thrill out walking up to the Pentagon to get to the metro station. Yeah, I know I'm a dork. Whatever. I can probably make one tank of gas last two weeks now. Woot!

I HATE BESTBUY

Yes, it has been more than a month since I updated. Why? BECAUSE BEST BUY HAS KIDNAPPED MY COMPUTER.

They've had it for two weeks, it came back, had no operating system, and has been sent out again for another 2-3 weeks because, as they told me, "it didn't get fixed right the first time." Which was actually the third time since it has been in the shop three times since January. That means out of the past 6 months, I have actually had my computer in my possession only about 2/3 of the time.

HATE BESTBUY. HATE THE GEEKSQUAD.

I am never buying anything from them every again. Not even a CD. Or batteries. Nada. And I am telling everyone I know never to buy anything from them.

So in the past month of me being computer-less, I have missed updating about my trip to Seattle (rockin!), the opening of my condo pool (rockin!), getting chastized at work (less rockin), and how I think my car got keyed yesterday (very less rockin). I will try to make up for it by updating here at work. Shhhh! Don't tell my judge!

Currently Reading: the Rachel Morgan supernatural detective series by Kim Harrison

Currently Watching: BBC Miniseries North and South. Richard Armitage is my new obsession. Check out this pic. Colin Firth, watch out!

Gayest Post EVER.

My tv almost had a gay explosion last night. I mean, it’s not my fault that overall tv is pretty gay, but it’s getting to the point where I think I should just slap a rainbow sticker on my DVR and let it out to march in a gay-rights parade, because, DAMN. I watch some gay tv. Best example? The Style Network show Dress My Nest, hosted by Thom Filicia, the interior decorating guru from Queer Eye, had as his special guest on the show Jay Manuel. The incredibly orange and incredibly gay photo shoot director from Top Model. ANYWAY, the power of the gay was overwhelming and it was awesome. Also, Jay is really tall. Like almost 6 feet I think. But I guess since we only see him next to Amazonian model women he seems shorter.

In other gay news, last Saturday Caroline, Cheryl, Wendy, Moe, and I piled into the car and went to Politics and Prose to meet Tim Gunn. That’s right, Tim Gunn. From Project Runway. The classiest, most charming, smartest, guy on reality tv ever. And he is just the same in real life as he is on the show. Except he was actually wearing jeans! With a crisp buttoned down shirt and blazer, of course. Also, opposite of Mr. Jay, he was very wee. He cannot be taller than 5’6 or 5’7. But I think it only adds to his charm. I got a copy of is book, got it signed, and we commiserated about the lack of style in DC. “It’s the civil servant uniform,” he sighed. Word, Tim Gunn.



My So-Called Life coming out on DVD? Holy crap y’all. That show shaped my teenage existence. If any girl who watched that show tells you she did not have a crush on Jordan Catalano, she is a lying wench. But in retrospect, I am totally rooting for Brian. Jordan is actually kind of a loser, and you know he ended up as a mechanic or something with 10 babies and a wife who hates him. Not that there is anything wrong with being a mechanic. Also, I dare you to watch the Christmas episode where Ricky is homeless and not cry. I DARE YOU.

Currently NOT Watching: the 40 hours of sweeps television I have on my DVR. I really need to get on that.

Currently Listening To: Anything by The Beatles, but especially Revolver.

Dad: I found a dead bird in my yard and a dead bird in your grandmother’s yard.
Me: Maybe’s it’s a cat.
Dad: Maybe it’s bird-flu.

The Week, She Sucketh.

Yeah, so last week? Sucked. Out loud. One of my top 10 worst weeks ever. I would say that it ranks up there with those weeks during law school where I thought I would never get a job. What occurred last week? Well, I’ll tell you.

First of all, my grandmother is not doing too well. She was diagnosed with colon cancer back in December and underwent surgery. The doctors think that they removed all of her tumor, and she was started on chemo (in pill form). For the first month or so, she did really well, but as the chemo built up in her system, she has become sick. As in throwing up all the time sick. Which I know everyone knows that is a side-effect of chemo, but when you are 87 years old being constantly nauseous and throwing up takes its toll. In addition, she became very weak and anemic, so her doctors now think she has internal bleeding. Which was the initial symptom of her cancer. So yeah, my grandmother is having some major health issues which has been a big source of stress for me since she and I are very close as she only lives 20 minutes from me.

