MUST. OWN. NOW.

Indiana Jones Mr. Potato Head

NEW DISHWASHER!!

The good side of all your crap breaking, is that you get to replace it all with new crap! Last Wednesday my NEW DISHWASHER was delivered. It's quieter, faster, cleans better, and doesn't have bugs living inside it! Yeah, you heard me. The old one had bugs. It was gross. But! This one is awesome.

When the delivery guys brought in the dishwasher, I was really happy.

See?


When the dishwasher was installed, I loved it so much, I wanted to live in it.


Surprisingly, I didn't fit.


Oh, dishwasher. Never leave me!

Remember when I said things were at their darkest point? Yeah, not yet, folks! On Thursday my internet went out. Dead. Kaput. So I spent an hour on the phone with Comcast trying to get it working again...nothing. Which of course, I immediately thought that my computer had broke AGAIN.

Thankfully, when the repairman came by on Friday, it turned out that it was not my computer that had broken, but was instead my modem box. So we plopped in a new one, set up a new network, and BAM! Back in business, baby!

They say bad things come in 3s. That when it rains, it pours. Oh, and that it’s always darkest before dawn. I say, “screw you.” Because basically everything I own has broken in the past two weeks and I am starting to majorly freak out about money here. So far, here’s the broken list:

- Dishwasher

- Toilet (the wax seal broke meaning that I had to pay to have it repaired, plus pay for the damage that it caused to my downstair neighbor’s ceiling)

- Work laptop

- Ipod (totally dead)

- Internet (either Comcast screwing up, or my computer has broken AGAIN)

Sigh. I mean, can I catch a break? I am not doing so well.

I just found out my Aunt and Uncle on my mom's side are conservatives. I found this surprising because 1) they are Jewish, and 2) they always seemed like such nice people. Just kidding. But not really. Anyway, it basically came out that they vote conservative based on economic policy. And I vote liberal based on social policy. So we came to an impasse where we had to just basically respect each other's differing priorities and points of view. I hate that.

But seriously, voting purely based on your pocketbook has always seemed kind of...selfish to me. And I know that's unfair. I'm just not willing to give up some basic liberties so I can save a couple bucks on taxes. The fact that I am also a single woman only responsible for supporting myself has, I am sure, a lot to do with that. I have the luxury of principles. But I just can't ever see myself voting Republican.

I am trying really hard to not let this color how I see my Aunt and Uncle, but still, Fred Thompson, Uncle Dave? Really?

Christmas 2007 Pics

Finally. Finally, it has happened. I can enter the 21st century properly, with a new digital camera firmly in tow. Which means the two people (counting me) who read this blog, won't have to wait 30 weeks for me to post pictures. Enjoy!

Mom's Christmas tree. It's the biggest treee I have ever seen in an actual house. It was the tree that ate Cleveland. 8 feet tall, at least.


The top of Mom's tree is a crown with ostrich feathers. It's modeled on the Regency Tree displayed in the lobby of the Williamsburg Inn. Nice, no? And she made it herself.

Since Amanda was the newcomer to our Christmas (and the youngest--by 4 weeks), we made her be Santa and pass out the gifts.

Bill and Mom on Christmas Day evening.


The next day, we went to my Grandmother's, and here is Bill and my Dad. Still not a Scottish Santa.

This is Lumpy. Lumpy is attacking my Stepmom. Or just trying to cuddle. Since Lumpy weighs 90 pounds, the difference is not always clear.

And here's my humble little Christmas tree. Which, sadly, has to come down this coming weekend. Boo.

Wake up, Maggie. NOW.

I had a really disturbing dream last night. I'm not usually one who lives in fear of someone breaking into my house (even though I am woman living alone), but this one has almost got me there.

In the dream, I am in the bathroom washing my face, when I heard the front door open. I poke my head out and see a slightly chubby guy in some kind of uniform. He tries to feed me some line about being from the USDA (dreams are weird, just go with me here), and I basically throw him out. I remember in the dream strategizing that the best way to get this weird guy out of my house is to come off as really aggressive. So I immediately start shouting for him to get out. He hems and haws and keeps trying to get me to let him stay, but I remain firm, and keep saying, "NO. GET OUT. NOW." Which I'm actually rather proud of myself for. I think a lot of time women get prayed on because we are too timid in confrontational situation, something about society teaching us to be quiet, not make a fuss, blah blah, but in the dream I was all, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE."

So the guy left and I locked the door. But since it's a dream, the door was not locking. And the weird guy kept opening it. I kept shutting it and yelling that I would call 911. But he kept. trying. to get in. So I ran and got my phone...but there was no 1 button. Everytime I tried to dial 911, I would dial 922 which = useless. By this time I was getting really freaked out (in both the dream and in my real mind).

