Oscar 2007 Fashion Roundup

This year's Oscars were long (almost 4 hours, sweet jebus), but due to Ellen, the little asides and fun skits were pretty much hilarious across the board. If I was having my picture taken with Clint Eastwood, of course I would have Steven Spielberg take it. Hopefully he knows how to avoid red eye. And overall, I was satisfied with the fashion, but not overwhelmed. Basically the theme of this year's Oscar fashion was: almost but not quite. It seemed like an overwhelming majority of ladies had great dresses, and then there was one little detail that pushed it into tacky or, dare I say, ridiculous. Take Nicole Kidman for example:



The dress by itself is gorgeous. Long, slinky, the perfect shade of fire engine red. And then...the bow. I mean seriously. Nicole doesn't have a tiny head, and this bow looks like it is going to attack and swallow it. If only she had ditched the bow that ate Cleveland, I would have said she looked flawless. And it's not like Nicole would ever go to Cleveland. Bitch, please.

Another example of the "step too far"disease, was Anne Hathaway.

I loved her little skit with Meryl and Emily Blunt (whom I think is fab but secretly HATE because she is dating Michael Freaking Buble and he is mine dammit), and I think from the neck up she looks gorgeous and from the waist down ditto, but I don't get the bow. It's like someone spilled ink all over her dress maybe? Or she was holding a big plate of chocolate cake and someone walked by her and the plate got shoved into her dress. In any event, it doesn't work.

And the award for "so close and yet so far" goes to Beyonce.

Her gown is the palest of greens, and the cut of it is so flattering and classy and pretty. And hello, everyone knows she is smokin. And then there is this huge metal sparkly sash. Like someone put a collar on her and was leading her around the red carpet. Which, you know, might have happened. How would I know. The point is, she was sooooo close, and blew it.

I guess in the end, all of these things: the ginourmous bow, the sash, the sleeves on Naomi's dress, or the mirrors on Mrs. Murphy, all come down to matters of taste. I for one, do not get them.

But enough negativity! Time for the two ladies who I think blew everyone away. First, my perennial favorite, Kate Winslet.

Her gown was deceptively simple, with the beatiful shape, but when you look closer the criss-cross bodice and single strap add just enough interest to be surprising. And her hair, makeup, and jewelry are gorgeous. Seriously, how can you not love her??!!

And, in my opinion, the best dressed award goes to Helen Mirren. Look, it's easy to look amazing when you have a perfect body, are 32 years old, and can pick out any old pretty dress. But Dame Helen Mirren is a lady of a certain age, and although she has an amazing rack, time and gravity create certain challenges.

But look at her here! The dress is beaded on the bodice, but the skirt floats so beautifully. It has sleeves which are a must when you hit above 40 (just ask me mom, she never wear something wituout sleeves) and yeah, her boobs look great. She was just overall foxy, and had a very deserving win with The Queen, which was a really enjoyable and moving film. In short, Helen hit the perfect pitch with this dress and blows all those skinny american bitches away.