On top of that, as everyone knows, on Monday were the VA Tech shootings (which I refuse to call the VA Tech Massacre as the media seems to delight in doing). I admit that the depth of my response to what happened shocked me. I was fortunate in that I did not know anyone who was injured or killed. But there are many factors that play into my shock and despair at what happened: my living in Virginia my entire life and attending a Virginia college, the large number or friends and family I have living in the Roanoke/Blacksburg area, the huge number of people I know that attended/ are attending VA Tech, and the three friends I have that were directly affected and themselves lost friends in last Monday’s tragedy. It’s difficult for people who aren’t living around here or know someone who was affected by the shootings to understand. Example: while talking to my brother on the phone this weekend (following a fight with my mother, see below), he questioned why I was “acting weird and freaking out.” I tried to explain everything that had happened during the week and when I arrived at VA Tech as a cause of my behavior, his response was, “VA Tech is over.” I am not relating this andicdote to accuse my brother of insensitivity (although he came this close to going to school there so I was surprised at his remark), but just to point out how living in Michigan and being separated from everyone here made it difficult for him to understand the impact of the events on campus. People grieve in different ways, and tragedies and loss affect us in different ways. For me, the events that occurred more than 6 hours away hit particularly close to home.

On Tuesday, following the news of my grandmother’s decline in health and the incidents at Tech, I pulled a muscle in my back. This may sound small, but as anyone who has ever pulled a muscle in your back knows, you spend the next week in pain. A lot of pain. And anyone who says pain is not stressful is a fool or has that weird disease like that girl on House last month whose nerve endings didn’t work so she didn’t know what pain was.

Finally, last week resulted in two (count ‘em, two) huge fights with me Mom. We are talking high school level fights. Where she basically made it clear to me that at that moment, she did not respect my request that she not share personal information concerning me and my family with strangers or that she take the time from cutting the freaking grass to listen as I discussed my sadness over the events earlier in the week. My problem with this, besides the obvious insensitivity it shows, is that I spend approximately 20% of discussions I have with my mom listening to her bitch about her job, how much she hates it, and how everyone there is mean to her. The one time, THE ONE TIME, I am emotionally freaked out and go to her for some sympathy, for a shoulder to cry on, I am dismissed out of hand and told to, I repeat, “get over it.” Her attitude was both surprising and disappointing. And I realize that my mother is a kind of strange person who always feels a need to fix things, who doesn’t understand that sometimes all I need is a friendly ear, blah blah excuses. But you know what? I am over it. I am over apologizing for other people’s faults and taking the high road. Because this time, I wanted her to listen. And she made it clear that was not something she could provide. And I don’t really care why. I am going to get mad at her and I am NOT going to feel guilty about it.

So there you go. The week from hell. But the weekend had some bright points, and so far this week has been better.

Sleep.

Goodness, I am sleepy. Mondays are always rough anyway, but 7 hours of sleep just isn’t cutting it for me. Some of you are probably like, “but Maggie, I only sleep 3 hours of sleep once a week and I’m fine.” Well, my response to that is twofold, 1) screw you, and 2) everyone is different and clearly I need more than 7 hours of sleep a night. So Operation Go To Gym is now revised to Operation Go To Gym and Get More Than 7 Hours Of Sleep Per Night. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

I got your mean right here

Today I had lunch with my friend JR. We have been friends since our freshman year of college at William and Mary. Those were the days. He was as depressed as my fashion sense. I mean, I used to wear men's jeans from Wa-Mart, people. But that is not the point. The point is that he and I always have a great time together because we think the same way. We are both out-spoken liberals, mock each other's relative dorkiness, and enjoy ragging on European culture. Why DO their toilets use so much water?

During lunch, JR told me about a blog he had read where someone described liberals as "mean." This made for some interesting discussion. And by interesting, I mean that neither of us really disagreed with this assessment. Yes, liberals can be mean. But there is a reason. To explain further, I will turn things over to JR and reproduce his response to the blogger that he wrote in her comments.

"yes, we are unhappy.

we are unhappy for a myriad of reasons. we are unhappy because we do not want to blind ourselves to the individual stories of the millions of suffering people in the world, to do that would accept their lot as fate, and to accept their lot as fate is to deny the possibility of change, progress, and growth. It is the American liberal's belief that we as a society have to provide some sort of capacity to let people prove that possibility. Contenting yourself with not thinking about other people or society as a whole may make you a happier person, but it makes morally corrupt.

we are unhappy because the president lied and lied and lied in order to line his friends' pockets.

we are unhappy because the dissonance between the goals of the american promise and the reality of everyday life in america is so great, that it is absurd. absurd not as in "silly", absurd as in "mind-blowingly beyond the capabilities of comprehension or common sense." You may think that billions of dollars of debt to pay for a military-industrial complex that will eventually fail due to unsustainability may make sense, but generally taxes PAID fund governments, not trillion dollar credit card debt.so please, go on and on and on about how being liberal was a fancy of your youth. good. i'm glad that at some point you cared about something other than yourself.

too bad that part of you got lost when you entered williams sonoma."