Then, all of a sudden, it wasn't just the weird guy, but he had his sister with him too and both of them were trying to get in. I kept trying to lock the door, but for some reason the locks would not hold. I was also still trying to dial 911, and getting more frantic. Also, since it was a dream, my door was not the solid piece of metal that it actually is, but instead had glass panes in it, like a kitchen door of a house. So the creepy dude and his sister starting busting through the glass and opening the door. At this point, I ran into the bedroom, grabbed a baseball bat and waited for the inevitable confrontation.

Then I woke up.

This dream has really shaken me. Like I said, I've never really worried about someone breaking into my house, but I do take certain precautions. 1) I live on the 16th floor of a high-rise, so nobody is coming in through the windows. 2) there is one entrance to my place, and it has a metal door with a deadbolt and knob lock that I keep locked at all times, even when I am home. But I am thinking of investing in a baseball bat to keep next to my bed (NO GUNS) and maybe installing a security chain. And making sure that I always have a phone with a 1 button on it.

*shudder*

Brain, too full.

The past couple weeks, ok, months at work have been tough. But here's the thing. My job is not stressful. I mean, it's a job, and I am expected to do well, keep my numbers up, etc., but the person putting on the pressure is me. Let me explain: at work, we have quotas (called "fair share") of how many cases we are expected to do. If you are "green," you are ahead or at the point you need to be. If you are "yellow," the bosses start to look at you askance and wonder what you're up to. If you're "red," you're fired. Just kidding, not really. But as long as your numbers are good, management doesn't really care what you do, when you work, or how you work. There is no micro-managing, and we are not expected to work long hours or stress out about cases. As long as the numbers are good, they leave you alone. Which is refreshing.

Anyhoo, staying green is not that difficult (cue Kermit jokes here). It means you have to write 3 cases a week, I usually average 5. But the past few months...maybe it's all the new attorneys we've been hiring, but the cases have been very difficult lately, and I'm slowing down. None of the higher-ups have said anything, I doubt they've noticed, but I have noticed. Which means the stress begins. Because, as the old saying goes, my harshest critic is myself.

Out of the 70 attorneys on my team last year, I had the most cases, which made me the so-called, "top producer." I ended up setting the bar pretty high for myself. FYI, when I say year, I am referring to the fiscal year, so the new year began October 1. Confused? Yeah, me too. But since I am no where near where I was last year, I've been putting all this pressure on myself to work faster and better. Which means I am stressing myself out.

Why is it always we give ourselves the hardest time? Why do we beat ourselves up over things that probably don't matter that much on a macro level? Is it ambition? Or arrogance, in that we think the world revolves around us? Or does this just stem from a life-time of striving for over-achievement, like how I freaked out over that C+ I got on a chemistry final my sophomore year of high school and OMG NOW I WILL NEVER GET INTO COLLEGE NO MATTER HOW MANY AP CLASSES I TAKE. So, really, it's probably our parents' faults. As is everything, right?

Anyway, these are pretty heavy thoughts. Basically, things have just been slightly more stressful than usual at work, and with preparing for the holidays, it just gets compounded. Stay tuned for the return of happy-go-lucky Maggie after the New Year. And now, to make up for the relative seriousness of this post, here are some Mom quotes.

Regarding the giant Santa head Mom affixed to the wreath on the front of the house:

Mom: "What do you think??"
Me: "Honestly? I think it's kinda creepy."
Mom:" Damn you, Margaret. It's not creepy, it's vintage!"

Wedding Pictures, Finally.

My Uncle Tom (father's brother) spent 20 years as a wedding photographer. He was on-hand at Bill and Amanda's wedding in October snapping his own photos, and in my opinion, they are nicer than the photographer they hired. So without further ado, here are the (belated) wedding pics!


Bill and Amanda


Bill walking Grandma down the aisle.


The bridesmaids and bridesman, Amanda's brother, David.


Exchanging vows as the Maid of Honor (Katie) and the Best Man (Adam) look on.


Joining of the Clans, the Bride and Groom's hands are wrapped in both their tartans by the families.


Mom and her Uncle Bill. He was a WWII flying ace with Chuck Yeagar and Bud Anderson. That's Amanda's mother in the background.


No, that's not a Scottish Santa Clause...it's my Dad!


The newly married Mr. and Mrs. Riley.


How cute are they?


End of the receiving line.


My grand entrance at the reception!


Cutting the cake.

All in all, a very enjoyable wedding!

