Give Me A Heart Attack, Why Don'tcha

A few days ago I received a packet of information from my loan officer that I needed to sign. Imagine my surprise when I look at the good faith estimate of my closing costs and realize it is $4000 higher than my original quote. In the immortal words of Damon Wayans, "Homey don't play that."

I am probably more fortunate than most that I have been working with the Branch Manager of the bank, although my paperwork was prepared by an underling. An underling who apparently screwed the fuck up. After talking to Scott (the manager), he told me that the numbers on the form I received were apparently plucked out of thin air and he had sent the loan officer a blistering email. Which now makes me feel kind of bad, because I don't want to get anyone in trouble, but seriously, $4000 is a lot of money. So you can understand my freak-out.

In other condo news, I did a second walk-through inspection to make sure the owner has repaired the things noted in the home inspection report. Well, he didn't. He replaced an outlet and put a new battery in the smoke alarm. That's about it. Which means there is still some electrical and plumbing work. And I am one week away from closing. I have a funny feeling Jean Claude (the seller) is going to stick me with fixing all this crap, and just take money off the sale price. Bastard. He's supposed to take care of this! Argh.

Currently Watching: X-Files. Creepy nail and hair fetish episode. In other news, how cute are Mulder and Scully?

Mom Quote of the Day: (upon seeing a guy in the hall of my new building) "I bet that's him! Jean Claude! He looks French...and freaky."

What the Eff?

Today a lady did something that just completely befuddled me. The bathroom on my floor was finally open after undergoing weeks of renovations, and I was happily situated in the first stall. The first in a line of six. Another lady comes in, and ENTERS THE STALL RIGHT NEXT TO ME. She has her choice of five...other…stalls. And she has to choose the one right next to me? Maybe I am overly weird, or just have a shy bladder, but that kind of freaks me out. She could have gone all the way to the other end of the bathroom, but no she has to go and pee like a foot and a half away from me. Way to respect my personal space, beyotch.

Currently Reading: “Map of Love” by Ahdaf Soueif

Currently Listening To: “Wicked” Original Broadway Soundtrack

Mom Quote of the Day:

Me: How come you’re so grumpy? At least I have an excuse.
You don’t even have a uterus anymore!
Mom: Yeah, well I still got ovaries so shut up.

Showstoppers

I’m going to see Kathy Griffin! That’s the big news this week. As many of you know, I am a Bravo junkie, meaning I can sit on my ass for hours and watch shows on the Bravo television network. Project Runway marathons, Queer Eye, it matters not, I will sit and watch.* One of the best guilty-pleasure shows on Bravo has been Kathy Griffin: Life on the D-List. Kathy is that sassy red-headed comedian who likes to talk trash about people more famous than her, or as I like to call her, my mentor. Well, it turns out Kathy is coming to DC in October and doing her stand-up at the Kennedy Center, and thanks to my quick-thinking friend Arista, I am going to be there!

In related news, there are tons of fantastic broadway shows traveling to DC or Baltimore in the coming months. Randomly, I decided to check out the webpages for the National Theatre, the Warner Theatre, and the Hippodrome to see what was coming, and HOLY SINGING AND DANCING, BATMAN! There are no less than 6 shows coming I want to see. If you are interested in seeing any of the following, drop me a line:

The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee on Sept. 28

The Producers on Nov. 21

The Light in the Piazza, Dec.19 through Jan. 7

Wicked, Jan. 24 through Feb. 18

Aida, Feb. 13-18

Phantom of the Opera, June 20 through Aug. 12

I already have tickets to see the Spelling Bee and Producers, but the more the merrier! Who’s up for some culture??

* Except for the following: Work Out, Top Chef, and the Real Housewives of Orange County. Nothing in this world could convince me to watch those pieces of shit.


IM of the day: from Selvi, discussing our upcoming bridge game:

oh, man, just like in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil
and the women's card club!
5pm - take seats
5:15 - someone makes the first "pete masturbates" joke