It's a wedding! Run for your life!

Alright it’s official. My brother is engaged to Amanda, one of my good high school friends. Yay? No, really, yay! Having a friend and your brother marry brings with it many benefits. 1) You already know the chick; 2) she already knows your family so we can cut down on that awkward, “so what do you do, Amanda? A minister? How nice!” conversation; 3) visiting and talking with both of them is fun. There are some downsides, but I am trying to work through those without being dumb, so we’ll skip it.

The impending nuptials (October 6, mark your calendar!) means that the family has entered wedding-mode. Anyone who has had a wedding in their immediate family knows what this means. Where conversations once focused on what happened that day during work or some interesting sight glimpsed from the metro train window, they now turn to matters such as which hotel are we staying at, which shoes would best match my bridesmaid dress without making my legs look stumpy, should we book the 35 seater limo coach van thingy for the ceremony ( I am totally serious about that one), and which one of the 500 dresses my mom has looked at would work best for the mother of the groom. And I’m not saying this is a bad thing, it’s just…weird. In my experience when one thing consumes your life (such as a hellish roommate re: junior year college, or the bar exam), when you are done with that thing often a big gaping hole left in your possible conversations. My point is that once my brother is done and married, the family will then want to continue talking about weddings, and that leaves me.

Yes, the worst thing about having a sibling get married is that it forces you to confront your own single-ness. My mother actually said to me, “you should start saving money for your wedding.” Uh, what? Ok, so I haven’t actually had in date in like forever and she is telling me to start saving for a wedding? Jesus. I think society put enough pressure on women to partner off, and now my mother starts. Although, to be fair, most girls get this kind of pressure way before I have. Hi, Selvi! And it’s not even real pressure, it’s my mom just having one of her stream of consciousness talking spells.

Maybe I am really the one putting pressure on myself because everyone I know seems to be either married, getting married, or has been dating someone for years. Weddings are always bittersweet because they bring you face-to-face with your singledom. I don’t think it’s unusual to feel very happy for someone else for having fallen in love with someone, and feel regretful that you yourself have not. Yet. Because I am, if nothing else, an optimist. So I will help plan and produce the Great Wedding of 07 and I will have fun doing it. And I will not feel sorry for myself. At least not a lot.

Mom Quote of the Day:

Mom: So Bill said he is going to get baptized in Amanda’s church and go to services. But he’s not going to participate a lot like your typical minister’s wife would.
Me: Wow. He’s going to go to church? Yikes.
Mom: I know. But I guess it’s not too big a deal. I mean, it can’t hurt him that much, right?

Suck it, daylight savings

Let me get this straight. Moving daylight savings up three weeks was supposed to save us energy, right? Because we would have to use fewer lights at night or something. The problem is, at least for me, by the time I get to work now the sun hasn’t even come up, so I am using more lights in the morning. And for the past two weeks I have been getting at least one email per day from our IT guys about making sure the Daylight Savings patches for the computers work and all your calendars are updated and blah blah blah is it really that hard to remember to move yourself forward an hour? Have Americans really become so dumb? I suppose the answer is yes. I mean, look at the success of Two and a Half Men. As much as I love Ducky, that show blows.

In an unrelated topic, I have decided it is time to get serious about getting healthy. Bad knees run in my family, and I have noticed that mine have begun to noticeably creak as I go up stairs. They don’t hurt yet, but I figure it is only a matter of time. Also, with all this talk of heart disease and other weight-related issues, I figure it’s time to get my act together. Now, I’m not talking about going on Adkins or cutting myself down to 500 calories a day or anything. I just want to be healthier. Which means more fruits and veggies, less fatty foods, and going the gym at least 4 times a week. I have been aided thus far by Chris and Kent moving in across the street from me and providing me with a keyless entry code for their building so I can get in and use the facilities whenever I want. Mwahahahaha! Mooching has never been so healthy.

Currently Reading: “The Crimes that Haunt Us,” a really interesting book by the former head of the FBI profiling unit looking back at some of the most notorious unsolved/mysterious crimes. Jack the Ripper, Lizzie Borden, the Zodiac Killer, Jon Benet Ramsey…really a good read!