Things that irritate me, Volume MCMXLVXIII

People who take the elevator only one floor. Unless you are old, in a wheelchair, or visibly limping...come on people. It's ONE FLIGHT. Now you have made everyone else in the elevator 20 seconds late.

Holiday Mash-up

So tonight I came home from work, plugged in the Christmas tree, and lit the menorah. Happy first night of Hanukkah, everyone! In case you wanted some details on the Festival of Lights, check out the wikipedia link. Although it doesn't explain why Hanukkah has three spellings. Hanukah. Chanukah. Yay, Hebrew!

I'll knock you off your broom...

Hee! Colleges have started their own Quidditch teams!

There was even an element of surprise: Streakers with nothing but broomsticks scampered out of a dorm, around the field and back to the dorm, sending the crowd wild. Who could ask for anything more on a crisp autumn afternoon?

And as the sun set and the temperature plummeted, Middlebury's Mollywobbles defeated Vassar for the championship. A bit of a rout, really. Vassar never scored.

The Mollywobbles! I love it.

Also, if this kid was a dude, I would totally marry him:

"Of all the things I've done in my four years at Middlebury, this is by far the best," says Ellie Molyneux, 21, a psychology major from Worthington, Mass., who played for the Bad Ass Muggle Flyers. "I won a Jell-O wrestling contest one year, but this is far better."

There are just some movies that I have seen a thousand times. And yet, whenever they are on television, I have to watch them again. And some of them are not very good. Some of them are, in fact, very very bad. Here is a sampling:

Bring It On: Look, I saw it in the theatre, I own the DVD, and yet whenever it's on I HAVE to watch. And I don't even like Kirsten Dunst. But something about this movie....the montages! The dance routines! The slang! Must watch. No choice.

The League of Extraordinary Gentleman: I know this is a bad movie. It's actually painful at times. And Stuart Townsend has got to be the gayest straight man I have ever seen. But come on, it's Sean Connery! And Captain Nemo is kinda badass. Yeah, I have no justification for this one.

50 First Dates: You know, I think I also have the DVD of this one, but for some reason Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler just make me so happy. I guess the Wedding Singer is another one that I can't turn off. They are just so precious together! And I think that she makes him act, you know, like an actual normal person instead of someone who is missing a brain.

Lord of the Rings: There was a period when TNT was running these over and over. And I always had to watch. And with commercials, each movie is like 5 hours long. I think eventually one time I realized how dumb it was to be watching it on television, so I just popped in the DVD and finished it out without commercials. I do like things to be efficient.

ETA: How could I forget about The American President??? Aaron Sorkin is a genius. A cokehead to be sure, but a genius. Love this movie!

Hodge Podge

The good news is that I am back from Texas. The bad news is that it is 40 degrees colder here. Which isn't really that bad, since I would actually rather have it be 45 degrees than 85 degrees. I mean, Thanksgiving was in 10 days while I was in Texas, and it was summer weather. Weird and unnatural, says I.

In my post, I mentioned a bar called Howl At The Moon. If you're ever in San Antonio, I highly recommend it. It has a stage in the middle with two pianos shoved together. A full band and several pianists entertain the crowd the entire night, playing songs by request and performing little musical bits with the audience. Singing rude songs to bachlorette parties seems to be the norm. The crowd was also really well-behaved. The bar did great crowd control, so we weren't all shoved together and there were a ton of tables and chairs. But we had a great time, the drinks were cheap, and I got to hang out with Cheryl and two of her friends, Janie and Chris, who were awesome.

Now that I am back, I have been playing catch-up at work. These trips require a ton of paperwork, including the writing of a travel memo which I still haven't done (oops?), and the filing of numerous documents like my expense report. Which just got approved! *happy dance* So now I can pay off the $1400 I put on my government card to pay for my trip. Don't worry, that includes the airfare and hotel and stuff. I'm not THAT bad a person that I would rip off the VA, and by proxy, veterans. Or am I?? *shifty eyes*

Thanksgiving is now only a week away, and I fell way unprepared for the holidays. Even though I began my holiday shopping in August. But there is always so much to get done, and I just heard that my Grandmother is feeling poorly again, so now there is that to worry about. But I am going to try to not let it get me down, and to just enjoy what remains of the fall. I'm seeing Grandma on Saturday, and I'll get the whole scoop from her then. Keep your fingers crossed!

Shut it, Texas, I am totally going to mess with you.

So here I am, in San Antonio, Texas. I've been here since Sunday for work, sent here to help a judge conduct hearings for veterans who live in the area. So far, Texas seems a lot like the western towns of Northern Virginia (Manassas, Herndon, etc.), just a lot browner and a lot scrubbier. Basically, there is a small downtown area surrounded by miles and miles and miles of urban sprawl. And scrubby trees. And dirt.

While I was sent here presumably to work, since more than half of our veterans either cancelled or just failed to appear for their hearings, we basically got done around 1:00 every afternoon. Which means I got to nap, watch movies on my portable DVD player, walk around downtown, and do nothing all week. Every evening I would meet my judge for dinner and we would walk down to the Riverwalk and eat at the really nice restaurants there. Because, hello, per diem. So, thanks for the paid vacation, federal goverment! Although now when I go back to work and I have to write up my travel memo (basically describing what we did and how many hearings were held), it's not going to look very good.

But the best thing about Travelboard trips is that I can request to go places near people I know. Like in May, when I went to Seattle and got to see Jennifer, I asked to come to San Antonio because Cheryl has moved to Texas and we are hanging out this weekend together! Which is awesome since I haven't seen her in like 3 months. I'm not sure what we'll do, since there isn't a heck of a lot around here, but we will definitely have to take one of those boat tours of the Riverwalk and maybe walk around the Alamo. Which is plop in the middle of the city surrounded by hotels. It's kind of depressing actually. I've also heard tell of a club called Polysters (isn't there one of those in DC?), and and some place called Howl at the Moon.

Did I mention my hotel is next to a gay club? Ru Paul is going to be there this weekend! I guess red states aren't all bad...

Halloween is almost upon us....mwahahahaha! As one of my favorite holidays (behind Christmas and Arbor Day) draws near, let the Halloween mayhem begins!

Check out these these Extreme Pumpkins!


PUMPKIN ANGRY!!! SMASHY SMASHY!

The hell?

My tolerance for wacky shit is pretty high. I mean, I own Reefer Madness. But this? Totally perplexes me. It has Anthony Stewart Head so = awesome. But it also has Paris Hilton so = evil. And Sarah Brightman and Paul Sorvino...and weirdness. I think this might be the strangest, wacked out, most acid-dropping movie trailer I have ever seen. Feast your eyes on...Repo! The Genetic Opera.


So. Creepy.

Plaid skirts and blazers are very flattering

Who says school dress codes are all bad?

HA! Take THAT crocs, you purveyors of EVIL.

So I have basically spent the last 30 minutes trying to upload pictures of Bill and Amanda's wedding, but since the jackholes at Best Buy screwed up my computer, I have no picture editing software and I can't get them any bigger than thumbnails. Dammit. So you'll just have to keep waiting.

In other news, Andi's wedding this past weekend was super awesome with the most gorgeous weather, which resulted in a most gorgeous sunburn of yours truly. But no worries! Because Andi and Jeff are hitched and are just about the cutest couple of all time.

Selvi's parents graciously let me stay at their house for the weekend and we even got to play bridge on Sunday morning. The following exchange took place, which I shall try to do justice:

Selvi: *thinking of which card to play*
Selvi's Mom (in a blatant example of illegal table talk): "There is no more trump. All 13 have been played."
Selvi's Dad: *plays trump card*
Me: Aren't you a doctor, Mrs. S?
Selvi: Yeah, of mathematics.

Hmm...I guess you kind of had to be there. Bridge humor is not for everyone I guess.

In other news, being out of town every weekend is really starting to take its toll. Me = tired.

Leaving...on a jet plane....

So in a few short hours, I'm heading off to Michigan for the wedding of the millenium...or at least the first of three that I have this month. Yes, the legendary wedding of Bill and Amanda is in two short days. My mom and my brother have been steadily freaking out, and having my mom and my dad together is always awkward, so I can't really say that I'm looking forward to it...but I have been feeling increasingly optimistic as we get closer. Stay tuned for updates and pictures, and pictures of my camping trip last weekend.

But so you won't miss me...here's a little something to tide you over...according to the Washington Post Express, "Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon were granted a marriage license late Saturday in Las Vegas." For those of you who are not immediately familiar with Rick Salomon, he was the douchebag who was married to Shannen Doherty and made the sex-tape with Paris Hilton. So now he is going to be married to Pamela Anderson, also of sex-tape fame.

My response to this news is appropriately filed under the ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME??? file. I mean, I don't really care what these two people are up to, but come on. How trashy can you get?? There is definitely a hierarchy of trashiness, and on a scale of Sienna Miller (only vaguely euro-trashy) to Britney Spears (totally trashy), I think Pam and Rick have now blasted the scale out of the water. I mean, when you and your future spouse can REDEFINE what it means to be trashy, you know you have come far in the world.