Currently Listening To: “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” just named the top rock album of all time, and I have had When I’m 64 in my head for the past week. Damn you, McCartney!

Oscar 2007 Fashion Roundup

This year's Oscars were long (almost 4 hours, sweet jebus), but due to Ellen, the little asides and fun skits were pretty much hilarious across the board. If I was having my picture taken with Clint Eastwood, of course I would have Steven Spielberg take it. Hopefully he knows how to avoid red eye. And overall, I was satisfied with the fashion, but not overwhelmed. Basically the theme of this year's Oscar fashion was: almost but not quite. It seemed like an overwhelming majority of ladies had great dresses, and then there was one little detail that pushed it into tacky or, dare I say, ridiculous. Take Nicole Kidman for example:



The dress by itself is gorgeous. Long, slinky, the perfect shade of fire engine red. And then...the bow. I mean seriously. Nicole doesn't have a tiny head, and this bow looks like it is going to attack and swallow it. If only she had ditched the bow that ate Cleveland, I would have said she looked flawless. And it's not like Nicole would ever go to Cleveland. Bitch, please.

Another example of the "step too far"disease, was Anne Hathaway.

I loved her little skit with Meryl and Emily Blunt (whom I think is fab but secretly HATE because she is dating Michael Freaking Buble and he is mine dammit), and I think from the neck up she looks gorgeous and from the waist down ditto, but I don't get the bow. It's like someone spilled ink all over her dress maybe? Or she was holding a big plate of chocolate cake and someone walked by her and the plate got shoved into her dress. In any event, it doesn't work.

And the award for "so close and yet so far" goes to Beyonce.

Her gown is the palest of greens, and the cut of it is so flattering and classy and pretty. And hello, everyone knows she is smokin. And then there is this huge metal sparkly sash. Like someone put a collar on her and was leading her around the red carpet. Which, you know, might have happened. How would I know. The point is, she was sooooo close, and blew it.

I guess in the end, all of these things: the ginourmous bow, the sash, the sleeves on Naomi's dress, or the mirrors on Mrs. Murphy, all come down to matters of taste. I for one, do not get them.

But enough negativity! Time for the two ladies who I think blew everyone away. First, my perennial favorite, Kate Winslet.

Her gown was deceptively simple, with the beatiful shape, but when you look closer the criss-cross bodice and single strap add just enough interest to be surprising. And her hair, makeup, and jewelry are gorgeous. Seriously, how can you not love her??!!

And, in my opinion, the best dressed award goes to Helen Mirren. Look, it's easy to look amazing when you have a perfect body, are 32 years old, and can pick out any old pretty dress. But Dame Helen Mirren is a lady of a certain age, and although she has an amazing rack, time and gravity create certain challenges.

But look at her here! The dress is beaded on the bodice, but the skirt floats so beautifully. It has sleeves which are a must when you hit above 40 (just ask me mom, she never wear something wituout sleeves) and yeah, her boobs look great. She was just overall foxy, and had a very deserving win with The Queen, which was a really enjoyable and moving film. In short, Helen hit the perfect pitch with this dress and blows all those skinny american bitches away.

OMG so slippery!

The good news? My laptop is back so now I can actually post on my blog! Woo! The bad news? Washington DC has been hot by a blizzard. Seriously, it has been snowing for 3 hours and we have over 2 inches already. I was scheduled to work overtime today, and when I looked out my window at 10:00, it was snowing pretty heavily, but nothing was sticking to the roads. So I got ready to go and had some toast (yum!) When I looked out the window again, there was some snow on the roads, but I figured it wasn't so bad. Yeah, I was wrong.

I went one block and slipped and slid all over the road. So I figured driving downtown wasn't such a hot idea. So I turned around and the figured I would hit the grocery store since 1) I was already out, and 2) I was out of milk and I cannot survive without my kraft mac and cheese. So in the half mile I had to drive to the store I slid on the roads twice and crashed into the curb once. Luckily, there was no car on that part of the curb, cuz that would have sucked. On the way home I had an average speed of about 2 miles per hour coming home and STILL managed to get stuck in the parking lot. I had tried to pull into a space, decided it was too narrow, and after I had backed up and tried to go forward, the wheels just spun in the snow. So I sat there, in the middle of the parking lot, spinning my wheels in about 1 inch of snow. And then I got going and found another parking spot. The point is that I am not going out for the next two days. Unless I get cabin fever. Or want to work overtime tomorrow. Or need something else at the store.

Currently watching: Beakman's World. I loved this show when I was a kid, and I don't care what Cheryl says, it totally holds up.

Currently Reading: Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.